I have a 6 year old daughter with a serious attitude.........?

Question

She constantly has snappy comebacks to everything, she's bossy and mean and yells at her older brother who is 8, she's bossy to other children. She is 6 years old going on 16. She talks back, I sometimes feel like I can't handle her. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can teach her to treat other people with respect and not have such an attitude or be mean all of the time? Before you answer please note that I will not smack her, grounding doesn't work and neither does eating a bar of soap. Also, please don't say "it only gets worse" because when I ask for advice that's all people tell me. My son doesn't act that way...is it only girls? I need help, I'm at my whits end.

Answer 1

DEAR
HERE IS HOW TO HANDLE IT OK LISTED BELOW OK.
(1) THERE IS WASHING HER MOUTH OUT WITH DISHING SOAP LIKE DAWN (2) TIME OUT IN THE CONNER ON HER KNEES WITH HER NOSE TO THE WALL FOR 15 MINUTES (3) AND NOT LEAST A REALLY GOOD SPANKING TAKEE HER TO YOUR ROOM PUT HER ACROSS YOUR LAP AND USE HAND ARE PADDLE THAT USE TO HAVE TE BALL ON IT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN USE THAT THEN TAK HER TO HER ROOM AND SHUT HER DOOR AND TELL HER WHEN SHE CAN BE GOOD SHE CAN COME OUT AND TELL EVERY ONE SHE IS REALLY SO SORRY FOR ACTING THAT WAY. IF SHE GETS RE SMART WITH THEN RE SPANK ONCE AGAIN AFTER ABOUT 2 TIME SHE WILL GET THE MESSAGE OK. TAKE CARE

Answer 2

Well, super nanny has some good technigues. If you do not beleive in spanking, then you will have to work with what you have. It does not matter the method of discipline you use, what matters is the consistancy, and the language and how you talk when you discipline her.

A child learns snappy combacks and bossy from other people, whether it be you, a teacher, a sibling, or the TV. This does not make you a bad parent, it just lets you know that she picks up on these things and use them to her advantage.

When you discipline, and you are going to have to start with back talking, you need to make sure you have a firm but low tone in your voice. You need to be at Eye level with her, and you need to make sure you tell her what she is doing wrong. Then you need to put her in the nauty corner, if she leaves are snaps at you her time out starts over again. If she is hitting kicking that sort of thing no matter what she does. Each and every time she misbehaves in an unexceptable manner this is the way this needs to be done. After time out make her apologizes nicely, if she does not she needs to sit there longer, if she does punishment is over. Reward good behavior with something small through the week. Do not give big fancy rewards so that she expects those everytime.

I was having a very hard time with my son, who has a mild form of Autism. I thought man I a cannot get him under control. I recorded myself all day one day, and was surprised at what came out of my mouth, and I am sure that you say things in frustration as well. I first had to work on my tone, my way of thinking, which I can and am a person who likes to be funny and sarcastic. To have an Autistic child who thinks literal, that is not a good combination. My son had become a Holy Terror and nobody wanted him around.

I do suggest watching an episode of super nanny, her technigue is about the same with everyone, just the families and situations are all unigue, even when she did a house with three autistic children she used the same technigues, but she called in for help because she and the parents could only work on one child at a time.

I hope this helps, if you are still having problems, you may need to seek out the help of a theropist, because the problem may be deeper than just a simple child out of control. My son was unigue and it took longer and I had to tweek the edges a bit and do some of my on things. Oh and grounding for like a week would not work with a child who is only six they forget, but if you take something away for a couple hours or a day, and you consistantly do that, then it will work. Another idea would be to take all that belongs to her and have her earn it back, but that is a last resort, we did that one time when my son was going to school and choking his teacher, it worked. By the way, he is only six going to be seven in a couple of days. I really do hope this helps.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Buy a book by Jo Frost, the Supernanny! She's great. Wish she'd have been around when my kids were little.

http://www.amazon.com/Supernanny-How-Best-Your-Children/dp/1401308104/sr=1-2/qid=1169656895/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-9736137-9759021?ie=UTF8&s=books/catsclassicbeaut

You say grounding doesn't work. Do you spend all the time it takes to make sure she sticks with her punishment? She's 6 years old, so she should stay on a naughty mat for 6 minutes. One minute for each year of age. You really need to read a Supernanny book. She has a lot of experience. You need to be consistent. Give a warning about the behavior, then next time she misbehaves with that same action, put her on the naughty mat or naughty seat or naughty place, whatever you call it. If she gets off, put her back on and reset your timer for the 6 minutes. You will be exhausted after an hour or two, but you MUST remain calm, not speak to her, and keep putting her back and resetting that timer.

Once the six minutes of her actually staying on the naughty spot are over, tell her the time is over and remind her why you put her there, then tell her she needs to say she's sorry to you.

After a while, she'll know you mean business, but you MUST remain firm, yet calm, throughout the ordeal. Do NOT give up!

.

Answer 4

Talk to her calmly about the consequences of her actions. She's got to understand you're the boss and you're not going to listen to her "snappy combacks" being "bossy" and "yelling". Don't yell yourself. Don't give in to anything she wants until she turns her act around. Like no tv, computer time...things that she enjoys. Tell her when she can go a whole day without being mean, she can have one hour of tv that night before bed. Stick to your rules. Write down a list of dos and don'ts...and punishments and treats. Make sure you have lots for her to do to keep her occupied, such as puzzles, games, books, toys. If she throws a toy..take it away. She's not to have it back for months upon months.

She's not at the age of reason just yet (about 7) so even though lots of folks are against spanking, a spank on the behind after you count to 3 and she keeps it up...spank her butt, not hard, but enough for a "wake up" call. After a while, I'm sure the next time if you start to count, she immediately stop. Therefore, no more spankings.

If you won't spank her...don't you think eating soap is about the same? You've got to do something about her or you'll lose it or she'll just turn into this monster of a child. Tell her you're doing this for her own good and she needs to obey, because you're the mother, that's why. period. You're the boss, not her. Send her to her room and let her cry there all day if she wants. Don't feel bad for her. Let her grow up.

Make her say "yes please" and "no thank you" for everything! Teach her things just don't get handed to her.

You're little girl is going to have to learn the hard way. Tell her "You don't see "Kim" acting the way you do, now do you?" Your yelling is not acceptable, and if you keep it up, you won't have tv or you can go to your room...you decide the punishment.

wish you luck there!

Answer 5

Here's a radical idea that worked to change my 5 year old daughter's attitude problem. She was answering back and being bossy, not saying please or thank you and not listening at home or school. Well I started taking toys away, but it didn't seem to help too much. Then I had had enough, and I told her that the next time she gave me attitude I would take away ALL her toys and pictures on her wall. Sure enough that same night she gave me a smart answer and disobeyed me three times. So I followed through and put all her toys in the basement and took all her pictures down. So all she had was a bed, empty bookshelves, and a dresser in her room. She had to earn her toys back, which she did and now she is very polite and obedient.

This may not work for you and you may think I was cruel, but by the end of the week she had all her toys and pictures back. I would give back toys if she was being good, and I heaped the praise on her if she had a good day at school.

Answer 6

I had the exact same problem...Does she have any chores? Do you give her an allowance yet? Well my son just turned six and he was mouthy, fighting all the time, and not to friendly to his brother either. So what I did was give him an everyday challange..I made a check chart for the week and told him he had to get a certain amount of checks by friday then he could get his favorite thing..to rent a game cube game..Does she have anything that she loves to do as an activity? I also made a chart up of chores he can do around the house for little amounts of money...so if he put the dishes away he would get 50 cents. Everytime he did a job I would mark the amount,and at the end of the week and give him an allowace. The trick is...if he would fight or act out he would not get paid for that day of chores. My son was so concentrated on getting his checks and jobs done...he did not have time to yell and fight. It also teaches them about working for money, and having a good attitude doing it. It sounds like she is bored and has to get your attention somehow.This worked great with my son...I hope you give it a try. Good luck

Answer 7

Girls are definitly different than boys! I have a 9 year old boy, 7 3/4 year old boy, and a 5 1/2 year old girl, so I am feelin' ya, sistah! I definitly have to spend more time with my daughter in the way of "I'm gonna count!" "Don't make me come back there!" etc.

My advice is the next time your daughter is acting up, warn her first what the concequence will be if she doesn't stop yelling, etc. For example. "Abby, if you don't stop telling everyone what to do, you will sit on the couch until I say." Then, when she misbehaves again, say "That's one." the very next instance, say "That's TWO." and go to three. FOLLOW THROUGH with the concequence. She HAS to have a concequence. THAT is how the counting system works, and I RARELY get to 'two' with my daughter anymore. It will take a few times of getting to three and following through with the concequence. It doesn't have to be a spanking or soap, but take something away from her, and STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Don't let her watch tv. Don't let her have what SHE wants for snack, but what you say is ok becuase she is facing a concequence. This will help, and soon you will say "I'm gonna count!" and she'll back off. Be patient, and be firm. YOU are the parent, SHE is the little girl and YOU need to instill that in her.

Answer 8

A little while back my hubby and I went to a 1 night Choice Theory parenting workshop. (we're now signed up to start a 5 week course). It was a refreshing approach to dealing with things like that. We have an almost 5 year old and a 6 1/2 year old. They are usually perfect little angels in public, but can get very mouthy at home.

Basically, you give them the choice to be good, not talk back, etc. They will realize there are consequences (because you have to follow-through, no matter how much it bothers or inconveniences you). After some stomping around the house or screemeing, my daughters get sent to their rooms until they decide they want to act appropriately. It's their choice. They canalways choose to stay in their rooms longer. (no tv, radio in their rooms). Somehow, it has actually worked. You have to keep up with things and follow through, especially when they think you won't. My duaghter says 'you won't do that' so my response is 'try me' then she is very surprised when she doesn't get to do what it is she thought she was going to do.

You might try a google search for choice theory parenting. There is some interesting info in the program.

Being around other kids has seemed to make a difference... after hanging around with certain kids, mine are the mouthiest little girls you've seen. But after being around others, they are just fine. The amount of sleep they get makes a difference on mine as well. Once we have them on a regular schedule, things improved too.

Just a thought. Good luck.

Answer 9

Come up with a project for her - like volunteering at the animal shelter or collecting teddy bears for the police station to give to children, or visiting a nursing home etc. She is young to be mouthy so soon...but it is a dynamic that mother/daughter do create...but she is young enough to get her on the right track. Find some cause she really cares about and help her see it through. Give her lots of praise in the process and you will see a change.

A good project right now might be to have her make some homemade valentine cards/crafts and then take her to a nursing home to pass them out and tell her that some of the Grandma's and Grandpa's there don't have any family to come visit them or that live too far away. When she sees just how much she can light up their faces with just a few simple homemade things...she will probably start to appreciate people more.

If animals are more her thing...look up homemade doggy cookies and have her make some in heart shapes to take to the shelter etc...

Answer 10

How about some routine Mommy & me time to start breaking the ice. Like an hour here and there to paint nails. Idea is to have calming moments together. Compliment & praise her behavior to encourage more pleasant times. Build up to this hour together... enjoy music together and dance together. Try going to the local Library and having her practice quiet voice mannors. Using please & thank you w/ Librarian. Then try the grocery store, just in and out for 1 or 2 small items. The idea is to create situations "that she can display Good behavior". Then extend on the moments, to minutes, to hours etc. Giving ample opportunities to Praise Good behavior.

Then offering "choice" comments. It is your choice to behave and join us... vs mean etc... If she is mean, etc. there will be a consequence, after 2nd or 3rd mishap..

Once accomplished, invite a child friend to share time for an ice cream together. Keep the visits brief, let her know it will only be for a short time. Praise the good moments, down play the bad with a very matter of fact tone, a simple word the two of you understand.

Other idea is to keep a calendar or smiles for good days and frowns for bad... get a week or three days good get special time w/ mom or extra 10 minutes doing something she enjoys.

Answer 11

The only thing she needs to know, you're the mother, not her. You tell HER what to do, not the other way around. If she's mature enough to be able to handle you, she will be able to understand when you talk to her straight into her eyes and say, "you need to behave". The only reason grounding doesn't work is because she still might be able to do something entertaining, something that keeps her from thinking about the fact that she is grounded at one particular moment. Do something interactive while she's grounded. Have her read something to you outloud, or have her copy something from a book, write it down from you. Let her know she's grounded and the reason why, be aware of the fact that she's pushing your limits, and if every time she takes one step further you take one back, I don't wanna know how she's gonna be when she hits 13. Good luck.