At Xmas, we were burgled and lost everything. I told this friend what had happened & all she did was go on about a bloke she knew and how he'd found the love of his life and that she hadn’t one Xmas card from the temp agencies and hadn’t been invited to their Xmas parties! There was no mention about my suffering, she never asked anything about my burglary, how I'm managing, what I lost, if I need anything etc. The latest is she emailed me to say, “I left you alone as I felt that is what you needed. We all make mistakes you know.” Deep down, she only likes me as a ‘fair weather friend’. How can I let her know that yes, I was disappointed in her negligence? I want to be honest with her, but not sure how to relay this. Many, thanks.
2007-01-23 20:37:26 · 16 answers · asked by Say It Like You Mean It 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Hi Poopsy, I like your name it's cute.
There are two kinds of friends in the world, ones who care and ones who don't.We only get disappointed when our expectations are greater than they are able to give.Just forgive her and forget about it. The next time you need a friend to care, rely on someone you can count on. The day will come when she will need a friend to care and there won't be one around.
Whatever she dishes out will come back to her.
2007-01-23 21:30:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Friendships are based on trust and forgiveness. What is more important to you - getting your friend to feel bad about how she behaved? Or getting on well with her in future?
She obviously has got the message that you are hurt by her behaviour because she has emailed you with her explanation. And in saying "We all make mistakes" she is admitting she was wrong and wants you to be friends again.
So you have to decide now whether you will accept her apology even if it is not all you wanted and be friends; or if you will risk your friendship by demanding more from her.
It is horrible to be burgled, and it must have felt awful that your friend did not respond the way you wanted at the time. I was burgled last summer and I know what it's like. However, life does go on. Relationships take work on both sides; I hope that you can make up with your friend, accept her apology and enjoy life together.
2007-01-24 11:39:44 · answer #2 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She behaved in a totally selfish manner, if she was a true friend she would have asked you if you needed anything, and kept on asking you. She would certainly not have left you alone to deal with the after effects of a burglary. I would tell it too her straight, just as you have here. In fact you could print off this question, and maybe the answers and show her what other people feel. Maybe it would be a wake up call.
2007-01-23 20:44:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's no need to go out of your way to tell her that you were disappointed by her behavior. It's not your place. I'm sorry that you were disappointed, but your comments could only hurt, not help. I'd say forgive your friend and move on with your life.
I'm very sorry about the burglary, by the way, and I hope things go well for you in the future.
2007-01-24 13:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should draft your response, explaining how you feel and really let rip. Don't send the email, save it as a draft and then come back to it an hour later and see which bits you want to tone down or make stronger.
Only you can really judge what it is that you want to say, so it needs to come from you.
Also, make a decision about whether this friend is worth your time and heartache. If she isn't, then why bother replying?
2007-01-23 20:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Best just to ignore it, and her for a while, it sounds like you already made your feelings known to her.
I know you feel hurt by her insensitivity, but it will blow over,
in the mean time, go and talk to someone else who you know will care.
By the way, I'm sorry you lost everything on Christmas, that is horrible.
Don't worry, things will come together again soon and you'll eventually replace everything.
2007-01-24 07:37:39 · answer #6 · answered by janesweetjane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bother with her any more. Friends say stuff like 'is there anything I can do', offer to loan you stuff til you get sorted, offer to help clean up any damage and mess. They offer sympathy and support.
This person sounds too self centered to care about other people, including you, and I don't think she's worth you losing any sleep over.
And you were assertive enough to say something to her, and she didn't even apologise. She just wrote back 'we all make mistakes you know'.
You can say what you like, this person isn't going to change!
Just drop her and find new mates.
2007-01-23 20:53:00 · answer #7 · answered by sarah c 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My honest answer to you is as blunt as I feel your correspondence to her should be. I say to you to get off your pity potty and write a short and to the point GOOD BYE note to her.
Get this worthless "friend" out of your life. All your thoughts about her are probably close enough to being correct that you can drop this loser and not think of her sorry azz again.
Good luck.
Ignore any goody-two-shoes advice and get on with your life.
2007-01-23 20:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-26 22:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter has a friend like this. Her grandmother my mum died last year and all this girl did was talk about herself and her latest pet.She does not care about other people and what they are going through.With her its all about me me me..What I am trying to say is that when there is a crisis you find out who your real friends are.Be honest and state how you feel with her that you would have liked her support without being mean.
2007-01-23 22:29:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋