Why is it that being a nice guy is a handicap in the world of dating?

Question

First, let's get what might be your assumptions out of the way before you read on. I'm 27, so I'm not speaking from a 15-year-old's perspective here. I don't hate women, if I did, I would most likely be gay.

Here's my gripe:

Finding a decent girl is basically like trying to find proof of Bigfoot's exsistence, damn near impossible. The ones that are out there always seem to be taken of course.

The rest all seem to be after one or more of the following:
1. Guys with lots of money
2. Guys that are exceptionally good looking
3. Guys with expensive cars
4. Guys that treat them like ****

Most girls won't even give your average guy a second look.

Why is this? And please, by all means, prove me wrong.

Answer 1

There's LOTS of great women out there. However, most men want women who are one or more of the following:
1. Gorgeous
2. Childless
3. Living Alone
4. Thin
5. Big boobed
6. Have pretty clothes
7. Wear makeup
8. Pay a lot of attention
9. Will put out

Oh, did I mention that most guys are looking for hot, gorgeous THIN, young, childless fashionable women who look like living Barbie dolls?

Start looking at some of the ladies with less than perfect looks, you'll find that many are very nice people.

Answer 2

I dont claim to be an expert, but maybe i can offer some advice. Being one of the average nice guys, hold out man. I was single for 2 years with many an unsuccessful date. Now i have been dating a girl for 3 years and we're getting engaged in 5 months.

However the reason i believe girls are this way is because girls have come to realize their power over men. They have the opportunity to chose at their will most of the time. So they don't feel the need to give an average time of day. However, most women will give the average guy who takes care of himself and shows an interest a second or even third look. I'm no expert, nor do i pretend to be, but i think women still want the good guy, but want men to try more to get them, i mean half the fun for the ladies is the chase is it not?

Answer 3

I promise, we're out here. There are a lot of women looking for decent guys. As you get older, you will find that the things that women look for in a man change over time. Sure, younger women want a flashy guy with a lot of money to spend on them, but that wears thin when you've been married to the guy and he turns out to be a real toad.

I think that the women that you're looking for are just starting a career or may be still in school and concentrating on that. The dumb ones that didn't go to college are the ones that are out there trying to latch onto all the good-looking money-wielding guys. Hey, they only have a short time until their looks wear off and it's down to character and intellect.

It may take a little looking, but I promise that there are good women out there - they just don't hang out at nightclubs and such. They do go to the grocery store and book stores though and maybe you can find one there. Just remember one thing - the woman you want might not come in a cute little 5'4" 120-pound package with blue eyes and long blond hair. She may not be the most beautiful woman, but if you love her she will be beautiful to you.

Answer 4

Please read my answer because NOBODY else is going to say this:

It's not that women want men who treat them badly; it's that they don't want a man to act too eager. Men have more testosterone than women, so women are always being chased. Imagine if women were chasing you all the time. Wouldn't you want a woman who presented more of a challenge?

Deep down, we know that men are biologically driven to get into our pants, and we know that men pick up Playboys and imagine themselves with a lot of women, women they don't even know. Some also see prostitutes, have sex with big plastic dolls, and call sex lines. What that tell us is that we're not that special. They just want women.

If a guy is runnning around you like a dog wagging his tail, we feel like this dog would be just as happy with a biscuit from someone else.

If, however, the guy, looks at us as if he is interested, but doesn't pursue us or just ignores us, then he stands out from the other guys, and we feel special. We feel more in control and not just someone he is biologically driven to be with.

You can't act too eager. By the way, women have to do the same thing with respect to their emotions. Perhaps we are more biologically driven to have long term mating since we have the babies. If we really like a guy, we HAVE to hold back till he is ready for us, and ultimately, he calls the shots with the relationship.

If you think that women just want the money, nice car, good looks etc.. that suggests to me that you're aiming for beautiful, superficial women and the ones that have a lot of guys trying to get them. 99% of the average looking women DO NOT go for any of the things you suggested, which means that you are ignoring your biological destiny and are aiming for the impossible.

I don't want to make you mad, but why would you set up impossible situations for yourself if you are biologically driven to be with A woman, not necessarily a beautiful woman? I guess I'm saying, How badly do you really want a woman?

Answer 5

You answered your own question.Girls or women today look for what a man can give them that is why so many women are out here getting mistreated.They look for all the nice things a man can give and not what is in a man's heart.Women that look for a man for what they can do for them they are called GOLDDIGGERS they want all they can get from a man and if they can't get it they don't want the man .Boo you will find a good girl because it is only a few of us good girls left that have not been used and abused you don't want somebody that is going to use you.I just got out of a relationship where the man only wanted me cause what I could do for him. I came to my senses and left him.Now I'm happy with the man I have now because we share everything on a equal basis.GOOD LUCK there is a girl out there that want a good man believe that.LOVE

Answer 6

I am looking for a nice guy and trust me there are a lot of trolls out there. Its a matter of time. Girls that are looking for 1-4 are either damaged or superficial. Girls or women that are looking for the same as you are, are in the same boat. So if I may flip the question, how does a woman find a nice guy like you? I am personally am not looking for 1-4 I am looking for someone to steal my heart and so should you. Don't give up, we are out here believe me. Are you looking at appearance or are you looking at her heart? Take care Heather

Answer 7

Sounds like you have your mind made up. You are differently going to the wrong crowds. There are just as many girls looking for good men as you are looking for good women. There are girls that want all those things you mentioned but there are girls that are just looking for nice men. Are you looking for the most beautiful girls you can find or do you think that a girl that is not so gorgeous would be happy to me noticed by you. Remember, you sound like you feel you are not Handsome and you need the above crutches to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe not so beautiful is what you are looking for and that she is out there waiting for you to find her beauty inside. You are either very shallow, or have a very low esteem feeling about yourself. Maybe stop going to porn site, bars, night club looking for girls that are looking for the fast male movers in the world. Start getting into down to earth women, that work, each day, go to church, look in different places and be creative. Most of all... don't worry about it that much as when love finds you ... you will least expect it. Good Luck

Answer 8

I feel like my fiancee is the expcetion to this widely held stereotype, I have basically none of things you have listed. For a lot of superficial women, those things you listed are important, and they aren't totally unreasonable. What you have to figure out is how to socialize in order to find the women that you want. Where to go, how to identify a honest, nice person, and (most importantly) how to hold youself in a manner that would attract someone else. Are you sure you are doing YOUR full part in trying to find a nice girl? Because trust me, they are out there. A lot of my friends have this same gripe, but then again, their standards are a little too high for what they are actually talking about.

Answer 9

A possible answer is: For the same reason decent girls find dating to be frustrating. It seems our basic dating society is mostly made up of people with few principles or morals & are more interested in "scoring" than building healthy relationships. This makes it very disappointing to those who do have strong guidelines of behavior.

Anything worth having is worth working for. And healthy relationships take patience & time.
Some may interpret this as totally wrong. So lets see who responds and with what?

Answer 10

i'm sorry but i have the same problem except looking for nice guys. this is the problem. the nice guys are usually with the crazy chicks and the nice woman are with assholes. not all of us want the bad boys. there are the ones that want that great, sweet, independent, mature guy. it's just really hard especially this day in age to find one. trust me. i'm lucky if a guy even looks my way when i'm out with my daughter. i'm going to give you the same advice someone on here gave me.
"there is nothing wrong with you.all you have to do is be patient and stop looking and the perfect person for you will come knocking on your door."
oh i should let you know that us nice girls meet on mondays and thursdays.lol. good luck and hey if you were in my area i'd ask you out. that is if you could handle an honest, independent, funny and intelligent woman who gos after what she wants in life.lol