first time mommy going crazy, can someone please help?

Question

my baby boy is 15 months and has a really bad temper, I try to clam him and he just throws himself to the ground and screams and tells me no. He hits, bites, and throws stuff at me, I dont know how to disaplin him. Also, he wont sleep alone he wakes up screaming til I get him .. he has to sleep with me and I wanna try to break that.. any ideas> please help he wont listen he thinks everythign is a big game !
also.. he has a big issue with me leaving to go any where even the bathroom! he screams and screams and pounds on the door..... he even freaks if he can see me ... but not touch me ! like if im ou ton the balcony. the babysitter tells me he crys by the door the whole time im gone!

Answer 1

He is most likely just in two phases:

A phase where he needs to be with you (which is normal and which comes at around a year old), and a phase where he is showing the beginning of a version of the "terrible two's". If he has the intellectual development of a baby a little older than he is but the emotional development of a baby his age he is going to be unhappy a good part of the time. Part of it could also be his disposition. Some babies are more "vocal" than others when they want something (the thing that he wakes up screaming).

With his just being a little over one year old, and in view of the fact that right now he has the simple need to be with you and know you are nearby, go with it. He'll outgrow that. Babies become aware that they are separate beings from their mother, and when they do they begin to be afraid when they can't see their mother.
Don't leave him alone right now. If you have to bring him into the bathroom with you give him a book and ask him to sit on the bath mat. (If you're more comfortable throwing a towel over yourself or otherwise being discreet, do that. ) Take showers when he is asleep for now. This particular phase he is in probably won't last more than another couple of months.

When he hits tell him firmly, "Don't do that to Mommy". Do that same if he bites. Do the same if he throws something, but also keep what he threw. He's too young right now to expect him to understand anything beyond a firm, "Don't do that". Once he gets closer to two (I doubt he'll still be doing it then anyway) you can put him in his room if he does that stuff.

It may not appear that he "gets it" if you just firmly tell him not to do something (and make sure your face shows that you are displeased; make sure your voice is firm and a little on the cold side but not yelling); but over a little time he will. Doing this now won't look like it is working, but over the next few months he'll stop as he gets older; and if you don't show clear and consistent displease and tell him "no" now he won't stop once he's old enough to really know better.

When he wakes up get him as soon as possible, and if he screams be lighthearted about. Say something calm and lighthearted, like, "My goodness. What is all that screaming about? Was that my boy, or was that a troll?" Use a lighthearted voice that will kind of take the power out of his feeling he has screamed and gotten you upset or made you "hop to it". Again, at his young age, he's just doing what the more impatient variety of babies do. You could also - every single time he does it - say, "When you want Mommy just say, 'Mommy!'". Again, it won't work immediately because of his age, but after he hears it for a while (combined with his getting a little older) that will stop.

Try, too, not to frustrate him (which is usually what causes the on-the-ground, screaming, thing for most toddlers). Tell him ahead of time what will be going on. If you take something away from him be calm and nonchalant about doing it, but immediately bring him away from the "scene" and show him something else to get his mind off his "loss".

Babies that age are not able to understand why they can't just do what they want and have what they want. Try to limit the opportunities for conflict with him right now. Don't try to make him sit places he doesn't want to sit or eat things when he doesn't want to eat more. Indulging him a little on the small things will reduce the conflict for now and make him a little more ready to go along with the program when it is important (and if it doesn't it will at least reduce the number of times in a day he is upset and frazzled). A baby who is not upset all the time and frustrated is a happier baby, and a happier baby is more willing to go along with what his mother says will be happening next.

If you can eliminate the causes of his frustration as much as possible now, while he's too emotionally immature to be able to deal with those frustrations, he'll be a better natured child; and as he gets closer to two he'll be able to be reasoned with a little more than he is now - believe it or not.

People often think if they indulge a child's wishes just a little now it will mean the child will always be spoiled and demand his way. That's not true. When you're dealing with a baby you need to cut him a little slack and try to keep him from getting all frazzled over some stupid thing. That's what babies look to their mothers to do. As they get older they don't need that any more because things don't upset them as much as they do when they're a year old or so and can't deal with frustration.

When it comes to the sleeping problem: Try to establish a nice bedtime routine, a nice bath maybe, rocking him a little if he'll let you, etc. The calmer he is, the more likely he'll sleep through the night without waking up. If you have to walk with him until he sleeps or rock him do that and then put him in his crib.

Something else you could do is put toys or books that are safe for babies (make good and sure there are absolutely no small parts) in his crib, so if he wakes up he may find something to do for a little while. If he still uses a bottle put a bottle of water in his crib as well.

Finally, this: I have three kids and never had any problems with any of them. Even so, I am convinced that 15 months old is the most difficult age a baby reaches because they are growing up intellectually but just not able to emotionally deal with frustration. I always said I thought the "terrible two's" came at 15 months for my babies because by the time they got to be 2 they were pretty reasonable and had good language skills, so they could express themselves without frustration.

For now, just remain calm and solid, tell him "no" when he does something like hit you, try to be a little understanding of his frustration, and be confident that this phase will pass in the reasonably near future.

Other than the frown-face and saying, "Don't do that" there is no real type of "discipline" when it comes to a baby this age. He's too young to understand what he may be being punished for (if you were to do something like put him in his room). That's more for a child who is over two.

Answer 2

well with the tantrums do you have a play pen? take all the toys out when he is hitting and stuff put him in the playpen sit on the couch or some where near and just say you hit no play. or you bite no play he will cry and stuff when he calms down the pick him up tell him you love him but hitting isnt nice. eventually he will learn. kind of like time out but forcing a toddler to sit in a chair almost impossible. as for the sleeping thing when he wakes change him offer him a drink make sure he is ok then put him back in his bed, tell him night night it will be hard but you can do it, and the leaving him alone thing even to go to the bathroom when he wants a drink and is playing tell him ok brb bye then when your done getting his drink and is in his sight tell him hi or hello and after a while he will learn when you go bye you also come back my son was very bad about wanting to be by my side constant also but we lol managed he is now 7 and in school. i also have a 2 yr old

Answer 3

Good luck! Part of it is an age thing, but unfortunately that doesn't give us an excuse to allow it. I just went through (and am still going through) this with my son. As to sleeping by himself, if it is really important to you, put him in his crib and go sleep on the couch so you can't hear him as much. It may take 3 nights! If you let him cry for 2 hours and then break down and get him, he now knows that he only has to cry for 2 hours to get what he wants. Disciplining a 15 month old is touchy. He isn;t too young to get his hand slapped if he takes something that you have said no to. When he acts up, maybe put him in his crib or playpen (right away) I have caught some good tips from SuperNanny or Nanny911. There are also some good books out there.

Answer 4

When he wakes up at night you can still go in and comfort him, but let him know that you won't pick him up. Give him water at night instead of milk as that isn't as tasty. Take away the things he throws and just keep doing it until he stops throwing stuff. Hold his hand down when he hits, when he's calm make him stroke you on the cheek and say nice, tell him good boy. When he bites, hold his cheeks (don't squeeze)say don't bite do nice. Just like a puppy repetetive will work. As far as going away is concerned, I would not make a big exit. And I would bring a candy m+m in with me when I came back. Practice with leaving for 30 seconds, 2 minutes, 5, 10, 30 and so on until he knows that it's no big deal. This is the age when they get strange about Mommy, needing her all the time. Again, just like puppies, they need socializing. Go to Grandma's house and pass him around alot. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I have 2 girls ages 4 and 2. My younger was a hitter. We picked a time out spot and everytime she started acting up that is where she would end up. Be consistant. She always tried to get up and run away but I would catch her and sit her little butt back down until she finished her time out (1 minute per yearold). She would hit me so I would briefly hold her arms down to her side and tell her "No hitting, Hitting hurts" or if she tried to bite we would tell her "No biting, Biting hurts". This only works if you are consistant!

If you are out of the house you can still do Time Outs. Just find a chair that is out of the way. Other parents will understand and sympathize!

With the seperation anxiety you have to say your goodbyes fast and direct. Be firm and gentle. Do not coddle. Just say "mommy has to leave for a little while. I will be back home soon. You will be playing with So-And-So while I am gone". Try to get your sitter (or whoever) to engage your child in an activity (coloring, playing, ect) as you are leaving. Distraction is the key. If you let your son get worked up right away....it's too late.


For the sleeping probs...the Ferber method aka "Cry it out" is bogus. Even Dr. Ferber himself has now come out and said it isn't the best option to getting your child to sleep. There are a lot of different ideas out there....you are going to have to find something that works for you (and isnt tramatic like Ferber)

Answer 6

I've only been a mom for 2 months now, but I have also done some weird things. We have a male cat but we also have 2 female cats in the house right now that we are looking after while a good friend of ours is in Europe. My daughters name is Chloe but I find myself calling her one of the cats name and then being like "oh I mean..." and I'll say another cats name before I finally say hers. My SO thinks this hilarious but I don't think it's that funny. Also I find myself heading into a room and totally forgetting why I went into it but then like 5 minutes later I'll remember why and go back into the room only to forget once again. I am totally confused as to what day of the week it is so when I am telling someone a story I'll get the days messed up and sometimes it can lead to confusion for all involved. I think it's normal and you are not going crazy...my mom says you never really get your brain back after having kids.

Answer 7

You have to become the strong, calm force in the room. When he gets into this kind of state you have to keep completely quiet, soft-voiced, rational, and calm, slow-moving and gentle. Behave as though you're in a room where people are sleeping. As a dramatic contrast to his temper tantrum, conduct yourself in a firm but soft, loving way. Treat the situation as though it were a boiling pot and you must turn down the heat by not feeding his agitated state with your own. As long as he is not being destructive, ignore him but in a kind way - softly, facing the other way or doing some task "I'm sorry you're so upset right now, I love you so much". 15 months is pretty young to "discipline" him or rationalize with him - you have to feed calm energy into him no matter how hard it is and probably for hours at a time until he can reflect it back. He will.

Answer 8

Unfortunately sweetie, you have some screaming to go through yet. He has learned from you that all he has to do is scream and cry and pitch a fit and he will get his way. Who is the parent here? Who is responsible for his well being? You are of course. Resign yourself to the fact that you have made a mistake it letting him get by with it for so long. We have all made mistakes as parents. Your sure not the first and won't be the last either. Your going to have to put your foot down and mean it. Will it mean hours and possibly days of screaming ahead but you can do it. Your going to have to ignore the cries It's called active ignorance. You are aware of what he does for his own safety but you say and do nothing while he cries it out.

Answer 9

When my 14 year old was your son's age, I had been by that time reading her a bedtime story every night for at least a year. Her imagination was sharp and keen. SO whenever she didn't want to do what needed to be done, I'd grab a puppet, her favorite stuffed animal and even Barbie on occassion. I'd do the character's voice and they could CONVINCE HER to do whatever Mommy couldn't like M A G I C . Please try it. I know it sounds cooky, but he's a kid and his world is still enchanted. Approach him from a different perspective and find peace without a noisy headache. My three month old is already falling in love with her pink bunny. Pink bunny's gonna be my best friend in a year!

Answer 10

if you keep giving in every time all he is learning is scream loud enough and I get what I want. When he is throwing a tantrum pick him straight up and put him in his cot till he calms down. Go in every few min. and tell him when he is quiet he can come out. You have to get on top of this now as it will only get worse and harder to break the habit. Once you make the decision to get on top of this don't back down. All he will learn is he just has to scream longer to get it. It will probably be one horrible week but well worth it at the end

Answer 11

Tantrums are not that unusual at that age. I solved it, my son pitched a fit and I sat there watching when he got tired I told him that he could do much better and I got down on the floor kicking and screaming throwing a major tantrum, after a few minute I sat up and told him that that was how to pitch a fit. He never did again. I would put a radio in his room tuned to a soft music station, Music hath charms to sooth the savage beast. My son occaisional would refuse to go to bed, I told him OK sleep on the sofa, he would lay down and I walk around turning off the lights, He is usually asleep before I get the lights out. Then I carry him into his room and put him to bed.