Parents how would you handle this?

Question

This afternoon a friend e-mailed me a link to Neighborhood watchdog. Its a web site to tell you about sex offenders in your neighborhood. While seaching around I found several people way to close to my house for comfort. What has me very freaked out and concerned for my 4 year old, is that one of the people I found happens to be a friend of mine and my husband. Needless to say he never mentioned haveing been convicted of "lude acts with a child under the age of 14!" What I really want to know is "what do I say to this person?" I dont want him anywere's near my daughter and I dont care what the curcumstanse of the conviction were! I just dont know how to handle this... please help!

I do know that he went to prison for several year and was just released a couple of years ago... But never asked why. Yes that was stupid of me.. but I'm not one to pry into someones personal life. Thank goodness he hasnt been around my child alot and has never been around her alone. I do not plan on keeping him as a friend, or letting my daughter anywere near him. I would never put my daughter in harms way.
I really just want to know what to say to this person... I live in a very very small town and am bound to run into him so I cant just cut off all comunication and go on with my marry life.

Answer 1

wow is it ever a blessing you saw this man on there...who knows what he would have done to your daughter had he been alone with her. I would just say to him..that you know that he has a past of abusing children and continueing to socialize with him would be a conflict of interest so you will not speak to him anymore.

Answer 2

I think you are right. I have a 7 year old daughter and 2 step daughters (6&7 years) You should cut this man out of your lives. I suggest you or your husband should speak to this man alone and say that you have found out about his conviction and feel that he may be a threat to your family. You don't have to shout or run him out of town but make it clear the you will not accept him at or near your home.
I live in the UK and we hear horiffic stories of sex offenders in the community reoffending so please dont have him near your darling little girl.

Often people only know when it is too late. There was a man who lived down the road from my mothers when she was growing up and he abused many of her friends, her 2 sisters, and 1 of my older cousins. Unfortunatly they didn'y have the courage to speak out until it was too late so it is your job and every other mothers out there to protect our kids and even if you have the slightese doubt ACT ON IT.

Answer 3

Depending on where you are he may have been required to advise you he is a sex offender. Call the sheriffs department and find out what he did and when he did it. If he was convicted it is public record. If it is something that happend with a 14 year old when he was 18 then it is probably not that big of a deal if he raped a 5 year old then you need to be very careful. Be honest with him. Tell him you found out about his past and that fact that he didnt tell you alone is enough to make you cautious and for the safety of your child you can no longer associate with him.

Answer 4

A similar thing happened to me. I was browsing one of the sites and found a co-workers husband's name, address, etc. I won't ask, it's not my place. My job is to keep my son safe so I will keep him away from this man when I see him at company parties, etc. I'm not saying any type is "right" but when it is a 18 year old guy and a 17 year old girl and the guy gets his name on the list b/c her parents don't like him, that's one thing but I don't know anything about this guy and I'm not about to take my child anywhere near him. It gives me the creeps.
Your story is different since you are good friends. I would avoid them and if they ask.. just tell them why. You sound like you know what's best for your daughter so just be strong.

Answer 5

be frank with him if you still feel you want to be friends with this person just use extreme caution with your daughter when he is around like not letting them be alone together. if he doesn't have private access to her then he can not do anything to her. it all depends on how much you value this persons friendship but you should confront him or if you don't feel comfortable you can look up his case and see what exactly it is he did. there are lot of things you can get put on a sex offenders list it might be a small thing that you wont have to worry about. but yeah the best thing would be to not leave her alone with him and research what it is tat he did weather that be from his mouth directly or if you have to find it over the internet there are allot of sites that will give you that info for free

Answer 6

Stop seeing him or talking to him. If he calls you could tell him just once you've got things going on and are busy. If he calls after that you could say the same thing or don't answer the phone.

With a child as young as four years old, at least you know she is young enough that you can be with her at all times rather than having her outside and playing alone.

This is why parents wait for young children at the bus stop and make sure they aren't out alone.

Answer 7

If you are THAT good friends, I would just ask what the circumstances were surrounding the charges.
Maybe he was also a minor at the time.

If you go on those sex offender search sites, you will see DOZENS of people convicted of sexual offenses in almost every neighborhood of every city and town.

For a while now, "sexual offender" has been the hot thing to charge people with. Just like in the 60s, a lot of people were labeled ADDICT because they were arrested for pot.

Example: My cousin and I were out one night. He had to pee really bad. He stepped out of the car, faced a wall and was peeing, when a cop car pulled up. The cop was a total jerk and arrested my cousin for lewd behavior and indecent exposure. This was 20 years ago and he now has to register as a sex offender and check in every 90 days.... for the rest of his life. His picture is also on one of those websites...

Example: My bosses younger brother pulled his penis out when he was 12 years old, in mixed company. A girl told her mother and 3 WEEKS later a cop came to his door and arrested him for indecent exposure. HE WAS 12 YEARS OLD!!!
He had to go to court, seek counseling and placed on probation till his 21st birthday and is required, for the rest of his life, to register as a sex offender.

It is like the newest witch-hunt and has already destroyed many many innocent lives.

Answer 8

Very difficult situation and every parents worst nightmare. Make it clear you want no more contact, this person should understand, your childs safety is utmost, you could inform other parents close by, their kids maybe in danger. These people usually go on to commit more crimes. You could try to set upwith parents you trust some sort of watchout scheme to look out for each others kids. Our kids are too precious to be put at risk. Campaign to have these sex beasts removed from your area.

Answer 9

all you can do is keep your distance and watch your child very well. That is very scary. Don't let this guy know what your family routine is. You could tell him the truth. just tell him that you don't feel comfortable associating with him because of what you found out. I would let your other neighbors know. especially the ones that have kids. Their is absolutely no excuse for what he did. so what if he did his time, or whatever.....he was found guilty now he will have to deal with it his whole life.

Answer 10

I would definately ask some questions. That would only be fair. If this person has never done anything to make you feel worried or scared then he deserves to at least be asked about the circumstances around the conviction. You make up your mind from then.

Answer 11

i agree with Neil B ...
because he approached the person directly ..

failing to do so is a little like going on a witch-hunt ... IS the site infaliable,, IS it possible that they may have made a mistake.
Perhaps you could go to the police and tell them re the site and ask for confirmation .. .and then IF he is guilty of the accused acts THEN cut him out of your life...

BUT what if the listing was wrong ? how would you feel if your husbands name was on it and he was infact innocent...

just get the matter verified FIRST then act .

I would want to protect my child as well ...so i do understand.