This sounds weird I know, but some ideas/thoughts please!?

Question

so me and my husband got married in court, and we are saving up for a big wedding under God and with all our family and friends we want to save at least 25,000.
My sister had an idea that we ask our guests for money instead of wedding gifts to help with the costs.

I think thats REALLY tacky/cheap/rude! and I wouldnt even know how to go about asking that without sounding rude!
should we do it, if so how? any ideas?

Answer 1

I've seen it done this way:

You have a tree at your reception that is the "money tree." It's by the gift table. It's basically a leaf-less tree in a potted plant container, you can make it cute. You "stock" it before the reception with a few rolled up dollar bills, 5's, whatever. Cute colorful clothespins and pretty ribbons are tied/clipped all over the tree. As people come, there will be some who were just planning to give money anyway, and they will get in the spirit of things and tie some on the tree branches. There will be those who want to give a wrapped gift, you can't stop them, can't ask them not to, so those gifts are placed under and around the tree.

In this way, you don't offend anyone by asking outright for money, but it gives some people the idea to give you some, and it can be cute and tasteful.

Answer 2

NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. NEVER.
If you want to know what the guests feel about this, go to www.etiquettehell.com and go to the weddings section. (By the way, it seems like you already are aware of how tacky the idea is.)
Please, don't do it, under any circumstances. It will just cause people to be hostile toward you. Sorry, but there really is no way to go about it without sounding rude.
By the way, don't put one of those "We're registered at..." cards in your invitation either. Those are seen the same as the asking for money idea.
Hope I helped! Best of luck with your wedding and the money situation!

Answer 3

Good for you! Yes, that is really tacky and no, you should not do it. It's great that you want to save for a big party to celebrate your wedding, but you can't tell your guests to just bring money. The most you can really do is to register somewhere and ask for specific gifts. If people want to give you money instead, that's great but it's up to them and I don't think it will be as much as $25,000! Best wishes to you and congratulations!

Answer 4

Yes, you have mind OCD and need some counsel ling. But I'm a counselor and I have mild OCD! It depends really how much it upsets you or interferes with the way you live your life. If you are constantly, obsessing about stuff - it can be time consuming. But some obsessions can be good. Some people have become rich, famous or both - because of some obsession maybe with music or science. Try to focus on something if you're obsessive, that'll make life better for you. You're young - so you'll probably be less obsessive as you grow older. Good luck. people do care - so maybe talk to someone at school perhaps?

Answer 5

This is one of those ideas that sounds good on paper and is perfectly logical, but has essentially been deemed a bad idea by pretty much everybody, especially the only people who truly matter...the potentially offended friends and family who make up most wedding guest lists.

I'm not married yet, and I dread the costs as much as anyone, but I see this pop up a lot in the advice columns and the answer is always the same....DON'T! [This is usually followed up with corresponding letters that come from appalled relatives and friends writing to ask if they are/were unreasonable to be appalled in the first place.]

What it comes down to is that people who care about you like the tradition and personal touch that goes into being able to pick out a gift for you...a gift that either has meaning for you or them, is on a registry, and can be calibrated to how much money they have--or don't have--to spend. If your registry says you need a vaccuum cleaner and a baking sheet set, your rich aunt Sally can buy the Hoover and your poor college student cousin Jimmy can buy the baking sheets, but they both know they've gotten you something you needed.

When everyone's giving cash, suddenly all gifts (and gift givers) can be compared against each other, and even if you and your husband wouldn't be crass enough to do that comparing, your guests might feel that they will be compared and feel undue pressure. And since there's no real standard for how much "cash" you give as a wedding present, the field is wide open. Will brothers and sisters, ex-husbands and wives, step-parents, co-workers, etc. all be judged against each other and risk looking cheap or worse if they don't pony up against what they *think* others are giving? It creates unecessary tension that takes the joy and fun (and personal touch) out of picking out and wrapping a traditional wedding gift.

I have seen other things, though, where at the reception a decorated "treasure chest" (can be classy or tacky depending on your taste) is set up to "start 'em off right" and guests can contribute at their liesure...and I even know one branch of the family where their church has the tradition of people paying a dollar (or more) to dance with the bride and groom in a fun part of the ceremony to give them a little "seed money," as well as the aforementioned "money trees" ... I don't really know what I think about these ideas, but I share them with you only to let you know that there are other ideas out there that might not raise as much money, but are recognized by tradition and maybe won't come across as too tacky.

Here are some other thoughts from sources who probably know more than I do:

* "[It] is never appropriate according to wedding etiquette to ask for a wedding gift....certainly money makes a nice wedding gift, but it is one that cannot be [asked] for under most circumstances." (http://www.wisegeek.com/is-it-appropriate-to-ask-for-money-for-a-wedding-gift.htm)

* "Although some couples have come up with creative ways to ask for gifts, money, or charitable donations on their wedding invitations, the truth of the matter is that doing so is rude....wedding gift requests should never [be actually made]; to do so implies that a guest is required to give you a present." (http://weddings.about.com/od/weddingregistry/a/moneyinstead.htm)

* "Is it appropriate to *give* money? Absolutely. What’s not appropriate is *asking* for [money]...it is never acceptable for the happy couple to request money over other types of gifts." (http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Gift_Etiquette#Money)

* "...asking for money is still generally frowned upon..." (http://www.weddingideasmagazine.co.uk/article_wedding_lists_perfect.htm)

I totally sympathize with your situation and wish you the best of luck with both your wedding and managing the costs -- and, of course, a LONG and HAPPY marriage!

Answer 6

I don't think asking for monetary gifts instead of the "toaster" is rude at all. Since you and your spouse are already married but want to have a ceremony under your religion, it will be a little bit tricky.

When you are sending out invitations, you can include a summary saying that you would like to bring your relationship to God and have it blessed and recognized (for example "blessed and recognized by the Catholic church). You can also include a little summary saying "While the bride and groom appreciate and are grateful for all gifts, a monetary gift would be preferred."

I hope this helps and Congratulations on your marriage!

Answer 7

I personally wouldnt ask for money as a wedding gift. To force it apon someone to give you money as a wedding gift is like charging them to be at you're wedding. If its the only visable option for paying for the wedding then it may be nedded to be considered but to me its all about personal character, and as you have said you're self your opnion on this is tacky/cheap/rude.

Maybe if you we're to explain to immediate family and close family friends the situation and to say that instead of them buying you a present they could give you money to go towards the cost of the wedding im sure they would understand but to automatically assign to each guest the fact that they have to give you money as a wedding gift is a bit distasteful.

Answer 8

I think that is really tacky as well. Why don't you guys try going for a smaller wedding that will be less expensive? There are always ways to cut corners. I usually give cash to a newlywed couple becuase I figure that is what they need more than anything else, but most don't think like me.
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Actually where I come from it's called a green back wedding, and all of my friends have done it. It's not rude, if you need money for other expenses and have all of your things for a home ect., why would you need more toasters, appliances. Just say on the invitation that you are invited to share da da da, and say that it will be green back. That doesn't mean you won't end up with a few presents, but it limits the stuff you get that you may already have. Plus it works great if you need money for the honey moon. Do what ever makes you happy
Red

Answer 10

Yes that is really tacky, cheap and rude. Don't go there. Guests are not even obligated to give a gift other than best wishes.