I've been in a great relationship for the past year. He's a really great guy who treats me well. What's the issue you ask...well a couple of months into our relationship, he cheated on me while he was out of town on business. I found out about it a few months later (yes I snooped) and confronted him.
Long story short, we stayed together. Since then I can't seem to stop snooping and of course it's making me into this crazy psycho woman! When I read and see things that you don't know how to interpret, I automatically assume the worse. I tried talking with him about my feelings, but it didn't help. (no I didn't admit to snooping) So here I am...still with him...I know my behavior is probably pushing him away and I'm just tired of wondering and being obsessed so I'm one foot out the door too!
A part of me says that I should just trust him...if he cheats on me it'll come to the light so to give him a chance...and the other part says whatever and to bounce!
2007-01-23 10:53:42 · 16 answers · asked by virgogirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Right! to start with the fact that he cheated on you has destoyed the trust you had in him albeit probably limited anyway because it takes years to build up complete & utter trust based on experience that you would have had to have with this Guy.
Then it didn't help much because he obviously didn't come & admit what he was doing...you had to find out yourself....I'm assuming it was a quick fling rather than an on going affair that he had?
You say you've had a great relationship with him for this past year & he treats you well....well that's a good sign at least.
Honey...you're bound to see the negative side of things because it wasn't actually that long ago that this happened to you & it isn't going to happen over night that you suddenly learn to trust him again.
However! & this isn't going to be easy at all for you...if you continue to hold this against him then you'll not be able to move forward & yes! you'll continue to push him away...he'll become tired [& so will you] of trying to win back your trust & it could well rip you apart.
Having said that doe's he do all in his power to help you to trust him again? like is he on time when he says he will be....doe's he stick to his word in other things? Doe's he keep his promises to you & others? Is he a habitual liar in conversations with other people? Doe's he care about how you're feeling about this or is he saying you should just forget it & get over it? Is he being secretive about thigs? you need to take into account his all round behaviour.
All this little stuff is what helps us to gain confidence in another person & if he isn't helping you to feel better about him, then you can't do this on your own.
If all I've said answers positive with you about him...then Sweetheart...give both of you a break....because if you keep being afraid to test the water you will never go anywhere with this Guy accept seperate ways....yes, it's a risk but if you don't try to sort this out you'll break up & just carry this crap onto your next relationship.
Snooping is a waste of time, all the time your mind is focusing on the negative that's all your mind will find, not because it's there to find but because you'll actually cause a repeat of this by the way you're acting....listen Babe, if he does it again...it will come to light then obviously you'll know then what to do. give up focusing on whether he'll do you harm [emotionally] & focus on building you two up again, get sexy & teasy with him, enjoy your time together, learn to laugh & be happy with him again watch you both grow stronger out of it....Don't worry about what may happen just because it's happened once...you've really got to let this go for your own sanity. stop keep playing the same record over & over in your head & don't snoop Honey because that's not helping you either as you're actually acting in a non trusting way yourself....part of this is learning to trust YOU as well you know.
Good luck Sweetie....this can work you know.
x ♥
2007-01-23 11:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were only 2 months into the relationship when he stepped out on you with another woman, I'm sure he wasn't as committed to you then as he is now. You should stop snooping and try trusting. A couple of months into a relationship isn't long enough, in my opinion, to expect that strong of a commitment, unless you two had already verbally committed to not dating anyone else. I think you are sabotaging your relationship with your fear. Relax. Enjoy the time you have together. I'm sure he feels your stress, fear and anxiety and it makes you not a fun person to be with!
2007-01-23 11:02:43 · answer #2 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess to me it would depend on how well you are holding out right now. If you could hold out, I would advise giving him one more chance, and after that if he messes it up, then that shows there is no hope for him. However, if you really can't find proof or see him with another woman, then maybe you should just let go of your doubts as best you can, and enjoy the relationship. If you can't enjoy, though, then perhaps you'd better leave. Or at least take a break.
2007-01-23 10:59:32 · answer #3 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your question depends on what you truly are looking for in a relationship. If you are seeking long term/possible marriage one day, then it's VERY important that you can trust the person you're with. A relationship without trust and honesty can never truly last........love may exist at first but it will soon whither leaving only pain.
Your heart will always seek love and affection, but don't let it betray you....always trust your instincts as well.
In your heart, it sounds like you forgave him, or at least are really trying to, and I think that's wonderful; but I'm pretty sure you don't want to spend the rest of your life with a person you can't trust.....I sure wouldn't.
If one day you can find that trust with him again, then yes, pursue your heart; but until you can, you should really move on before it truly does turn you into a psycho :)
2007-01-23 11:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by sword of light 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are having trouble getting over the fact that he cheated on you and moving past that then you should leave. Trusting someone is a huge part in a relationship if you can't gain that trust back then you have to say goodbye.
2007-01-23 11:02:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
from my experience this is a really hard situation.. I have been with someone who cheated and lied about it for years..even though I believe it was the only time he did I went through hell over it and put him through hell to.. when i think about it i would have saved myself the trouble and just left.. the relationship ended shortly after because I didn't believe anything he said..I would have suffered less by moving on..it is either you forgive and move on or end it completely
2007-01-23 11:01:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without trust, the relationship is doomed. I think you know that, but you just can't seem to accept it and move on. The issue of his having cheated on you will always lurk in the back of your mind. And, of course, the only way to escape that scenario is to find someone new and start over.
2007-01-23 11:03:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
relies upon. at the same time as my head is at conflict with my heart, I do take previous regularly happening time to pick with a view to target to ward off a mistake. It doesn't must be an rather lengthy time period - even in the destiny to imagine can help me see more suitable obviously. typically my heart wins, yet no longer continually.
2016-10-16 00:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by ruddie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your brains the best to follow. If he cheats once there's no telling that it won't happen again. Save yourself some trouble and go with whatever and to bounce. If your the one for him this should not have happen and he'll be yours and only.
2007-01-23 11:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by anna 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say if your heart says yes then you should stay with him love is great and lonliness sucks so i'd say try to stop snooping cuz u dont want to push him away
2007-01-23 10:59:14 · answer #10 · answered by Kinz 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋