I am debating with a guy online about distance. He won't date outside of a 25 mile radius of where he lives. He seems to think that if he met a woman who lived further away in some ugly metro area, that he would have to give up his life in his nice community.
If you met a guy whom owned a nice home in a nice safe community and had his practice (legal) set up in the same area, and you on the other hand, lived in a small apartment in a bad area, and worked a low paying store job which can pretty much be found anywhere if you are willing to work.... If the relationship got serious to marriage , would you expect the man to sell his house and office and move in with you or would you move out of your apartment to live with him and find a job in his town? This has nothing to do with independence or anything, just practical sense of what would make the most sense for both people in the situation.
2007-01-23 14:27:03 · 14 answers · asked by reallyfedup 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have no problem moving with a guy when I marry but this guy seems to think that if he goes out with someone that he would have to give up where he lives. He is just a guy that I have been talking to but his attitude bothers me. No I didn't go to college but we have so many things in common when it comes to practical things like prefering small groups over crowds and being non drinkers and non partyers.
2007-01-23 14:42:38 · update #1
We are talking a profession as opposed to a job. The idea of him giving up his established professional practice to go live somewhere else and start all over is not too realistic. If you are just living somewhere and working at a low end job, you can replace that anywhere. But if it is your family neighborhood and you would be leaving all your friends and family members behind, think twice. If you give up your apartment and go to live with him, especially on a trial (non-married) basis, you face the possibility of a break up and you would have to find another job, apartment, etc. No matter what, if you leave your family and friends behind, you will have to make new friends and they will probably be his also, so you may become a sort of johnny-come-lately or new comer.
One of the troubles of on-line dating is you never know where the other person is until you get aquainted. Why not meet half way and see if you like each other in person. Then you go to his world and meet some of his friends, and he makes a trip to your world and meets some of yours. It would be lovely if a couple could fall in love and just live anywhere, as long as they are together. In real life there are family, friends and co-workers you must count as part of the deal.
If he owns a house and has a business practice established, plan on moving into his world. Too much time has been invested in his eduaction and profession to even consider dumping it and starting all over somewhere else just because of a relationship.
2007-01-23 14:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes worked hard to get that safe house and good community but you have to realize that unless you have the background to meet his friends and work as his wife in the community, you may feel you are on an unlevel playing field. Its totally unrealistic to expect him to move down scale to your area and lifestyle, neither of you would be happy. If you are college educated or will be going to college, it might work, but, if not, consider the reception you will get from his associates before marrying him.
Pretty Woman only worked in the movies.
2007-01-23 22:37:15 · answer #2 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it would make more sense to move into his house. if his legal practice is already established in his community why ask him to move his practice and to ask him to ask his customers to travel a distance just to see him.. i mean if the women could find her simple store clerk job anywhere, why not give it up and maybe try to find a better job when she moves in with her husband..? also.. if he has a big house, its be easier and more comfortable to move into his house and not try to cram everything into a small apartment, and personally if i lived in a crappy neighborhood and had the chance to move to a nicer, safer one.. id take the chance..
2007-01-23 22:36:12 · answer #3 · answered by Morgan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I moved two states to be with my man and havent regreted it for a second. If your sig other has the less replacable job and is making enough, and willing to support you through the job transition then no reason not to. Why would you choose to risk financial sucurity for the sake of making him bend.
2007-01-23 22:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by Fire's Shaddow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it gets to that point, I'd say move in with him. There may be better jobs in his town, and it'll be like getting a fresh start. With him it would be too hard to move his practice. Let him know that you'd be willing (if you are) to move to his community.
2007-01-23 22:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by the_blue_violinist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he really loves you and it is that serious to get married I'm sure he'd be wanting the best for you and for both of you... a better life quality and all.. so you wouldn't even have to ask if you have to move out... he would've asked you to move in with him!!!
2007-01-23 22:35:53 · answer #6 · answered by Aija 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definetly give up the medeocre job and go to live in a nicer community, in a nicer house, with a person that cared about me.
2007-01-23 22:30:49 · answer #7 · answered by Jhaycen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk it out to see who had more to lose ... since he is established there with a house and a law practice it would make more sense to move there ... its a sacrafice on your part but he should be worth it.
2007-01-23 22:34:26 · answer #8 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems obvious to me, that the women would move in with him. It sounds like he has his life already set up.
Although you may want to explore the reason that he doesn't want to date somebody from another neighborhood, is it because he doesn't want to be associated with somebody from that community? Or because he doesn't want to be caught going to that community?
If it is either of these reasons you may want to reconsider even wasting your time debating with him. There is no reason talking to somebody with those kind of standards.
2007-01-23 22:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Murphy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your hearts away and put your minds on the table, do what's for the best of you two.
You don't need your hearts because you love each other already, but you need your mind to figure out what is the best solution.
At the end of the day, it's not you, or him, it's the word 'US' or 'We'.
:)
2007-01-23 22:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by calv83luc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋