I have been dating my boyfriend since the fall of 2005 and for some weird reason he has been talking about kids, getting married , and moving to Italy alot lately. It is kind of freaking me out because he was telling me that if we did get married then he would want me to be a homemaker ?! And I didn't say anything to him at the time, but I just really can't see myself having a family in 2 or 3 years. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death and I would love to marry him, but I just don't think I could see myself having kids that soon(I was thinking when I am like 28).
Questions:
1.Is starting a family at a young age a good or bad idea and why ?
2.If you started a family when you were young, would you reccomend it to someone else and are you happy?
3.If you are a homemaker, do you enjoy it ?
Details:
-I am 21(Junior in college) and he is 22(Senior)
-We met in college
-He is Italian and his whole family lives in Italy(He is just going to college in the US)
-His Mom is a homemaker
2007-01-23 14:26:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't have a problem with being a homemaker because I love children and I love to cook and do things of that nature...but I just don't see myself doing that in 2 or 3 years.
2007-01-23 14:35:10 · update #1
first of all, you are already a junior in college and only need a year or so to finish. tell him you would like to finish and graduate. that is the most important thing to do right now. that will also give you time to think about all these as it must be quite overwhelming....new country, being in love and your future plans!
if after a year or so and you both decide you love each other and want to move to italy where he is from and get married, that is fine! i had two children at 24 and my daughter who is 28, had her two kids are 24 and is happy.
maybe in the beginning, he might have this idea of you staying home and having kids. but don't worry, people change their minds and attitudes as time goes. he is young so he will change too.
maybe you can tell him that you would like to work until the kids come and then you will stay home. later on in your marriage, when the kids get older and you would like to go and practise your profession then i am very positive he won't mind. trust me! he will by that time mature and will appreciate a partner who will help him economically.
2007-01-23 14:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then that's what you tell him.Your not ready.
Starting a family young is good because you have more time to spend with them,and enjoy them.
I would not personally recommend it at 24.
I can not answer number 3,because i am a man who works everyday.
Your details should tell you a lot,especially the part about him being Italian and his Mother being a homemaker.In Italy women do as their told.They do not speak out about what they think because it is the man who makes all of the decisions.Being a Homemaker,in Italy where he learned all his way from his Dad or some male figure will assure that you will be under his control.
2007-01-23 14:55:21 · answer #2 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are lucky to have found someone with those traditional values. Most men today (even those my age 40+) want to just play and not marry and don't want to provide for their wife and family. Women today are selfish in putting off families to enjoy their single years. They wait till their 40 to have kids and then when those kids grow up and want to enjoy their single years, they have to deal with elderly parents at a younger age. My aunt married at 19 and had a child at 20 and her child married and had a child at 18 , and the generations have continued. She is 82 and a great great grandmother and enjoys a wonderful life living among the many generations of family members. I think one of the biggest fears we have is losing our parents and the older they are when we are born, the earlier we are going to lose them. Many people die in their 50's , so if a woman has children in her 40's, she stands a chance of leaving those kids before they are grown. Marriages lasted when women were homemakers. Women's lib has torn appart the family.
2007-01-23 14:36:35 · answer #3 · answered by reallyfedup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to live on your terms, not his. If you don't want to get married right now, then don't. If you don't want to be a homemaker, then don't. Marrying at a young age is a bad idea — you haven't had enough opportunity to explore your options.
2007-01-23 14:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on what you want. If you don't feel ready for kids so soon, don't have any yet, because you'll be unhappy, and that wouldn't be the best situation for your children and your relationship with your husband.
I'm the same age as you and I hope I'll have kids by the time I'm 24, but especially if you have doubts, it probably isn't the best decision for you.
Good luck!
2007-01-23 14:34:18 · answer #5 · answered by learning_to_live_616 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i am 26 and i'm a homemaker, and i don't enjot it at all, i worked since i was 16 and had a baby when i was 20, went back 2 work and then got pregnant again and decided to be a stay ay home mom/ wife. hubby and kids don't let me enjoy iy.... i would keep a job incase anything happens you have somthing to fall babk on.
2007-01-23 14:32:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get use to it...European values are just as he stated...men do the work and women stay home with the kids. That is a woman's career. You have hooked up with a male chauvinist. Time for you to make a decision. But if you do all the giving...you'll never forgive yourself.... so you may want to move on.
2007-01-23 14:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it wouldn't be a problem for the first years of marriage but think about it... when you start fighting on your wedding he will probably use this line... why don't you work instead of being here all the time? believe me they forget they're the ones who put you on that situation...that is a sign he is a very possessive man... marry him if you want but have a career...if he ever gets too smart you can dump him and have your independence.
2007-01-23 14:33:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you look like you know what you want. just answer your own questions and see what the pros's and con's are for you. everyone is different when it comes to staying home with your children, some love it, some wish they worked, some go to work and wish they were home. it's what you want dear....but don't be pushed into something you already have red flags flapping in your face. you're thinking...and that's a great thing...just stick with what your heart and gut are telling you!!!
2007-01-23 14:37:51 · answer #9 · answered by dthsmx5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i didnt read your whole question but i think for the large majority of the population, you shouldn't get into a serious relationship before 25. if you do, many people end up cheating and getting divorced. i dunno where you live but the divorce rate in CA is 50% and jumps to about 67% for couples married before the age of 25. be young, sow your wild oats first. =D
2007-01-23 14:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by eriq p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋