Thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 6 yrs. Can somebody give me some clarity?

Question

I've been dating this girl for 6 years and she wants to live together, eventually get married and have children. (all good things) I'm in my 30s, she in her mid 20s. I do love her but I have big doubts of being a provider for a family. I'm actually doing worse than my father who was able to afford a house, and the middle class. And yet I have an advance degree. I'm thinking of letting her go so she can get on with her life, because financially its too hard for me to be a husband and a father. Any 'real' advice. Please spare me the idealist comments, and the cliche saying of live and love.

Answer 1

If you feel it is too much for you then you already have your answer. Obviously it is important for you to be the financial provider and it is eating away at how you feel about yourself and the relationship. If you honestly believe you don't want to go in the same direction she does it would be much more fair for you to cut the ties now and tell her you don't share her view of the future and wish for her to be able to find someone that has the same hopes and dreams.

Answer 2

Be truthful to yourself first and to her about your financial situation and your commitment to being a husband and eventually a father. Tell her that you love her but that you are not ready to make a commitment because in the long run, it is due to financial situations that people divorce so you would be better off telling her the reality of life. It will do good to both of you.

Answer 3

If you wait until circumstances are perfect....then will you ever be ready?

You need to think about that. I am a single mother of two kids and have supported myself through college and now I am finally in a job position where I am able to pay all my bills each month and try to pay down my credit cards. No, I wasn't able to give my kids a mansion with a pool and horses, etc, but they were always fed, clothed, etc.

You have two people who can work together and provide for a family together. Stop stressing. If you love her and she loves you, then don't throw it away. Work together. You don't have to stress over finances, it will all be okay and will work out.....just have faith.

Answer 4

If you truly do love eachother, she will love whatever you can provide her. But if your doubts are that serious, ask yourself if you are prepared to live without her based on fears that have not materialized yet. Think about what you want, don't try and be noble, because this is your life. If your doubt is greater than your love for her, then yes, let her go so you can both get on with your lives.

Answer 5

a degree means nothing at the end of the day if you yourself dont wanna get out there and work to make something of urself and for ur future family. if u love her, then be totally honest and tell her how you feel and that you dont want the responsibility of being an adult. maybe it wud be best to let her go because she will never gain being with someone who doesnt want to grow up. we all need money to live at the end of the day. it also takes two people who love each other to provide a home and all the benefits so u wudnt be the sole provider wud u? i live alone (divorced) and i feel so proud of myself for being a sole provider and bringing up my kid alone, it is a great achievement!!

Answer 6

ok first the cliche: if you love her.....

nvm,
tell her the thruth you like her alot but you can't handle the responsability of being the provider for a family.
No need to go dumping yet.
And don't rush it, she's talking about living togheter, it's not like there are going to pop children soon...
You might work things out over time financially that is (you have! a advance degree)

Answer 7

Simply sit down and tell her about your doubts of providing for her and a family. Tell her you don't want to settle down until you are financially stable because it will be too frustrating and you do not want to settle down until you know that you can make it work. Tell her you can barely be financially solid for your self let alone a family right now. Ask her how she feels. She may make the decision for you.

Answer 8

Well today is definately not like the time of our fathers and I ponder the same as you do because of finances, and I'm single. I think you should stick by her and seriosuly talk to her about how you feel about all this, the whole picture, your wants, hers, and go from there. It no easy decison, esp when you have worked your *** for for a degree and end up working at Starbucks.

Answer 9

If you have any doubts than don't do it and not really sure of yourself that you really love her enough to marry. Do you think your finding excuses not to marry her, I think you are so don't do it until feel absolutely sure. You already know if all this happens what she wants and you really don't . Let her go and find someone that wants children with all the trimmings. If you marry and all this comes tumbling on your head I see Divorce already, so be sure before you commit to something your really not sure of and it gets costly., children get involved and that's when the s*** , hits the fan.

Answer 10

this is a very common issue. i really think many men feel inadequate. but, bear in mind...these are expectations. talk to her. share your fears with her. make yourself vulnerable and tell her of your concerns. at that point, perhaps you both can gear your plans accordingly. it would be wrong to just leave her without explaining why. maybe she will understand your dilemna more than you think. what do you have to lose anyhow. i wish you luck. really. special people are so very hard to find. don't blow an opportunity with someone you love for the sake of pride. let her have a role or say in this decision. she might just surprise you in a good way.