I have a sister-in-law who keeps stealing from me and my family. My husband told me not to deal with her anymore and that we forget his sister and also his mother. the women in his family are really something. His mother wishes us the worst in the world and his sister, (my sister-in-law) keeps taking things without asking and when we confront her, she just shruggs and says...whats done is done and there´s nothing she can do about it! She cries like a baby and its really ashame because I really want to love and care for her but she makes it impossible...She has alot of personal problems but so do I. I told her if she ever needed anything just ask but she keeps stealing. Should I just turn cold and mean and turn my back? Need your opinion please!
2007-01-23 08:44:39 · 43 answers · asked by mia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Listen to your husband, it's HIS family!!! You wouldn't be turning your back, you would be taking crucial steps to protect your family and your sanity! What WOULD be cold and mean would be to continue interacting with these people whom you KNOW to be toxic!
Cut off all contact with both women and if they insist on intruding, call the police. Theft is theft, family or not. Your sister-in-law has a problem that must be stopped, and you are simply enabling it to continue.
At this point, knowing your sister-in-law's repeated behavior, your desire to "love and care for her" sounds self centered and narcissistic. This isn't about you. You can't fix this woman, and your attempts to do so are negatively affecting your family. Walk away now.
Take care and best of luck!
2007-01-23 08:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ugh, what a painful situation! It is possible to not be mean while still maintaining your boundaries. If you want to get together with the sister-in-law, try meeting her out somewhere or at her home rather than yours. Make a policy that she is not allowed in your home until you have had a satisfactory conversation with her regarding the thefts.
Then try talking with her at a time other than when an incident has occurred. Try to find out her motivations for stealing-- why is she choosing to take this route rather than ask you for help? Does it save her from some sort of embarrassment? Is it a test of your caring? There has to be some (semi)rational motivation for this behavior. Try to meet these reasons with real compassion and understanding. Then try to explain how it makes you feel (beyond anger) to have this struggle between you. Tell her about the kind of relationship you would really like to have with her. Then (and this is really important) ask for her HELP in coming up with some strategies that will make both of you feel safe and cared for. If you try to problem-solve without her, it won't work. Let her put out the first idea (even if you have a million of your own). Hopefully if you both have true understanding of where the other is coming from, you can come up with some viable solutions.
Good luck!
2007-01-23 08:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lucid Dreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister-in-law steals from anyone in your family SHE NEEDS SERIOUS HELP..It's bad enough that stealing isn't right but from your own family somthing is wrong.If she dosen't want to admit she has a problem KICK HER TO THE CURB.And most of all don't let her back in your house or don't go anywhere that she can steal somthing and you might get caught up in it be CAREFUL..
2007-01-23 09:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by gblue52 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOu should get a divorce.
Your husband should be the one dealing with this?
If this were anyone else, you would have long since called the police or kept them from visiting your house.
the only reason you have not done that I guess is out of respect to your husband
now is his turn to respect you back and put an end to this madness.
If he can't you need to find a man that has a pair!
2007-01-23 09:25:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you could probably do to her is get her some psychiatric help.
Either that or put something out that you'll know she'll take...but rig it up so that it'll give her a powerful electric shock whenever she touches it....that'll learn her! Crazy damn clepto!
Good luck with that. And just kidding about electric shock thing...unless you like the idea and really do it. In which case, video tape that MF and let me know what the youtube url is!
2007-01-23 08:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by allthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still have a relationship with her, but not invite her to your house. I have your husband talk to her. He can tell his sister that you both love her very much, but she cannot come into your home again, since she steals. Then, maybe you can meet her at her house, or in public areas. She may be stealing because of drugs. Perhaps your brother needs to address this, too.
2007-01-23 08:49:37 · answer #6 · answered by Bird Breath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hide and lock up anything you don't want taken and you guys need to start looking for a place to live on your own so you guys don't have to deal with them.If you are already on your own and they just come over,its a simple as telling them to go home and that they are not welcome in your home anymore.Lets face it they are messed up and will never love or respect you back so its a waste of time to think you will ever have anything but pain from them both.
Take your mans advise and cut the loosers off from you and wipe your hands of their issues.Let them judge and rob someone else.
2007-01-23 08:50:50 · answer #7 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister in law will steal things too!! We really don't get along. She took my earrings and a sweater i know because i saw it in her suitcase!!! Anyway she never gave it back so i didn't do anything about it. i know giving the cold shoulder doesn't work. i did it and it got worse. just keep trying to be her friend. you took her brother away from her. i know cause the same happened to me. she'll come around.
2007-01-23 08:50:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call the cops too...crying means she wants you to feel sorry for her...don't bother...she knows what she's doing, problems or not. Don't let her back into your home, car or life...she's a user and you don't need to be used anymore ( you never did....).
You can't love people who can't/won't love you back, so let that go...and don't give her anything else either...you owe her nothing.
Make her stand up for herself and be an adult. ( I'm assuming she's an adult..) make her grow up and if she can't, it's not your fault...don't feel guilty and take on others problems...I'm sure you have enough of your own.
2007-01-23 08:52:13 · answer #9 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you're related (via blood or marriage) it doesn't mean you should be obligated to put up with their disrespect. It wouldn't be "cold" to distance yourself from them, it would be necessary. Otherwise, they'll keep walking all over you. I hope you stay strong in your convictions, because after all is said and done, if you keep letting them back into your life only to make it a negative experience, it'll be on you. Good luck!
2007-01-23 08:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋