I am a 17 year old girl. I am going to attend Oxford University in England next year. I am not abusing any drugs of any sorts. I am valdictorian of my class. I don't steal. I have a job. However, despite all of this, my mother wants to kick me out of the house. I understand that I can be rude to her, butshe has been rude to me my whole life. My parents are getting divorced and my dad has moved out to Arizona. My mother doesn't want me to live with her because I come home and I go into my room and shut my door and ignore her. All teenagers do this though! I don't understand! Is there some hidden reason psychologically as to why she wants me out of the house!?
2007-01-23 10:11:01 · 10 answers · asked by mervelash 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mother is probably under a lot of stress, she will be loosing her husband and her daughter. Maby you can set aside a certain night(like Friday)and spend some time with her, play board games and talk about things that you need help with. Let her know that you still love her and that she is still important to you. It could help establish a bond between you two and it would help her feel like she can still be helpful.
Hope I helped somehow
2007-01-23 10:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by offlights 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" I come home and I go into my room and shut my door and ignore her. All teenagers do this though!'
Doesn't mean they should.
Family is important. Your complete inattention to her has probably caused her to believe family isn't important to you which means she isn't important to you. It also may make her think that you're taking your dads side in the divorce. Add to that you going to England next year (congrats by the way) and she has no idea how to behave or what to think. You're the oldest I bet. Which means your the first to leave the house. Which means she feels like she's losing you. Which is why she treats you differently. I also bet your mom isn't the best communicator so she's doing it all wrong. Take all that then factor in the divorce. She needs a little support here even if she doesn't ask for it.
Her entire world is changing and you spend all your time in your room. Think about that. You really think that doesn't come off as selfish?
Find some family time. Have dinner together. Watch a show together. Do something together.
2007-01-24 16:17:46 · answer #2 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, Congratulations on being a responsible late teen, not abusing any substances, working hard on your studies and being the class valedictorian ... that is quite an accomplishment in this day and age (when there are so many who do not even try in High School and just 'skate by' .. doing as little as possible).
Now ... I am keying on on the phrase you put in this posting: "I understand that I can be RUDE to her" ....
That is the key here ... and also "My parents are getting divorced" and "my Dad moved out to Arizona".
These TWO issues are the real crux of the problem.
I can tell you from personal experience when a marriage splits up (and I am the survivor of a short disaster of a marriage), that my own ex EMPTIED my bank accounts, ran up charges on charge cards (in my name no less!), stole from me, and made a LOT of things miserable (including stealing my personal auto ... punching through the car windows of another personal auto, and abusing the children) ... and it was VERY UGLY ... and I NEVER let on that this was happening to MY CHILDREN (who were pre-school at the time) ... they (and everyone else) could see I was VERY STRESSED and people knew that things were AWFUL .. just that they did NOT know HOW AWFUL it was ... and that did not include the UGLY Personal Attacks by his Attorney, himself, the smear of MY Honor (which is emotional, verbal, mental abuse), and yes, he did assault me too.
I'm not saying ALL this is happening ... but if YOUR mother seems unusually STRESSED at this time ... some (or all) of this MAY ALSO BE HAPPENING ... and then if your father is ALREADY sleeping with another (or two or three), those Females MIGHT ALSO Be stressing her too (more verbal, emotional, or mental abuse).
Then ... in your late teen (hormonal raging, nasty 'attitude' of selfishness and yes, IGNORING your mother IS disrespectful .. and what about chores or any thing else ... are you OFFERING or helping around the home or just TAKING?) you ADMIT that you are RUDE...
Which is EVEN MORE Verbal, Mental, and Emotional Abuse HEAPED on your POOR MOTHER at this time.
This is something that you are NOT thinking of .. and I am ASKING that you PLEASE stop and THINK ... and TRY to understand this from your MOTHER's Perspective .. and TRY, PLEASE TRY to be CIVIL to her and HELP her without HER having to ASK you for help! And yes, PLEASE try to TALK to her, and tell her that you LOVE and care for her too ... for she definitely needs it.
That your father is now gone (and you are not with him), tells me a LOT about your father's motivation in this whole process. IF he was "so concerned" about YOUR welfare, he'd be involved and there with you. OBVIOUSLY there is something behind this that HE has not admitted to at this time (and for which your mother is having to ENDURE the brunt of the abuse -- which can include the humiliation of your father having an affair too).
2007-01-23 18:50:33 · answer #3 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mervelash, I don't know what's going on, but it sounds to me at least possible that your mother may have a mental illness of some sort. If you can talk to your father about this, you might want to ask him if he believes that she is behaving rationally, and if not, what you can do about it.
I went through much the same sort of thing with my father, who is bipolar and also has some personality disorder issues. Personality disorders are classified as mental illnesses and the people who have them basically have behavior patterns that are both pathological (detrimental to getting along with people) and so fixed that it is nearly impossible for them to change.
You might want to do some reading on personality disorders:
http://mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=8
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
If your mother has a mental illness, the important thing for you to realize is that it is not your job to "fix" her. Your job is to survive and to understand that her behavior is not something that you deserved, caused, provoked, or can change. It does not mean you are a bad person and it is not your fault.
I am sure that it is hurtful for you to find yourself treated this way when you know that there are hundreds of families who would give anything they owned to have a child like you. Rejection hurts, all the more when you have done nothing to deserve rejection.
From my experience, I advise you to "make a new family" of your friends and relatives who don't reject you, and try to use this support system to help you deal with feelings you must have about your mother. Also, use counselors or therapists available to you through school or other sources to try to understand and deal with what is going on.
Good luck to you and hang in there. Keep your head up and keep working to succeed, no matter what your mother does. There is a pay-off in the end, although it may be that your mother's rejection will never change. Above all else, if you can determine that your mother is mentally ill, understand that her actions are not your fault and do not mean you are a bad person. Find the people who love you and care about you and stick close to them.
Take care.
2007-01-23 18:32:42 · answer #4 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that she should be kicking you out without a reason, I agree with you, teenagers go through a phase where there's a lot of rebellion and withdrawal but that shouldn't give your mom grounds to put you on the streets.
2007-01-23 19:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
congrats. on being a good student and college. but maybe u remind ur mom of ur dad. or maybe she feels as if u dont want to be around her or talk to her. Some partens feel like there teenagers dont want to have anything to do with them.
2007-01-23 18:22:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way you will find out for sure, why she wants you out of the house, is to sit down and talk to her about it.
2007-01-23 19:11:07 · answer #7 · answered by Chihuahua Lover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that she is jealous. She prob-bally sees in you what she wanted in life but did not try as hard as you have to get it.
2007-01-23 18:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by EL UNICO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I'm rude to her, but she's rude to me too! All teenagers ignore their parents!" Does that make it ok?
I can kind of see, based on your question, why perhaps she would want you out.
2007-01-23 18:21:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
geeze!ouch!
2007-01-23 18:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋