I have a dark past. Something that is on my mind all the time now that I have a daughter. I was molested as a child by family memebers and I feel now that I can't trust anyone. I am happily married and I have a 10 year old daughter. We at times have family member who come visit us and they stay at our home. They are great people, but when it's a man staying at my house (an uncle or grandfather) I panic. I don't sleep at night waiting to see if I hear anyone going into my daughters room. I keep getting up to check on her. Her uncle's and grandfather are good people and they have never given me a reason to feel this way about them. they never made me feel like they are going to do something to her, but with my childhood I am very suspicious. I don't tell her anything only becasue I don't want her to get paranoid and not trust men. I have spoken to her about people not touching her in certain places, but I know what it feels like to be violated and I don't want it to happen to her.
2007-01-23 10:00:22 · 16 answers · asked by SF 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all, you are being a RESPONSIBLE PARENT .. and the worry comes from a very personal VIOLATION of your own body at an age where you really had no protection from this predatory individual.
YOU have done the RESPONSIBLE Thing to talk to your daughter from a young age and instill in her the Self-Esteem and ability to Say "NO!" to any male or other person touching her on her private parts.
At this point, you also need to see a therapist, and work through your own horror ... and yes, it can help. YOU are a SURVIVOR .. that is not the question here. But for the sake of yourself, your daughter, and your family ... please go to Group Sessions or Individual Sessions to deal with the emotions of this event.
2007-01-23 10:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
properly 20 is individual and also you're autonomous so that you'll be able to pick in spite of you pick to do. the element is that the mothers and fathers are those giving you the money alongside with the training and each little thing else... you should exercising consultation some variety of an contract such as her. If she isn't taking the bargains, then im sorry, yet you'd be compelled to artwork for the training. the problem is why she is making you flow again. Are you obviously irresponsible once you're remote from homestead. if so, then you definately might want to practice that you're responsible and that you get your grades. artwork your contract on that. And on your sister... dont hassle or be envious because your mom no longer worrying about her whereabouts basically signifies that no one truly cares for her because she is hopeless in any case =P
2016-10-17 03:00:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, calm down. Any mother who works to protect her child isn't being overprotective, and that's not what you're being right now. Nor do you have a "dark past"; that phrase describes someone who causes bad things to happen, not the one who was victimized.
Next, it's pretty obvious you've never really faced your being violated; that's what is causing your panic. Once you've worked with a therapist or counselor and faced your horrendous experience, you'll be better able to deal with your fears for your daughter; the latter could be an important part of your therapy.
The sooner you deal with the past, the sooner you'll be able to deal rationally and effective with the present.
You can do this; I know you can.
2007-01-23 10:11:22 · answer #3 · answered by MomBear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not just get over it. You are doing the right thing by protecting your daughter. I was molested as a young child and if I ever have a daughter I will be very protective of her. You are being a good mom.
2007-01-23 10:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by Nico 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definately know where you are coming from because my Mom told me that her Grandfather molested her when she was 7. She calls him Satan and never really talked about it until she was an adult. I think she should have went to some kind of counseling, and so should you. P.S. Dont bring your daughter with you if you go.
2007-01-23 10:18:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont get over it. Its good that yourre concerned aobut your daughter. if you feel very tramatuized about your horrible experience, you could consider seeing a therapist or someone you trust- just to share your feelings with them. But dont stop making sure that shes safe. its a good thing to be cautious, especially the way the world is tosay. you sound like a great mother.
2007-01-23 10:21:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You owe her that sense of secureness. In the world we live in our children are easily accessible for being victimized. Its the least we can do to ensure we look out for them to the best of our ability. I dont feel there is anything wroing with your actions,thinking. Dont let this way on your heart, you are doing to her what you wished someone could of done for you , protect you. Theres nothing wrong with that.It would kill you if something happened to her. Educate her constantly, assure her she can always talk to you. Let others in the family know your presence. I think your being a wonderful mother...
2007-01-23 10:09:59 · answer #7 · answered by Family S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said that you've already talked to her about people touching her, but have you told her that no matter what happens she can talk to you about it? I was never "touched" but by the time I was 10 I had every confindence that if I was I could tell my parents. You and your husband should have a talk with her and let her know that she can talk to you about anything and no matter what happens you will always love her.
2007-01-23 10:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by offlights 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, you have every reason to feel the way you feel.
im so sorry that happened to you.
watch out for your daughter, teach her how to make good decisions. but you are right, you dont want to have her not trusting men. obviously, you found a good man. so they arent all going to do this. meaning, they wont all be out to hurt your daughter.
if you trust these men, then relax. remember that the things we fear the most, are the things that have already happened to us. its normal for you to still feel this way, but dont keep your daughter from experiencing life because of it. by that i mean dont keep her from doing things normal kids/teens will do.
2007-01-23 12:00:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not over protective. i have been molested by my dad and i don't even think i can trust my husband with my kids .i don't trust anybody. my friend ask me to change her daughter diaper and i Refuse. i am scare someone is going to think i am molesting a child. just to tell you how bad my ******** dad tore up my life. protect you child as much as you can.
2007-01-23 10:12:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋