Do I have to invite every child in my daughter's class to her birthday party?

Question

I need etiquette help. She is in kindergarten and has been invited to numerous parties from her classmates. The problem is she has many friends and family outside the classroom also. The party can get pricey. Where do you draw the line without offending anyone?

Answer 1

Good question. Not only can this be pricey, but it is a dis-service to not teach our children moderation. One of the most important lessons in life is to learn not to get our feelings hurt and to not take things personally when we ourselves might not be invited to a party we thought we would or should have been.

It's a great opportunity to talk about sensitivity issues and explain that since we cannot invite everyone, we must be very careful not to talk about the party around others that could make them feel bad.

Your child will probably at some time be asked by an inquiring or maybe just plain bold child about why they weren't invited to their party. Help your child formulate a kind response in anticipation of this event.

Finally, you can help her other friends feels cared about by inviting them over before and after for play dates or a mini-party that doesn't revolve around the birthday celebration.

For instance: when our children were young, we didn't want them spending the night at others homes so we did a "Mini Sleepover". A friend or two would come over and have dinner and watch a movie all sprawled out on their sleeping bags. When the designated time arrived, the parents would pick up their child.

Best of luck and congradts. on your sensitivity to your child and others feelings!

Answer 2

Most teachers will not let the children pass out anything without having one for each person.. At your daughters age kids will be hurt easy.

You have a few options-
1. Do you know the parents-after school YOU pass out the invites..
2. Do 2 parties-
3.State RSVP a must

Now you say your child has been invited to a few class parties- How many other children have shown up?
In the past if there has been 25 kids in my childs class only about 5-6 will show up..
What about a class party? Then a family party?
Wish I could help you better..
First ask the teacher what the rule is on passing out invites..
Then go from there- You have a budget set for your childs b-day after a few years I had to cut family out of the big party and do a family dinner setting.. Its never easy!

Answer 3

How very sad. I had this happen to a foster daughter I had. Of course, in that instance, it really was kind of understandable why she was not invited given her frequent and disruptive outburst in school. The other children resented it and the more they alienated her, the more she acted out. It was a vicious cycle. I would talk to the teacher and ask her why she excluded your foster daughter. It could be something as simple as her daughter not knowing your foster daughter well enough since your foster daughter may be new to the school. Or it could be something heartless like the mother just doesn't want her precious child associating with "those kind of people." More than likely though, she is just scared that your foster child will be disruptive. Maybe she has had dealings with foster children in the past. Maybe her parents foster and she resents having one (or more) of her birthday parties disrupted by a former foster sibling. Ultimately, it is her daughter's party and she can invite or not invite who she wants. And you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you should advocate and stand up for her but would you be this upset if this was your bio child? Or would you chalk it up to a lesson that "sh** happens" and use it as a way to teach your child about disappointment. It is admirable that you want to protect her (I totally get that) but also, are you doing her any favors by protecting her from disappointment in life? I think this would also be a great way to teach her about manners, class and taking the high road. I would take your foster daughter out to Wal-Mart or Target and pick out a little gift for the girl. And then have your foster daughter present it to the birthday girl and say, "I'm sorry I can't come to your birthday party but my foster parents (or just parents) and I have something special planned that day but I got you something. I hope you like it" and then leave it at that. And then take her out and do something special with her. Nothing extravagant, don't go overboard trying to make everything right, but again, do the same thing you would do with your bio child.

Answer 4

If you are not inviting the whole class which I don't think that you are required to do. ( Would you want people that you didnt necessarily like going to your birthday?) Get the mailing addresses of children in the class and mail them out. Do not have her hand out invites to just some of the children, this could create problems. Have your daughter not talk about the party too much at school but if the subject comes up and someone has hurt feelings just explain that you had to limit the invites because you have a lot of outside friends and family.

Answer 5

To answer your question, no, you do not have to invite every child in your daughter's class to her birthday party. Though whatever you do, do not send invitations to the children via your own child. If you want a few of her friends from the class to come then let her know that you will invite the friends she chooses (you might want to give her a limit on how many she can invite). Then just mail the invitations out. As long as you conduct all your actions outside of the school, there shouldn't be any interference by the teacher or school. I know it sounds a bit shady and all, but there is nothing that says you have to spend money on someone else's children.

Answer 6

It's really hard to draw the line at this age - you're going to end up with hurt feelings somewhere along the line. If you can't invite everyone in the class, send the invites thru regular mail, and I would at least invite all the girls to the party. (It's easier to separate them by gender.)

The other thing to consider - what about having a small birthday party with her classmates, and then later on taking her closest non-school friends out for pizza one night separately, and then just having family for cake one night? This way, no one is really excluded and you're not breaking the bank.

Answer 7

Hi! I agree with the answers about sending the invitations out if you are not going to invite the whole class. In our family, a general rule of thumb is to only invite the number of kids that you child is turning. So, if she is turning 5, invite 5. This has worked well with both of my kids, and now that my oldest is 9, she has only a few close friends that she invites. As they get older, they will invite less. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

No. You make the guest list, you call the shots, only invite the girls from class she really plays with a lot. Just DON'T hand out the invites at school--mail them to their homes, and use this opportunity to teach some etiquette to your daughter about not discussing the party at school since not all are invited. She is old enough to understand this.

Answer 9

Even if you do invite them all, more then likely some wont show. So put RSVP on the invites. As well as put on the ones to the class that parent should remain present with the child at all times. I know that sounds kinda crass, but seriously that will drop the number of classmates that attend.
I have been one of them moms that will not drop off a child at a birthday party, but some moms seem fine with that. So put that on the invite and see what happens. Trust me, the number will drop down!
Good Luck, and Happy Birthday to the birthday Girl!!!

Answer 10

Well as a mom of 4 boys, we have one in kindergarden, one in first and one in second. You draw the line wherever you feel comfortable. At least once a week one of the kids is bringing home an invitation to a party. It gets spendy, 10$ per child each week HA! Anyways i recently made my rule up and that is this. If i know the kid, or the parents ( as i know most lol because i am a room mother) they can go, IF its a girl party they dont go, as we have boys and its just easier.
People have gotten into the wrong idea on parties, they take them to pizza places, or swimming parties around here and it gets to be to much running, every weekend booked and its not cheap. They want their child to get as many gifts as possible and blah blah blah. Draw the line where you feel like drawing and DONT feel bad at all!!!!