I am 16, is it ok to be engaged if the guys family is strict...?

Question

I am 16 and soon to be engaged this summer, we want to get married June 29th, 2009, when we will both be 18. There is only one proble, his parents dont want us to be engaged until we are 17 but, we dnt really care.We feel if we love eachother why wait. We have already been together for 2 years. Should be get engaged then wait a couple months until he turns 17 to tell his parents. HELP!!!

Answer 1

Y dont both of wait to get enage 18 sounds like a good age. You both will have your head on straight and start focusing on the real life.

Answer 2

I know it seems like this is the best thing that has ever happened to you, but i would really say hold it off until you are bit older. If the love is real, it wont leave.

Why dont you wait until you both can financially take care of yourself and a child (those do come up pretty quick in some marriages).

That or you can get engaged and then hold off the actual marriage until you are in your 20's- that way you both were given the opportunity to grow up, finish school and get a headstarton your lives. So much changes between 16 and 23, you wouldnt even believe it.

in the end though- you are 16. You will do what you want to do with or without anyone's blessings or comments. Just make sure whatever decision you make will better the both of you in the long run.

Marriage is a long term commitment- a job, and you always have to work at it. No one should tell you that you marriage wouldnt work at such a young age, but you certainly do have the cards stacked against you in this matter.

Take care of yourself. and if you can answer the next few thing with yes- then you are ready.

- Are you financially able to support a family ABOVE poverty level and WITHOUT help from Public aid or family help?
- Are you finished with schooling (at least high school- but preferably college)
- Did you live on your own for at least the past year?
- Putting your love blinders down, can you say you HONESTLY can see yourself 40 years from now with the young man you are with right now?
- Do you currently provide more than 80% of your own care? (allowance is not counted as income)

Take your time. Hold off the wedding. You will be happier in the long run.

Answer 3

2 years is not long to be in a relationship!! Take it from someone who's been in a relationship (not married) for 5 years and then had to break it off. Plus, what difference does it make if your engaged now if you can't even get married until 18 anyway. If your committed to each other, you shouldn't need a ring to prove that. If you do feel that you need the ring or the title "fiance", then your obviously too young. I have a friend who married young (18) and she still regrets it to this day (she's 25 now). Sadly, the only reason she's trying to stick through is because she has a kid. Married life is not all fun and games. You both need to develop a sense of your own individuality and life plan before you commit to each other. If your still together in 2009, and still feel the same way about each other, then consider getting engaged then.

Answer 4

Whatever your feelings may be for each other right now, 16 is too young. The feelings very well may not change, but they may. You will not be the same person in 5 years that you are now, no one is - you learn, live, and grow.

Also, its not a good idea to start your engagement off on the wrong foot by being deceitful, you will regret that later. wait until you are both older and reevaluate, then get engaged. You don't want to be a statistic, and look at the numbers these days.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Being engaged has no legal standing, therefore you can be engaged at any age. (from birth even!) The only thing that is controlled is when you get married. (after 18 yrs old in 48 states, then no one can control anything. legal marrying age in NE is 19 and 21 in MS)

Personally, I think your rushing it. But I know you won't see it that way. I think you should graduate High School first. I am telling you for a fact that the woman you are right now will not even remotely resemble the woman you will be at 21. It's your choice, your life.

But if the majority of adults around you are shaking their head in disbelief then don't you think you should at least take a double look at your situation?

edit - concerning tax breaks. Once married no matter what the age, tax breaks are allowed. Being married emancipates a minor.

Answer 6

16 is too young to be engaged and if you need to seek approval from a forum full of strangers than you know in your heart that your not ready yet. Your just not willing to admit it. Why not jut go the promise route and if when your 18 or older and still feel the same then by all means take the next step. Waiting will be best for both of you because you'll both be able to handle the commitment and stresses of marriage. Please wait a few more years and do whats best.

Answer 7

I am also young and engaged, but I am in college. Before proposing, you both need to be out of high school. I was with my boyfriend my junior and senior year, always talked about getting married, but he did wait almost 4 years beforing proposing to me. I want to warn you that from the ages of 16-21 you WILL and she WILL change so much. Those are the years that you find your self identity (you need to look that up and under stand it). Right now y'all are just high school kids in love (which you probably are...I don't doubt you).

I want to ask why you think it is so necessary to get married right away? Are you afraid to be alone? Afraid y'all will split apart? If you truly ARE meant to be together....why not wait until you both are at least 21. Marriage is just a contract....keep what you have now and wait it out. Please though...wait a while because it is CRUCIAL that you both figure out who you truly are WITHOUT the presence of one another.

Go to about.com and type in young marriage and read some stuff. Really do it....I read it and learned a lot. There is WAYYYYY more to marriage than just love. You both must agree how to handle financial situations, sex, you both need to agree on a parenting philosophy, you also both need to decide who is going to work and who will do certain household chores like cook, clean, mow the lawn and stuff.

Do you really want to be married and have the shame of living with parents??? You both need to go to college...even away to college and live in seperate dorms in seperate cities. After that, if y'all can keep a long distance relationship strong, then get married. Not now.

I do hope you listened to me because I am only 20 and I will be 21 or 22 before I get married. I know that marriage sounds so good to you now, but if y'all are in love...wait a couple years...what will it hurt? It will hurt nothing, no one, and you won't have shame if anything goes wrong.

Answer 8

if you are going to wait till your 18 to get married you should hold off on the engagement. You both are very young, you never know what tomorrow will bring. How strict are either of your parents that you have been dating for 2 yrs already. You sound like a smart girl, wait. Besides a wedding is very expensive, who is paying for it? Are either of you planing on going to college, that to cost money. Make sure you plann everything ahead, good luck

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Ok...so i have been there...i was engaged when i was 16, but the best advice that i can give you is dont rush into actually getting married. I also think it would be in your best interest to respect his parents as well...because in the end they could cause a lot of problems in your relationship. Best of luck to you!