Stay at Home mom vs Working Moms - I'm wondering the mindset behind each decision?

Question

I know that money is usually an option, but aside from that I'm wondering what the mindset behind each decision when a mother decides to stay at home and when a mother decides to go back to work. I realize this is a touchy subject, I'm not looking for bashing or insulting, just an understanding of both sides. What are your feelings on the matter?

Answer 1

I am a SAHM and I just kind fell into this position. I was pregnant with my second child and I had to take maternity leave. After my baby was born it was a mutual decision that I would stay home. Mostly it was the money but I realized it is better in the long run. I am able to volunteer at the schools and my children seem to have an upper advantage at school because of it.

Answer 2

Obviously for most, the financial situation plays the largest role in this decision. But for all of us who are moms and can maybe stay home - the question becomes balance and what feels right to the individual person and family.

Having been on both sides of the situation - I can say each have their own benefits. Staying home has given me more time with my child. Working full time gave me a sense of self identity outside of the family unit. So both have been great decisions at different points in my life! Honestly, I think it has to do with what works best emotionally & financially for the family. You would think that the decsion to stay home would have been an easy one- but it wasn't! After spending so much time building a career and accomplihing business type tasks - it was hard to shift focus - even though my priorities had changed after the birth of our second daughter.

I think more than anything - the decsion has to feel right ! There is no right or wrong answer here - one is NOT better than the other. You can bea great parent either way!

AFTER READING OTHER ANSWERS I HAD TO ADD - working moms can know their children - every bump , bruise, etc.. just as much as a stay at home mom. What makes you think that just becausea mom works she is not emotionally atached to her children or have a sense of what they are doing. She didn't give up her mothering just because she works! We women can multitask very well you know!

From what I am reading working moms seem to be much more supportive of stay at home moms than vice versa - Honetly, there is a third option which I am doing now - Working part time - It gives the best of both worlds and sets an example for my duaghters that they too can have both and balance both successful if they want to - I would seriously hope that we could put aside the old stereo types that are out there and support ALL mothers - the job is tough whether you work at home full time or in a career full time - and you can have a healthy happy child either way!!!!!

Answer 3

I stay home for 2 reasons: One- I do not trust strangers to look after my children, quite frankly no one should in this day and age. Two- If I did get a job the money would probablely not even cover all of the day care fees. Where I live day care runs about 2,000 dollars a month (and I think that is on the cheaper side). I currently have 3 children (and one on the way). Thats around 6,000 dollars a month now and 8,000 when the new one gets here. Now why on earth am I going to get a job just so I can pay for my children to be in a place I don't want them to go in the first place? Those are my reasons anyway, hope they help.

Answer 4

I think that at least one parent should be home with their children unless they are in high school.But small children dont need to be taken to the babysitter every single day and then when the mom gets home she is so exausted she doesn't spend quality time with the kid,or vice versa the dad.I realize some parents have to work both parents but i feel that is because they are so far in debt with needless bills such as credit cards and car loans and personal loans people create these situations.Or they want to live a certain lifestyle and if both parents don't work they can't live that lifestyle but they don't get that their kids won't grow up and think man i had alot of stuff and money,they will say i wish my parents had spent more time with me.I understand single parents have to work to make ends meet but if people would stop trying to live a lifestyle they can't afford maybe one parent could stay home and be there for the child when they go to school and come home from school.thats just my opinion everyone has there reasons for working i am just saying thats why some parents work not all.

Answer 5

I have several reasons for staying home. 1) My previous job was a receptionist/retail assistant and didn't make enough money per month to pay for child care. 2) I want to raise my own children and am willing to endure whatever hardship we face as a family in order to be a major influence in their lives. I believe the saying, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". 3) Both of my grandmothers and my mother are very hard working women and I completely respect that. My mom, however, was always so stressed out from work when that when she got home she was in a consistently angry mood. She would work all day, then come home and have to make dinner, and yell about how the house was so messy. It was not a plesant experience and I don't want to share that with my kids. It just seemed like other kids with stay at home moms were happier.

Answer 6

I feel like it was the right decision for me to stay home. I feel that no one can raise my child the way I want but me. I was a daycare kid, with divorced parents and I hated it. I feel that I am better able to take care of not only my child but my husband too. He has to work very hard to support us, because we live in an expensive city, but at least when he has time off, we are not trying to coordinate schedules, I am there & ready to go do whatever... (Recreational activities)!

He was not a huge supporter in the beginning. He was very worried about our finances. It was tough in the beginning but we have adjusted and learn to live within the budget of 1 income. Now he & I both agree that we wouldn't trade all the money in the world for less time with our son & each other. (I know you said "aside from the money" but for stay @ homers the money can be a big issue!)

I also feel like working mothers (I know this is not true of "all" working mothers) depend on others to teach their children, things like discipline & sex ed & some other tough areas of childrearing. And that those schools/daycares still expect that the parents have a role in educating their own child, and there ends up being a miscommunication. That is also why I choose to home school. (Another word most associate with poorly) Any way I feel that my husband & I are the ones solely responsible for our child, and that to be as responsible as we can we need to wear many hats as parents. But really it is whatever WORKs for you, the key word being WORKS not easiest!

Answer 7

Well, I was both, so I can answer for both! I was 20 when I had my daughter and about my 6th week of my pregnancy I fell at work and injured myself. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was in pain and on workman's comp. I delivered my child and decided to stay at home with her to raise her. I was receiving my disability and workman's comp, including child support. I was able to stay at home and take care of my girl. I was home with her until she was 2.5 years old. After my case settled and I was awarded my judgement, I decided to find her a good preschool and then start looking for work. It was good because I was still not working, so I was able to be around for her while she was adjusting to school. After a few months I found a job and have been working ever since. Mine was due to money because of the fact that I'm a single parent. But I also felt like I needed adult interaction. None of my friends had or still have kids, so I needed more time with adults. My daughter is very smart and will be starting Kindergarten this year. I couldn't be prouder of her!

Answer 8

I stay at home with my son because I can. If I had to work I would. My husband makes enough money so I can stay home. I think it's important that I am there for him when he gets home from school or needs help with homework or whatever else.

I think that parents that work have it very hard. That's just my thoughts though, I could be wrong. I know mothers want/need to work because either finacial or the need to be around others and out of the house.

Either way as long as it's working for the family in general either choice is the best choice. Each person has to make the best choice for their family.

Answer 9

Did you watch Oprah today?They had a show today about the same topic. I am a stay at home mom, I love spending time with my children and I feel I am extremely close to them. I think that if a women is in financially distress and has to work then you got to do what you got to do but if they are financially ok then i think it is better for a women to stay home with there kids. I had rather know more about my kids than a nanny. I know every scar, every bump or bruise and every milestone that my kid has accomplished. I am so glad that I got to witness this myself than to hear it from another women. I know some mothers have no choice but to work and more power to them but i am not going to have kids and then expect someone else to raise them. When my kids are in school then I may try to get a job and work will they are in school but i plan on being home when they get hime everyday.

Answer 10

Mothers (particulary those who are quite confident in their ability to give their child a very high-quality nurturing developmentally) feel quite certain that their child will not get a better nurturing experience from anyone else, and they feel strongly that one-on-one nurturing is best (when the mother is not one who lacks understanding of child development or nurturing skills).

At-home mothers often stay home with the idea of pursuing career opportunities once the youngest child is in first grade. They may be willing to take a certain amount of career set-back in exchange for the years they get to spend with their child, developing that child's emotional and intellectual wellbeing.

Mothers who work sometimes don't have a choice or sometimes would have to choose to offer their child less in terms of lifestyle, and those mothers are often quite certain that their child will benefit from the lifestyle their child will be afforded by their working. Mothers who work would often lose ground in a career, and they may feel that their child can get good care during those first, few, pre-school years. They may feel their child will benefit by having a role-model mother, and they may know they spend high-quality with their child when they are with them. Once children go to school the after-school hours without having a mother at home may not seem to add up to enough hours to make much difference for the child, since many children have after-school acitivities or time out playing with friends during those hours anyway.

Some mothers feel it is possible to pursue a career and have children, and that, while there are times when some compromising of something must be done, for the most part it makes for a more fulfilled life.

My feelings on the matter are that (provided a child has a very capable mother who has a really solid understanding of child development and nurturing) each child benefits by being with his own, good, mother for the three or four years. Until a child gets to be past three it is pretty much natural for that child to see his parents and home as his whole world. The nurturing a child gets between birth and three or so actually affects brain development, and I don't think children are designed to reach maximum brain develop in a group setting. (www.zerotothree-org) Once they get closer to four or maybe even five, children begin to want a larger world and more time with other children their age. Their world gets larger with school, and their interests in things beyond their parents and home expand; so I think this could be an ok time for a mother to work full-time.

Children of four or five are also old enough to understand that their mother has a job in which she does x each day. They are more likely to be aware of how nice it is their mother goes to a job. They are more likely to appreciate this extra aspect of their mother's life than a toddler can.