My daughter has started yelling to get her own way!?

Question

She has always been a sweet calm little girl, but latley she has started yelling and screaming every time something is no exactly as she wants it! My other children spoil her rotten and were giving into her but ive spoken to them and they have stopped now but it hasent changed her reign of terror!!She is now 3yrs old. I wont smack her for this so please dont suggest that i do!! We dont give in to her so that cant be prolonging the problem What did you do if this happened to you!?

Answer 1

My 2 1/2 yr. old is the youngest of three and her siblings give in to her every whim! She would, and sometimes still will, yell and scream, tantrum, kick, and pinch, when she doesn't get her way. Taking toys away has never effected her, and time outs turned into a game for her...she now sends herself to timeout. Ignoring her will work sometimes, but she will tantrum for 30 min. to an hour and insist on being right in the middle of the family doing it. I think, by continually moving her, she is still getting some of the attention she wants without having to change her behavior. So...the only things that work for her are:

1) Her quieting place. I had her help me set up a special corner in her room with a blanket, pillow, book, and toy, and that is where she goes when she needs to calm down. Instead of saying "you need to go to time out", I say "this (fill in the blank) isn't okay, do you need to go to your quieting place until you feel better?" She will usually go, because it's her choice, and because it has been set up as a positive place that is just for her.

2) If she chooses to continue tantruming, I tell her we need to have a big-girl conversation. If that doesn't work, I put her in a forced timeout. I place her in a chair (a stool works great too), and I sit in front of her, making sure she is sitting straight and still, until she chooses to stop yelling and is willing to say sorry to the family for the noise. These can sometimes last as long as an hour, but they only happen about once per month or less. I've discovered that much of the yelling is just strong-will that hasn't found the right path. She is stubborn as a rock, and even after an hour in time out, will still remember what she wanted before the tantrum! These are basically a safe battle-of-the-wills, that remind her that she will not always win. After she is done in the time out and she is calm, I explain why she couldn't have what she wanted and give her some other options (you can have it after dinner, or ask nicely).

Three is also the age where little ones know they have some control, and need to exert some control over their environment. Her reactions to things not being exactly as she wants them could be a cry for some more responsibility and a way to "control" something (especially as the youngest). You might want to try giving her little "chores", like helping set the table, or give her an area of the house that she can "decorate" the way she wants it.

Answer 2

She's the youngest and she's three - which adds up to the the problem you're having. Part of it is her age, part of it is that she may feel she needs to yell to be heard, and part of it could be her way of demanding attention (in view of the fact that she's the littlest). Sometimes the littlest child takes advantage of her place. Sometimes, though, she may be angry at always being talked down to, talked about, or treated as if she's "only 3" or "only" anything.

When she yells tell her firmly that she isn't getting whatever it is until she asks politely. If you remain consistent with this she will stop.

One thing, though: Is there any chance what happens is something like this: They're all playing, and she has, say, the ball. She doesn't want to give the ball to the next kid, so the next kid takes it from her, and then she yells? If that's what happens she isn't yelling to get what she wants. She's yelling because she is angry and frustrated at what feels to her like being bullied.
Just a thought because I've seen that kind of thing a zillion times.

Finally, I didn't have a three-old yeller, but I had a three-year-old who would cry when the five of us would be talking about where we were going to eat. Someone would mention one place, and she'd latch onto that mentally. Someone would mention another place, and she'd cry about wanting to go to the place she had just fixed her brain on. If a third place got mentioned she'd cry about the second place because she had - in spite of crying - "adjusted" to the idea of the second place!! Three-year-olds get upset. They tend to be past tantrums but into "acting emotional". I'm guessing your little girl will grow out of this phase even if you can't figure out how to hasten the process in the meeantime.

Answer 3

It's an attention thing- and the fact that she already has gotten her way a few times makes it harder for you now. Believe it or not, they are VERY intelligent at that age and you must quietly sit her down- not when she is doing this bad behavior, and have a "talk" with her. Tell her that mommy and daddy do not allow such behavior from their children and that she, even though she is the youngest, is not going to be allowed to act in that way. Set some rules before hand with the rest of the family--- one- you must ALL agree on the levels of misbehaving and the punishment to fit the level of crime so to speak---Tell her that pretty little girls do not behave that way and that you and her daddy are very disappointed that she is acting this way and that because she doesn't listen and stop this behavior immediately, that she will have to be punished. Also tell her that her brothers and sisters are also aware of this conversation with her and that they will all be watching her to see if she misbehaves....at her age-- the easiest and hardest on her punishment is the take away scenario- and you MUST FOLLOW THROUGH!. No, it should not be that she cant go to a birthday party or some type of family or friend get together-- that would be too harsh at this point in this game, you have to take away a favorite toy, game, doll... and the loss is immediate- as soon as she misbehaves and she does not get it back until she goes one full day without acting out in this manner--- this should be enough to get her in line--- but make sure that the other children in the family are not taunting her to misbehave, as they love to do.. I do not believe in hitting a child either and neither of my daughters were ever hit-- but we did take toys away and it did work--- as they got older, it was events, like parties, if their behavior was inappropriate---discipline is harder on the parent than the child and you have to stick to your guns and by NO MEANS LET THE GRANDPARENTS UNDERMINE THIS PLAN--- THEY MUST BE COMPLETELY ON BOARD IF THEY BABYSIT FOR YOU!!!. Make it a 24 hour loss of the toy-- it's usually a stuffed animal or doll, and she may cry without it to go to sleep but you have to endure the first couple of times... she will then learn that the loss of her prize possessions means more to her than acting out and making her siblings laugh and you cry. Its power play and yes, it starts at 3.....and when you give her the toy back, give her a kiss and tell her that her dollie/stuffed animal missed her and wishes she wouldn't do it again.....good luck--- it worked for my girls, but all kids are different and if it progresses- a child counselor is always worth the money if you can catch it at this early age because think of what she'll be like at 15 and 16!

Answer 4

Since I am 36 weeks pregnant with my first child, I wouldn't know exactly how to answer that question. But I do live in a house with a VERY spoiled kid and it just boggles my mind how he gets away with his attitude. He's pretty sweet to me, though, but to his older siblings and esp his parents it's unbelievable. He's very very wise and talks back like he's the boss and defies them all the time, unless he gets threatened to be spanked then he MIGHT listen.. which he's NEVER been spanked before anyway. And the funny thing is that he still get most what he wants when he wants.

I'm not a parent yet nor have I been a gaurdian. But I think every child is different and their personalities need to be handled in their own way. That's good that you don't give in to her. Tough, tough love i guess is what ur baby girl needs. Time out would be good and maybe taking away something that she loves.

Answer 5

Time outs dont really work...

when she yells the first time, tell her that you will not answer unless she asks nicely and with a "please".

the 2nd time, tell her again to ask nicely or you will not listen to her.
3rd time...do not respond and let her throw her tantrums. Wear ear plugs if you have to.
(you gave her two chances to understand)

She will continue to throw her tantrums probably 3-4 more times, and maybe for a long time each.
(if you are open to putting her in her own room by herself when she does throw her fit, it would work faster)

but just stick with ignoring her, and tell everyone to do the same.. she will learn that yelling will not get her what she wants.

Answer 6

Every time she yells take something away from her.Her favorite toy or whatever she likes the most.Keep it for one day.If she doesn't yell,give it back.Never,ever give in.It always works with my 4 year old.Or i put him in his room and close the door,telling him we don't have to hear him.He hates being alone and he stops right away.I do smack my almost 3 year old.She is hard to deal with.Not hurt her,to stop her.And it works too.

Answer 7

You're doing fine by not giving in and not hitting her... I know it's frustrating but be patient and when she starts seeing she can't get her way, she'll stop...

I had a friend who's son started doing that, and it actually wasn't a behavioral problem, it was a physical problem he had.. People thought he was a bad kid, but in reality he was just in pain and didn't understand what was going on with him so he was angry. He had surgery and then became so sweet afterwards... Hope everything is fine with your daughter.

Answer 8

My daughter did a similar concern. Many nights she could pass slowly into my mattress and that i does no longer comprehend she became there till her elbow or knee jabbed me interior the back. i attempted incentives, like a clean DVD or small toy, if she could sleep in her mattress for X style of nights. that did no longer artwork. i ultimately have been given a lock for my mattress room door with a key, because of the fact she discovered the thank you to liberate the interior-door type lock. Now I lock my mattress room door each and every night. She is well-known with if she desires me, she would be in a position to knock. whilst i'm particularly drained and don't hear her the 1st time she knocks, she in many circumstances provides up and places herself back to mattress.

Answer 9

Calm the child down and give her activities or a good dvd cartoon will do.
Find constant activities cause they get bored at this age.
Get puzzles, scissors, magazines,playdoe,anything that keeps her mind off yelling.

Answer 10

Be strict.

If you yell / scream - i cannot understand you - and you will be put on the time out bench. (out of sight of the others).
Try to ignore it if you can (very hard).

Teach her to ASK if something isn`t the way she likes it.
Also, tell your other kids not to spoil her rotten, cause then she`ll believe she can get away with anything.