What is your opinion on this?

Question

I belong to a group that was designed for Single Parents....where we can get out & talk about things....mingle...kind of like a support group...
One Mother in there is in a panic of sorts...she has been divorced for about 6 yrs now...she has 4 kids....3 girls...ages 14, 16 & 18...& she has a boy aged 9....

Whenever the girls say someone is cute, gorgeous or something like that...apperantly, the boy says..."yes, he is"....& it has her freaked out. Although, we have tried to tell her that this doesnt make him gay....she does not believe us...Since her Husband left his family for a man. This woman is feeling like maybe he is either learning from his Father or he is gay.
We tried to tell her that maybe since he is in a house full of women....maybe he is just "agreeing" with them...or maybe he really does think they are cute....he is still a kid...& still learning what the difference between boys & girls are....

I have nothing against anyone's sexual orientation....what I am looking for are some suggestions to try to get her through her panic times.....
To me this is no big deal....just something she needs to discuss with her son...& maybe her ex husband....

Any ideas?

Answer 1

Well, the kid has two problems going for him and he may be having gender issues, but at his age he can still work it out. Think about it, he has a house fool of women, and then when he goes to his dad's house, the men like each other, that is confusing right there. You might suggest to her a big brother program. This would help him make a more clear choice about what he wants to be and do when he gets older. But more than that, if the mother thinks it is a big deal, then the boy is getting more of a manly instruction.

One thing she does need to realize though is that in the end it does not matter. My son has his father right here and he is anything but gay, but my son sees his dad vacuuming and ironing cloths because his dad is a very big help around the house, and so he likes to do those things too. It is alright if he thinks a guy looks nice. My son admires these two boys in the church because they have long hair, he is seven, I am now letting him grow his hair to my desired length, but I do not think that that makes him look gay.

So to sum it up, if it really worries your friend then suggest a big brother program or that he spend some time with some older guy friends that can be trusted. Keep reassuring her that she has nothing to worry about, and suggest that she not mention these things in front of her son, as they can cause more harm than good later on.

Answer 2

i think that the mom and dad (gay or not) need to sit down and talk to the kid. Not bombard him with questions and such, but just ask him how he feels about things, or about being around all his sisters and such. She doesn't need to panic, because there really isn't anything wrong ,the little boy hasn't even hit puberty yet! She just needs to make sure that when she adresses the boy she isn't too overbearing and trying to throw her opinions on the boy. And she needs to be a little more opean minded, and have a conversation with him. And maybe the boy needs a few more male friends or role models in his life, just so he can get the hang of things from a male point of view. She can even have her daughters help him out, by maybe instead of always pointing out the guys, point out some little 9 year old girls and say, "look (little boy), isn't she pretty?" Just take some time to see where he's going with this whole thing, and not to jump to conclusions. It will be okay.

Answer 3

I would tell the mother that being painicy is just going to sap energy from her. At nine years old, and given the situation with his father, that boy is thinking all kinds of different things. If he is, in fact, gay, I think it was there all along. I don't believe someone 'decides' to be gay. I have alot of gay friends, and they say they knew at a very early age. (Five, seven, etc). Both mother and son have been though an emotional situation, and that shouldn't be ignored. It should be addressed and talked about with someone they can trust. I wish them luck!

ps, what a great friend you are to try and find info to bring back to them to help!!

Answer 4

At that age, surrounded by women (especially teenage girls) - he's bound to pick up their habits and socially-accepted behavior. There's apparently no male presence to tell him "hey bro, that's kinda gay" (for better or worse).

I grew up with brothers... no sisters... and I often comment with friends on how good looking a guy is (and of course how good looking women are) - this doesn't mean "gayness", but rather a comfort in being who I am, appreciating people for who they are, and not worrying about sexuality. I'm very much a heterosexual - chances are, this little guy is too - he just wants to fit in with his sisters and talk with them like he's a big kid too.

Answer 5

It could be possible but I think it is too early to say whether
he would be gay. For him to make comments like that
he could simply be agreeing with his sisters. I agree that
he is still learning what the difference is and it must be
confusing when your dad leaves home to live with a man.
He might see this as the norm - which for him if he did
grow into adulthood gay - then he would have the support
at least of his dad! His mom would too of course, but as
mothers we do hope that our children will get married and
have children one day. I think its good that she has got
supportive friends., and its okay for her to be 'freaked out'.

Answer 6

Just stop and think when you hear females comment about other females appearances ,good or bad. Do you think they are just making an observation, being catty, giving an opinion or are they lesbians,etc.The boy is probably just expressing his opinion.I would tell the mother to not over react to this.Sometimes things aren't deep and complex sometimes it is just a statement of fact.

Answer 7

I think being the youngest, he's quick to agree (even if he doesn't understand the subject matter) with his sisters. He's the boy - the odd one out and wants to fit in, gain acceptance from his big sisters. As parents we all want our children to choose the 'mainstream or easy lifestyle' but they will be what they're meant to be. He's only 9. Let him be a 'girl' like his sisters until he outgrows it.

Answer 8

Maybe it's the father that needs to talk to the son. The son might feel that because his dad is gay then he has to be too.

Answer 9

my bfs little sister calls boys girls and girls boys, she always refers her as a him and him as her, no matter how many times we tell her that is wrong. she is also 9. and def we dont think she is gay, but you never know, she has a twin who talks fine. i think that the boy just doesn't quite know the difference. and that is not a sign of him being gay.

Answer 10

i think she needs to see counsellor because she is only thinking this because her husband left her for man and is probably still hurting over this. it doesnt mean he's gay. he just probably mindlessly says it. he could be just being sarcastic or just agreeing to fit in with his sisters as he may look up to them and just doesnt understand yet. you cant learn to be gay and it is not genetic so tell her not to worry in that way and if he turns out gay there's nothing she can do about just aslong as he's happy and anyways he's way too young for her to be worrying about it.