Controlling father, What to do?

Question

i am 18 and a freshman in college. at this age i feel that i should be trying to learn things on my own and ask for help when needed. but that doesn't happen in my household. My father tells me what classes to take and not to take in COLLEGE. He tells me when to go to bed and so forth i really can't take this anymore. I am a young adult living like a five year old. Please give tips on how to deal with this man. Just let you know i cant move until 2008 when i transfer to a 4yr university. is there any hope for me?

I am not allowed to work nor can i take over 12 units. because he feels it will be a struggle for me. So depressed living here i can't do anything.

Answer 1

MY FATHER IS THE SAME EXACT WAY!!!!!!!!! He tried 2 tell me what 2 do all the time. I don't want 2 move out because my I am going 2 attend college next year and I have lots of expenses. One night he tried 2 tell me 2 go 2 sleep once again at 11 o'clock. I finally stood up 2 him after living with him my whole live. U just have 2 tell your father u r not trying 2 disrespect him, but u r a grown woman. U need 2 make your own decisions. If u make mistakes u can learn from them and move on. U know he only wants the best 4 u, but he's 2 aggressive.

Answer 2

Tough it out and deal with it until you get the hell out of his house, because unfortunately, if he's putting a roof over your head and isn't outright abusing you physically, you're kinda stuck for the time being. Don't worry, though, it won't be forever.

There are two, maybe three ways to buy yourself some time out of his house, however: first is to work REALLY hard at school and spend all your time in the library, two is to get a job, and three is go to church, if your family is religious. Those will all buy you some breathing room.

Also, in your last quarter or semester, you can always say you're going to enroll in X class, then not do it. By the time your dad gets the grade report, you'll be long gone!

Once you're out of your dad's house, though, make sure you get a job and STAY out of his house - watch your spending and make sure you always have enough to live on.

Whatever you do, though, DON'T let this push you into doing something foolish to assert your independence, such as abusing substances, marrying the first guy who comes along no matter how unsuitable, or getting pregnant. All of the above will have lifelong consequences, and only make your dad MORE determined to control you.

Answer 3

Well...certain rules do apply when you're living under your father's roof, but him choosing your classes? That's a bit too far.

I think you need to have a heart-to-heart chat with him, you really do. Write a letter, if you feel more comfortable with doing that instead. Make sure you handle this in a mature manner and don't pull the, "I'm 18-years-old and I need my freedom to make my own mistakes!" That won't come across mature on your part at all. Reason with him like an adult.

If this makes you feel any better, my friend is 22 and his mother went to college with him and helped him apply for classes, and did all of his talking for him (he was embarrassed, don't 'ya know!).

Answer 4

Be glad your father obviously cares for you very much and takes a huge interest in your life. I remember when I was 18, wishing my parents would ask me how I was doing in college. They didn't care. My roommate used to literally cry over the same problem you have, and I was so jealous, thinking, "You don't know how lucky you are..." Your father loves you and wants you to succeed. And chances are his advice might be pretty good.

Answer 5

Looks like the only hope you have is to get a job and move out so you can establish your independence. As long as he is paying your bills and youre living at home he calls the shots.
If he wont listen to you thats your only option.

Answer 6

Talk to your father and be straight up. Make sure you are not Xing your self out of your financial blessing by talking to your father. Be glad because when you get married it's the same way too.

Answer 7

you may just have to sit it out - is your father physically abusive? If not try talking to him - adult to adult adn say you understand you are his little girl, but you need a little independence - If your dad is physically abusive if you do not do what he says - then sit it out quietly and keep out of his way until you can move out