Is spanking appropiate?

Question

I have an 8 yr old girl a 5 yr old girl and 1 on the way I am divorced and recently engaged to my fiance he has a child a 4 yr old boy that we see on weekends ....I admit my children are not angels and they seem to have a smartmouth on them. But I cant see spanking my children as he thinks I should Mind you he does not spank his child for anything his excuse is he only sees him on weekends ...but why does that make a diffrence? If he feels so strongly about disiplining my children with a spanking why doesn't he feel the same way about his own? When I refuse to hit my children for the things that they do he calls me a bad mom and says they will run over me when they are older but with him always bashing me for it I dont even want to get onto them at all when its needed please help with my situation I am lost with what to do

Answer 1

You should discipline your child the way YOU see fit.
You should really step back and look at the person you are intending to marry… think about your children first! They don’t need someone who is going to treat them different than he does his on children… the kids probably already have picked up on that…
He needs to accept your children the same as his own if he want's to be in you life ~ right???

Answer 2

Real problems ahead if you don't fix this. You two should be on the same sheet of music when it comes to the kids, or they will play you like a harmonica, and they will be confused. I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking spanking is the answer to all childish behavior, but really spanking can be a relatively small issue. Most parents with bratty kids and then troubled kids make the simple mistake of not being FIRM with their kids. They will do what you say if you mean it. It's about attitude. THEN, once you are at that point and they go wrong, then is the time to use physical discipline. But in the absense of a firm parenting style, they WILL go nuts on you and spanking won't even do any good. Get firm, and get the smart mouths fixed now or you're going to have real problems.

Answer 3

i think you should discipline YOUR children the way you see fit however, sometimes a light spanking is appropriate but in most instances not really necessary as for him not spanking his child i can understand why he might not want to spank, doing so could jeopardize his visitation or it may cause a lot of trouble between the mom and him that he is not willing to deal with (i wouldn't) but most important of all you and your fiancee definitely need to get on the same page and back each other up! after-all what message will the child be getting if you two are acting badly deciding how the child should be punished for acting badly???

Answer 4

First, non-spanking certainly does not make you a bad Mom. A whole lot of very good Moms do not believe in spanking.

I happen to disagree and am a big believer in spanking. Rather than repeat my reasons I will just cite an answer on the subject I gave a while back: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070119170409AAvF9L5

So, not for his sake, at least think about reconsidering. A lot of us younger parents are spanking more.

But, that said--he should just butt out--especially since he is hypocritical about it. My concern is that this type of attitude might carry over to other parts of your life together.

Answer 5

I have a couple of opinions on this -
1.) If you believe in spanking then you should never, EVER do it when you're angry. If you're spanking you're doing it to teach them right from wrong and you can't do that by spanking them when you're angry. If you spank you should take classes (they do have them) to learn the difference between abuse and discipline.
2.) I'm remarried and my husband (who is not the biological father) will ~NEVER~ spank my children, ever, and I will never spank his children. That is not the place of a step parent in my opinion.
You need to hash things out before you get married because fixing it after your married won't work. You either need to agree or it probably won't work. No one that truly loves you should EVER call you a bad parent - and shame on him for making you feel bad about such a touchy subject.
Hope this helped - but remember...NEVER substitute someone else's opinion for your own. You know what's best for your kids more than anyone.

Answer 6

First of all....they are your kids not his....you have the choice and he should respect you wishes.....but make sure if you are not going to spank...you have to have some form of disipline...timeouts, taking toys away, grounding.....whatever.....

and to answer you question, spanking does work, and is appropiate in certain cituations. There is a differance between spanking a child and beating a child. He is right...if you don't have at least some form of discipline that you don't give in on...they will become mosters and walk all over you....you have to have punishment and stick with it, not matter what type of punishment you use.

Answer 7

They are your children not his and if you don't feel comfortable spanking them then you don't have to there are many other ways to discipline children. He is in no place to judge you if he dosen't even spank his child. You need to confront him about this and let him know that you are not a bad mom because you don't spank your kids.

Answer 8

Spanking is appropriate in certain circumstances. Just don't spank in front of the other kids -- ever!! That is just degrading. Take them to their room - alone, one swat on the tush and then they can stay in there for awhile. I can understand why your fiance won't spank his son (visitation), but he must learn to discipline or he will have an absolute brat on his hands before he knows it. Doubt if his ex wants a brat either. Either way -- you are responsible for your own kids -- He should NEVER spank your girls - NEVER, EVER!

Answer 9

The government should not be telling parents how to raise their kids period. There is a big difference between a F'd-up pevert abusing a child and a parent innocently swatting a child in his terrible two's to get his attention. The liberals WILL use this to propagate this perpetual need they have to destroy the bases of what this country is based on....the family

Answer 10

1. You can't have two sets of rules in your home

2. If you disagree so strongly about discipline, it WILL have a negative effect on your marriage.

3. If he's calling you names now, what will he be doing in 2 years?

Run! Run away as fast as you can! You and your children deserve better.