So im 19 and she's 18, we've been dating for 14 months now. As a result of her dating me, her father kicked her out of the house, (Her family is very religously muslim, yet she is not very religous) and my parents have brought her into our home. i go to college, and on my free time i help her with getting a job and car and insurance and stuff. countless nights we've talked about stuff after we're married, (baby names...etc.). Now that she's employed with a very good company, making a nice entry salary, almost ready to move out of my parent's house, when do i propose? i'm finishing up my freshman year in college. we've both agreed on no marriage until after i get a bachelor's in engineering. but she keeps asking when will i propose, and i really want to. is it okay?...seing how we're so young, and its too soon? or should i wait until...say...our 2yr anniv? or the first day we met and i told her she had long eyelashes because i didn't know what else to say? pick a random day? haha..when?
2007-01-23 19:33:06 · 13 answers · asked by zeek 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sounds like you've already started your life together as if you were already married. What difference does your age make now? What matters now is "Do you love each other?" Why do you think you need to wait to get married? Wait on Children? YES. but if you both love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together then do it. When to ask her to marry you? The first day you met sounds nice and it would be really special to her. Something she would NEVER forget! I hope you two have a wonderful life together. Just remember that it won't always be easy. You both will have to work HARD together to make it last. Love her through good and bad times. Always be honest with each other and without being friends it won't work.
2007-01-23 20:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by Blessed7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, in today's society getting married or engaged after you have lived together a while is perfectly acceptable. I have been married and now divorced, can't tell you much about how to make a marriage work but I can tell you that getting in to soon can ruin the whole thing. Live together on your own for a year first, then propose. If you are worried about her thinking you'll take off, give her a promise ring (usually a plain gold band), it means you are promising yourself to her. They aren't used much anymore but I think they are a great idea, she can give you one too. Its a way of saying that when the time is right you will get engaged, it allows for a deeper commitment without all the fuss of trying to plan a wedding yet.
Since it is a way saying you are moving to a more committed level in your relationship you should make a fuss about it but don't go all out or you will have to work way harder for the proposal to seem bigger. Maybe find a poem about promise or love online or something and take her to a favorite place. Read the poem and tell her you are gifting this ring to her as a promise to propose and share your life with her, then give her the ring. If she as never heard of a promise ring you don't want her to think you are proposing yet, that would be heartbreaking for her.
2007-01-23 19:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long engagements don't often work, at least in my experience and the experiences of my close friends. You will end up either getting married sooner than intended (which may or may not be a bad thing), or one (or both) of you will get frustrated and you won't marry at all. Trust me.
I was engaged at age 18, I seriously think it is waaaay too soon. Especially since you're studying engineering, and from what it sounds like, she's not going to school at all? Engineering degrees, I am sure you know, take longer than the standard 4 years. You will be extremely lucky if you are out in 4 and a half. Once you get farther into your education, the gap between the two of you could widen. Trust me. My fiance was not going to school and I was. The differences between us grew greater and greater.
If you do this, I wish you the best, but I really really think that you need to make sure you are prepared and ensure you are taking everything completely seriously. If she is pressuring you to propose, she's not the girl for you. A good girl would be patient and wait it out.
Granted, though, she did leave her family for you. For now, I'd reccommend getting her a promise ring. In case you don't know what those are, they are basically a step below a proposal. They say "I promise to propose to you and stay faithful to you" the same way an engagement ring says "I promise to marry you."
2007-01-23 19:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by nicole_b_2003 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to follow your heart and instincts on this one. Do not give in to any pressure on such an important decision.
I would say to wait, except you have already decided to wait to finalise your commitment until your bachelor's , so there is already a built in waiting period before you take the big plunge.
I married at 18 and we celebrated our 28th anniversary last Nov, so it can work.
It would be best if you could bring her parents into the fold. A young lady shouldn't have to choose between her family and the man she loves. I wonder if this engagement is her way of signalling to them that this relationship is to be taken seriously...?
2007-01-23 19:47:32 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it now. A proposal is nothing more than a serious conversation of your feelings and intentions towards her. She's feeling lost in a whirlwind, feeling like she can't trust anybody (even her own parents abandonned her.) Thus the bi-polar personality youre probably witnessing. Get down on your knee and let her know that the rock your placing on her hand is only a symbol of the solid security you hope she finds in you. Things will get easier for you the more secure she feels.
2007-01-23 19:54:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make sure this is who you want to be with FOREVER, and remember you will have to deal with her family FOREVER. I would wait till you know you are ready to propose, and until you have graduated college to get married. I have been with my husband since 16 years old and we didn't get married till I was 28, and it's been great, so a long engagement can work. I wouldn't wait that long, but atleast after you graduate.
2007-01-24 03:58:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got engaged at 19, it was ok. But we waited until I was 22 and my husband was finished school and settled in a good job. So be sure you dont just wait for graduation, be sure you are in a good job too.
You dont have to pick a special day, you do it when you want. That you are asking will make it a special day for you both.
Good luck!
2007-01-24 00:09:52 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and she have been living in the same house together even if it is your parent's house....and she got kicked out of her own home because of her feelings for you.
if you love her and it seems she loves you, take a chance! ask her to marry you and then while you are going to school, both of you can continue staying by your folks house and you go to school and she can go to work. you can still propose, give her a promise ring and wait a couple of years before getting married. at least in her eyes you and she are legitimate and in the eyes of her parents, they will have more respect for you for respecting their daughter.
at least, she can say she is your fiancee and she can start calling your mother and father "mom" and "dad". she will then be like family already and feel more comfortable at your house.
2007-01-23 20:02:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that's great that your so in love...but I can't help but wonder, what's the rush. Take your time, get to know each other before you jump into such a big commitment. Try living together first....something...anything before getting married. Your young, live it up for a while.
2007-01-23 19:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by a_rose_by_another_name 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hay dude,,
She was kicked out of her parents house cuz of you,, the least u can do is to propose and be engaged,, not married if you don't wanna marry now..
and if you did it in Valentine She will never forget it,, and remember it all her life,,,
Think about it..
2007-01-23 19:46:13 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋