How can I dump this guy who sort of scares me?

Question

For about a month, I dated this guy who was controlling and egotistical. I grew to dislike him more and more - but put off breaking up with him entirely because he had something charismatic / interesting about him. A few examples of his behavior include: rudely criticizing my cleanliness for having 1 dirty plate on my coffee table, not reciprocating anything in bed, pinning me down in bed and saying "see how much stronger I am than you" in a sort of f'd up way, saying disparriging thigns about the kind of work I do & my school (which is highly ranked, btw), and of course claiming (upon complaints) that "but you seem to want a guy like this or you wouldnt be with me..." - and he also called and emailed ALL the time.

Finally, w/ the State of the Union coming up, he gave me a way out because I disagree with his politcs & got in a big fight. Something about him seems unstable to me and i do not feel safe. He knows where i live and I think the whole "im stronger than you" stuff freaked

out, and then he goes "well then the ball is in your court - call me if you want" or something - but he just has this presense that gives me stomach cramps... i feel that there is something bad about him... i just dont feel safe.

Answer 1

Listen to your gut (or stomach cramps in this case..lol) and get rid of him. He's right, the ball is in your court. Be damn sure to hit that ball out of the the court and make sure a dog picks it up or something. I've been with a guy like this and I felt the same way. He put down everything about me and did the whole "I'm stronger" thing. As scary as you think he is, that's how much of a coward he is. He'll do this to a woman because he's a little punk and he thinks a woman can't hurt him. Wrong wrong wrong! You can hurt him and get him to leave you alone. Just stop calling him. If he shows up at your house, don't answer the door. You don't need to explain anything to him, he's giving you ample reason to dump him. You suffered through his crap long enough and you don't owe him one little thing. If he thinks you're that stupid, weak or dirty, he wouldn't try to get you back, would he? He'll be back and when he comes back, make sure you're not there. Don't give the loser an inch. When you finally do talk to him, elude to you seeing someone else. Who cares if it's true or not? You don't owe this dude the truth.

Don't be freaked out by this idiot. His bark is worse than his bite. He'll only pull this kind of behavior on people that allow it. Don't allow it any longer and don't waste your time anymore. I highly highly doubt he'll be psycho and try to hurt you in any way. His ego will be too bruised for him to think of anything harmful to do. He's just a harmless a**hole. If you do think he'll be trouble, be sure to call the police ASAP if it gets out of hand. I don't think he'll be trouble for you for anymore than a week or two. Good luck!

Answer 2

It is obvious that this guy is a bit of a creep. That said, take a few extra precautions to keep yourself safe like using the buddie system, make sure you lock your doors etc. If you can have a friend or two over for a girls night hang out have some popcorn and watch a movie. The friends will make you feal and be more safe. Lastly as creepy as this guy is your probably safe but don't let your guard down and dont be afraid to go to the police if it escalates. Your safety is the most important thing.

Answer 3

Now slow down a minute and read what I have to say---hopefully you will see what I am trying to put out to you. Your entire life and well being is up to YOU. The whole experience of growing up is supposed to be a learning and maturity builder. I am sure you understand that. The world is made up of millions of people--each and everyone an individual. How they live their lives and how well they co-exist is entirely up to them, also. A lot of people have problems and never get to straighten them out. And as they grow older, the issues can lead to really big time problems. You have been a part of just such a thing. People who act like what you describe have control and anger issues---probably from early childhood. They never resolved the issues and carried them on in later life. You happen to fill the bill when it comes to proving superiority and controlling factors-----this shows by his intemperance, immaturity, ridicule, and show of force. It is hard to believe when it first arises---maybe you hope it won't happen again---but it did and you are now terrified of him. You know it will only get worse. That's a fact. His constant state of disappointment with his own life, manifests as control and ridicule of your life. You heard of gut instinct??? Well it's that little voice from within that says what you are hearing--this guy is bad and you need to get away. That is a decision you need to make and then do it!!! Surely you can see how he can lure a woman with personality and charm--then wham----the trouble starts. You deserve better and you deserve happiness---start looking for it. Surely there are more men in your area. Be cautious and treat each man as an individual...let him prove his worth---most of all a man should respect you for who you are--no questions asked. Get away and be safe. I really wish the very best for you in the future. Write me if you need to.

Answer 4

No one likes to be controlled, and when you have an overly possessive significant other it's hard to get the nerve up to call the relationship off. For your own health and safety's sake, here are some steps that will make it a bit easier, and keep you safe.
Steps
1.Get Out- If you live with the person, then you need to find a time, a span of eight or so hours when he's at work or away, and pack your belongings and go to a safe place. For example, your parent's house, grandma's, your distant aunt's apartment or a women's shelter. You need to take yourself out of the location and get to a place where you know he won't be welcome.
2.Break Up- You can do this a number of ways. You can call him, and do the break up over the phone; you can meet in a public area, like a coffee shop and call it off; or you can pack your things and write a note saying you're gone. You don't owe him any explanation if you're in physical danger - just get out, call it off, and don't stick around.
3.Ask for Support- Let your family know that you fear for your safety because of your boyfriend, and request that they refrain from speaking to this person, or sharing information about your whereabouts with the ex. Get support from professionals such as the police, counselors, a doctor, a church person - anyone you feel is trustworthy and responsible. In some cases, you should go to the police first if you fear for your life.
4.Take Your Children- If children are involved, take them with you. They deserve a better life away from abuse. However, in this instance you must be especially careful to ensure their safety. If you think a family member's residence won't be safe enough, seek help with a women's shelter or through the police rather than jeopardize your children's safety. Very possessive boyfriends/partners can try and use the children as a means of getting back at you, to the potential detriment of the children. Don't let them become a pawn in a game of one-sided revenge.
Tips
•In a lot of possessive relationships, it may just start off with little things, but you always want to know the signs because, in many cases, a possessive relationship can become abusive.
oIf he has physically harmed you at any time, or is doing so, take pictures of the bruises if you want to pursue legal action against him.
•If your ex is persistent in coming over and trying to contact you once you've removed yourself from the situation, then file a restraining order against him.
•Carry protection, it might be wise to carry a can of pepper-spray or invest in a stun-rod or stun-gun. Be extremely careful using violence against violence, however, as it can so easily be turned against you and can also turn into an

Answer 5

well you can approach this in one of two ways. You can tell him someone close to you died who lives far away and you don't want a relationhip for a while. Or you can tell him plain and simple (over the phone, since he scares you you do not want to do it in person incase there is a reason to be scared). Or maybe you can tell him in person in a public place like a nice resturant with alot of people so he can't hurt you. If you really feel unsafe, whether or not he is a threat doesn't matter, you don't need to feel that way. It's a scarey feeling. And if you find out he's not so bad maybe you can explain to him the things that sort of make you tmid anfdd tell him you don't like to be controlled.

Answer 6

I agree with many of the other answers given ....

I'd go to the police and tell them the situation ... He may have a record and they may be able to offer some advice/protection.
Tell your friends that you intend to break up with this creep and ask if they will just be there for you ..

if it turns out that he hasn't got a record .. but he still freaks you out MAYBE try this .. tell him that you are breaking up with him because you KNOW you will never be good enough for the likes of him ( NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE TO BELIEVE IT ) , but by saying it though it may not make him as angry ( and therefore as threatening ) as what saying YOU FREAK ME OUT would.

tell him you wish him every happiness and hope that he finds a girl that is more complimentary to his character

Answer 7

Don't call. Don't even give him a second thought. If at any point you feel even the least bit threatened by him, go down to the police department and file for a restraining order.

Answer 8

Then tell him he scares u. Always be real about how u feel. Like when someone cooks u a meal and they ask u how does it taste...and really it taste nasty. Tell them it taste nasty. If you don't then they won't kno and they will continue to cook that nasty meal for you forever. So just tell him u creeps you out. He'll act surprise and start questioning. Then soon he will start to change. Just watch I kno!!

Answer 9

Stay away from this jerk. Guys like him grow up to be wife beaters!

Answer 10

always Always ALWAYS go with your gut instinct!!! It is there for a reason and is seldom wrong...stay away from this guy!!!!!