any suggestions?

Question

how i forgive me dad for physical abuse and verbal abuse he put me through cause i know he wont be alive and around forever. and how i forgive my brother for when i was 10 when he let a guy in his 40s in after i told him the guy molested me in the past and my brother was downstairs playing music while guy in 40s raped me and my brother let him in the house i was 10 yrs old at time and 33 yrs old now

Answer 1

I'm a victim myself and im sorry to say but u never get over it. It will always have some impact on your life.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for all you have been through. Things like that are very hard to deal with. I know............I've been through very similar experiences myself.

I don't know if you are christian or not, but I can only share how I managed to forgive my Dad.

I held hatred, anger and bitterness for many years before I finally realized God would judge my Dad one day. If God found my Dad repentant, he would be forgiven. If my Dad wasn't repentant, he would not be forgiven and he would pay for the things he did in his life. It was because of that realization that I could leave it in God's hands.

I was able to forgive my Dad and actually develop a good, healthy relationship with him before he died. I am very thankful for that.

If your Dad has changed and treats you better now, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him. But, if he still treats you badly, don't blame yourself for not forming a good relationship with him. You need to take care of yourself and not put yourself in a bad situation all over again.

Pretty much the same goes for your brother. But I personally found it harder to forgive my brother for things he did to me........in fact I still struggle in that area.

You didn't say how old your brother was at the time he let the guy in his 40's in the house. If your brother was a kid at the time, try to keep in mind that he probably didn't really realize how serious the situation was. If he knew exactly what was going on, that's a whole different thing.

Not knowing what your Dad and your brother are like now and how they treat you, it's hard to advise you. But I do wholeheartedly encourage you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Guard your mind and spirit. Don't let anyone put you down or abuse you in any way anymore.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

You can forgive your father and brother for yourself yet still not forget what happened to you. You don't have to forget it happened or pretend it didn't hurt, to move on from it. In your brother's situation depending in his age and ignorance at the time, he wasn't the one who ACTUALLY raped you even though he should have protected you more as an older? brother. I think we can forgive people of their actions, yet still allow ourselves time to grieve for what happened to us and the fact it should NOT have happened. It doesn't excuse your father or brother's actions but helps you to live your life without hatred. You need to mourn the loss of your innocence from the 40+yr old man and the changes he brought about in you, same as with your father, then accept who you are today because of these traumatic experiences. Then try to forgive and deal with your life from there.

I'd suggest alot of counselling via phone or internet forums/groups in how other people in your situation have coped and moved on. Try also face to face counselling with your nearest rape or mental health clinic. I hope this helped some.