Most of my family is against me but am i in the wrong?

Question

my great grandmother, grandparents on my father's side and my father refuse to talk to me because of what i did when i was 17. when i was 17 i ran away from home cuz i was old enough to imancipate myself and legally be adult. i ran away because my father had been beating me for about 10 years atleast once a week. basically it started when my parents divorced. it's been almost 4 years since i've ran away. i've lived on my own, worked, put myself through college and whatnot. now when i talk to my sister who's 15 she tells me that they are all saying i'm a bad influence and that i can't do anything right. that i owe everyone money and need to pay up cuz holding money from family is bad. i haven't had anyone in my family give me money since i was 16 and got a job. and i even sent them all christmas and birthday gifts after i ran away. so am i really a bad influence for showing i'm strong and can stand on my own without relying on others to support me?

they refuse to talk to me. my sister isn't even suppose to talk to me. if i call and she doesn't answer they hang up on me or tell my sister she can talk for 5 minutes but not to believe a word i say.

my siblings and mother are perfectly fine. i just don't get to see my mom but every few years cuz we lose contact from time to time. my great grandma is senile i think so that's why she's crazy. my grandparents what to live in a dream world so they don't want to beleive their own son would beat me so they put blame on me to keep their dreams true. and my father has a problem with drinking and steriods.

a already tried fixing it this past october, my grandma wasn't doing too well so i moved in with her and my dad to help take care of her and my sister. but they kicked me out saying i'm worthless and can't do anything right. my sister is coming down to visit me in febuary and if i can get enough money i'm gonna try to get custody of her so she can get out of the house and still go to school.

every word is true. i learnt long ago lying gets me nowhere. i also have a total of 3 siblings but my brother is 18 and apparently on my dad's good side. my sister who's 15 is my only concern. and my half sister that's 11 lives with her mom. so my full sister is the only one i worry about cuz i know she's called me a few nights afraid to go home cuz dad was drunk. i'd then call up some old friends and they'd take care of her since i live across the state.

i put myself through college because i graduated a month before i turned 18 then i went to a two year tech school and tested out of half the classes i needed to take so i graduated in 50 weeks. i have a computer aided drafting degree. my relationship with my mother is on and off. she'll be in my life for about a year or so then i can't get ahold of her. i look alot like my mother so my father hates that fact. he use to hit her from what she's told me and that's why she divorced him. she couldn't take us with her cuz she didn't know where she was gonna be living and she didn't want to raise us without a home. after the divorce is when everything started going down hill. i have vivid memories of my father being so amazing when i was really young i wanted to be him sometimes i'd follow him around and do what he did.

another little side note. when i was 10 i broke up my dad and his fiance because i told her she wasn't my mom and i raised myself so far and don't need her telling me how to live. she then broke up with my dad after that cuz i wouldn't respect her. but i was 10 no 10 year old girl wants a lady trying to step into her mom's place.

Answer 1

Your father is threatened by you. You were able to make something of yourself in spite of him. I know it's easier said than done, but don't worry about what they say about you. Your father probably put his spin on the situation and they want to believe him, because they don't want to believe they could have raised a monster who would beat his children. You are a strong person who can take care of yourself and one day you will have a family of your own to focus on. My only worry would be for your sister. Do they abuse her the way you were. If so. Try to keep in contact with her so you can help her get free too. Or call child services if you think she may be in danger. I'm not in your shoes, so I can't tell you what to do, other than be there for her, but I would forget about the rest of them. They are a sad group of people that don't deserve the time you give them by wondering about them. The best revenge you can give them is exactly what you are doing. Living your life to the fullest and never looking back.

Answer 2

I am so very proud of you for what you have done, there aren't a lot of girls who would have had the courage to do what you did let alone make it work. It seems to me that your family is jealous of you because they never thought in their wildest dreams that you would make it on your own. They figured you would come crawling back on you hands and knees and in tears asking for forgiveness, but you didn't. You succeeded where I"m sure they would have failed. Its hard for them to admit that you beat them, that you defied the odds and made something of yourself instead of staying at home and taking the beatings. You are a very positive person so please try to be the same influence on your sister without coming across as pushy..i'm sure she needs a vote of confidence. You are strong, you can stand on your own, you made the right decision, you are NOT a bad influence on ANYBODY, so f u c k them!
I"m sorry that your family is acting this way, and i'm sorry that you wont be able to have a relationship with them as I do with my parents. You can only just keep doing the right thing and hope that they will come around and open their eyes ( doubt it) but no one can say that you never tried or gave them the chance. At least one person in the family is being a positive role model.

Answer 3

Welcome to my world.
Obviously your family caught wind of what you said about your father beating you. He's their son/grandson, and the apple of their eye and therefore can do no wrong, so naturally they're not going o be terribly receptive to the claim he's a child beater. You can't do anything about that. That is one of the things you'll just have to learn to live with, as much as it sucks.
Yes, your father in particular will be looking for any way possible to make you feel like you lost out. If they make you feel bad enough and create enough animosity and problems for you, you'll come running back to them, tears streaming down your face, crying about how sorry you are and how you'll never run away again.... Yeah. Good one.
They don't like the fact that you did get out and make it. For 17 years, your father made you who you were, now you're doing it for yourself and he's not only not getting any credit for it anymore, he's being discredited as a father because of it. It makes him look bad, even without the claims of abuse.
While none of this excuses the behaviour of your family, hopefully it will go some way to explaining it to you. I went through this myself at 17 and got the same reaction - was told I'd be back, I'd never make it on my own, all that. I did make it. Bite me.
you know what you've gone through to get where you are and believe me, although your family can't see it for what it is, be proud of yourself and your achievements, because you couldn't have made it this far staying at home, and all the hard times you have been through have made you stronger and made you the wonderful and understanding person you are. And one day your kids will look up to you and know what an incredible and strong mother they have.

Answer 4

What impresses me first is of course your message is only one sided and does not give a another view into why really why they may or may not believe you are a bad influence.If there is no speaking ,how do you conclude you are a bad influence? Your question is put as though you are not mature and seek sympathy and reassurance of your position.Sure you are proving to be strong by being independent and I commend you for that but your relationship with mom is surely available . I question how did you complete college and support yourself in less time than most any one working thru college would be only in their 2nd year?Your relationship with your fathers side indicates maybe a darker side to that relationship.leave it out and speak of your mothers and your relationship dad can't still be influencing her .Does this sister live with mom or dad? sounds like dad to me and raises more questions about your early home life.

Answer 5

Your not wrong. You have done great in being on your own. Your family is the one in the wrong. No, you don't owe anyone money cuz no one has given you money that you have to repay. The money that was used on you when you were a kid being raised by them was thier responsibiliy. You should be proud of everything you've done. I know that it is hard when family won't have anything to do with you. Btw, it wasn't your fault when you were 10. As you said no 10 girl wants someone else taking thier mom's place. The woman just used that as an excuse to brake it off with your father.

Answer 6

I don't think you are a bad influence at all.You have done much good with your life. I think you would be a role model to your younger sister. Maybe you can get Temp.custody of her and help her get out of that cycle of abuse. I think you are very brave! Keep on showing them that you are a good person, That is all you can do. Many families have what is commonly called the whipping child! That is the one child that no matter what they do the family will never see the good.Maybe in some ways you remind then of your Mother. They could be giving you a hard time because of their dislike for your Mom. So do you in your case.You did a good job with yourself! Hold your head up high! In spite of the ridicule you received you turned out good!

Answer 7

No you are not wrong you are a survivor, and you are a excellent example for your sister because you could have used your past as an excuse to become an abusive person yourself or worst behavior. The way I see it is that people are too judgemental and yes even our own family sometimes, but Elohim says not to judge so therefore they are commiting a sin on top of sin by saying things to your sister. Keep strong and continue doing nice things for them and your sister even if they don't except you and your decisions, your reward will be great as you continue through life.

Answer 8

no. it sounds like you're responsible and have a good head on your shoulders despite what happened to you. its a shame your family doesn't see that. sometimes family find it very difficult to fact the 'ugly truth' about someone in their family, i.e. your father and they hate it that by running away you brought light to that fact and instead of hating and holding responsible the one who is the bad guy they blame the one who got out. i'll bet your father told quite a few lies about you and you weren't there to defend yourself so others believed him. the reason he did this is he knew he was in the wrong but because he was a cowardly child beat he was not man enough to own up to it. its amazing that you have so much courage and self respect after being raised in a household by a man like that. i, like many admire you for your strength and you are a good influence and great example to not only other abused young people but for adults too...you go girl ! don't let them get you down, eventually the truth will come out but more than that you've been through hell and come out on the otherside better than them all.

Answer 9

It sounds like to me your family havent been there for you like they should the fact that you had to leave at 17 says it all you shouldnt of had to of been in a situation like that..It's a shame you cant choose your family cause i am in a similar situation where i left home and only depend on myself but somehow my family find a way of blaming me with something...Just keep doing what you are doing look after yourself love your lil sister and be a big sis as much as you can..but you cant change other people you can onnly change yourself...But you have done somethings wrong as we are not perfect at all fess up give people what ever you may owe let go of bad rubbish!

Answer 10

join a church and meet new people, somewhere you will be welcomed.
My stepdad used to hit me for years and i used to be smothered in bruises, although i have forgiven him now, as he said sorry but would anyway, because bitterness is not good for us.
You family are not going to change that easily, and i think they are not understanding you and often families where abuse happens deny things. my brother thinks my dad is great but my dad was never nasty to him. he thinks i am the one who had the problem, they think you are the one who have had and cannot see that they have problems.
It must be lonley on your own, i never see any of my family now apart from my brother somtimes they are all dead, i am used to not having a family around. God loves you and accepts you and it is time to turn and find a good church.i will pray for them, they should accept you and forgive and you left because you felt hurt and needed safety they should understand this but some families are not like this. you are not a bad person at all they are just treating you as if you are no good. that is not nice, dont, let them put you down you are not junk, you are precious. See yourself as God sees you and not as they see you, he sent his only son to die for you so you could have eternal life. Thier is going to be a time of justice. You dont, need their approval, you need to find some nice good freinds, when a person has been hurt it is hard to trust but their are some decant people in the world. Read joyce meyers book she is brilliant and will help you
take care God loves you, even though they don,t show it and he does not make junk