When you do nice things for someone simply because you care about them a lot and want to help them out, is it wrong to feel hurt when you don't hear a "thank you" or "I appreciate what you do for me" occasionally?
I've been told that appreciation should go without saying and that it's selfish to expect a "thank you" (or another form of communicated appreciation) after doing nice things and being there for somone. I've been told that if I expect appreciation, I'm doing something for that person because I expect something in return - appreciation. In my mind, I'm doing it because I care, not to get appreciation, but when I don't get an occasional "thank you" or "I appreciate what you do for me", I feel taken for granted and walked all over.
I need help. Thanks!
2007-01-23 07:29:19 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I can't provide too many details for personal reasons but it has to do with my B/F. I've been providing him with free childcare for the last 6 months and I have yet to hear a "thank you for taking good care of my child and saving me money on childcare expenses while I work"... on his own free will. Actually, even when I bring up the fact that I feel unappreciated because he's never said "thank you", that's when I get told I'm being selfish for wanting appreciation and that the appreciation should go without saying...and I STILL don't even get a "thank you" even after I bring it up. I'm just so hurt and frustrated. Am I being selfish to want to know that it means something to him that I help him out?
2007-01-23 09:50:54 · update #1
I try to do everything i can for the people i care about, and it is nice to hear thanks every now and then.
2007-01-23 10:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's selfish to expect a simple thank you in return for something that we do...as long as that's not the reason you're doing it.
I know I coach two kid hockey teams and there are a couple kids on the teams that come with families with little money and they can't afford to travel, so they come with me. So I will drive them to and from practices, and games. With the away games that I bring the kids too, I pay for their lunch, and dinner..and if we're on an overnight I spring for the hotels too. I don't mind doing this as the kids love playing hockey and I don't feel that they should be excluded from it because their parents can't afford it, but at the same time it would be nice just to get a simple thank you every now and again just to show that they do appreciate the time and money that I am willing to put towards their child so they have the opportunity to play hockey, and so I don't feel like they are taking advantage of me or walking all over me. I really don't think that I'm being selfish in that either.
2007-01-23 07:43:27 · answer #2 · answered by photogrl262000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if the Sun fell into the Earth? Not going to happen. Concerning yourself over if eternal joy didn't exist is worring about the impossible. Instead think of life and it's trials a test and eternal joy the reward; because that's what it is. During our worst times in life we can always know that it won't last forever and that as Christians we can reap the ultimate reward. That's enough for me to get up after I've been kicked in the nuts; not just get up but jump up and stick out my chest in confidence.
2016-03-28 23:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe it is wrong to feel a little "walked on" when you help someone out and receive no thanks or any means of appreciation.
However, you should consider the state of the person when you are helping them. A child, for example might be too excited or might be too young to know better, or helping someone up who has just publicly fallen to the ground, might be too embarrassed to express their gratitude. But the normal thing to do is to express your thanks to someone who has helped you.
If you feel that someone you are helping is not appreciative of the help you give them, I suggest you make yourself less available to them in the future. The next time they need help and you aren't there to help them, you may soon find out just how grate full for your help they truly are.
2007-01-23 07:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by supertim74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's wong necessarily to want to be appreciated for doing something nice for someone. That's a part of being human. We ALL want to feel validated and appreciated.
There's a difference, however between wanting appreciation and expecting appreciation. To expect some form of appreciation because you've done something nice is selfish, and does pretty much negate why you're doing something nice to begin with.
To put it another way: I WANT a million dollars. I don't EXPECT it to land in my lap.
2007-01-23 08:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it selfish? Perhaps. Is it wrong? No.
But it if makes you feel better, the needy, ungrateful people of the world that do not express their appreciation are just plain RUDE!
2007-01-23 07:45:42 · answer #6 · answered by BB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word of God says in whatsoever you do do it heartily as unto the Lord.It is the Lord that will bless you but it is nice to be appreciated.Nothing wrong with giving honor to whom honor is due.Sad to say a lot of people for some reason think if we have a relationship with the Lord it is our responsibility.
This is one reason why Jesus said he that endures until the end the same shall be saved.
2007-01-23 07:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by jackiedj8952 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No one likes to get taken advantage of. Thats why I tell my kids to write Thank You cards, or the present goes back.
2007-01-23 07:42:46 · answer #8 · answered by pepsiolic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do it for sake of doing it. No response should be expected. Tho, I will admit--it would be nice sometimes.
2007-01-23 09:17:15 · answer #9 · answered by Shossi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋