I am almost 19, yet my parents are still very very clingy and attempt to control my life. I know I am not exaggerating as friends, other adults, and even mental health professionals agree that they need to give me space.
I decided not to fly home for a short break we have before the start of the next term, and again they started telling me how inconsiderate I am. How am I supposed to learn to be independent with parents who will not let me do things on my own? For example, I was going to go into town and open a bank account locally and they'd rather come here and do it for me. They also do not trust me to make doctor's appointments.
Anytime I try to get a word in, I am apparently being rude to them. How does one deal with this sort of situation?
2007-01-23 05:40:51 · 13 answers · asked by sunnyd_137 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My wife had this problem so as you can imagine, I am the bad guy and will be forever. We just cut them off and one day they realized that we will have grandchildren and it wasn't worth it for them. I don't think there is any one thing you can do unless you can make them realize what they are doing. Just be responsible, especially with money and men and teach them a lesson! I will say you are still a little young but hopefully in the next couple years of living independent, they will see you can handle it just fine. Don't dissapoint them!
2007-01-23 05:45:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you an only child? It sounds like they have a hard time letting go.
You need to be firm with them about what they can and cannot do for you. If they are not supporting you financially, then they have no say in what you do. If they are supporting you financially, then I can see why they feel that they can tell you what to do.
But --you can still take charge of some parts of your life.
If they make a doctor's appointment for you and you don't want to keep it, then call the doctor's office and explain that you want to cancel the appointment. Are they making an appointment with YOUR doctor or one of their choosing? If it is someone you would rather not have as your doctor, don't go.
As far as I know, they can't open an account for you without your permission. You would need to sign a signature card.
You might want to sit down with them and tell them that they did a good job in raising you to be independent and that you need a chance to practice independence.
Also, you need to stop telling them what you intend to do unless it directly involves them. If you tell them that you are going to open an account, you know they will insist on "helping" If you tell them you don't feel well, they will make an appointment.
So---- as an independent adult ---- tell them AFTER you have taken care of the situation. Tell them that you have opened an account ( and that you are not willing to discuss details, such as what bank) Tell them that you saw the doctor and what he said ( if you feel you want to tell them)
And if they tell you that you are being inconsiderate, tell them that you are sorry they feel that way,but, as an adult, you have a life apart from them.
If they are supporting you financially, some of this advice will not apply --- no sense in upsetting them enough to cut off funds!
2007-01-23 09:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds terrible. I'm 21 and it took my parents a while to let me go and I just had to be patient. If I were you, I would ignore what my parents said and do things on your own and that would show them that you can be independent and responsible.
2007-01-23 06:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by faeb15 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are going to be your parents until the day they die.
Respect them, honor them, listen to them, and love them.
The day will come when you will miss them more than anything in the world.
You are only 18. You are still a kid. You are not fully "cooked" yet.
Be grateful that your parents apparently still love you, are concerned for your welfare, and want to be a part of your life.
2007-01-23 05:46:39 · answer #4 · answered by Jack C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing fairly well. The key thing is to show, repeatedly that you can fully manage your own affairs, without assistance.
They may have insecurities about their age. They want to still feel needed. Try a phone conversation about something like, financial planning. They may well have good advice.
However, I think you are doing the right thing by establishing boundaries and taking care of yourself
2007-01-23 05:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by John T 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Her dad and mom are doing the appropriate concern. If she lives in a frightening community and is as eye-catching as you assert, she should be pushed to college. She additionally needs to realize that she is 13, no longer 17 or 18. once you're older you will understand. i assume she outfits in tight outfits and short shirts and skirts? it is her first concern - her dad and mom does no longer concern lots if she did no longer try this. I wasn't allowed to pass out with acquaintances on my own till i became 15 and then I had an formerly curfew than maximum of my acquaintances. It became because of the fact i became immature and made undesirable judgements. She would possibly no longer think of gangs are cool, yet that doesn't advise she would be in a position to't get caught up interior the direction of a gang combat. It does not advise she could no longer start up liking a gang boy and get drawn in. All childrens think of they might desire to be excited and self reliant. strolling by gangland on my own at night being eye-catching and getting raped or worse isn't thrilling or self reliant. Her dad and mom are preserving her risk-free. So, she has to attend a 365 days or 2. she would be ready to get a raffle. the terrific concern your pal can do to get greater privileges is earn them. She ought to do issues with out being asked or advised - like cleansing and doing her homework and the dishes - tackle greater chores with out being asked. She ought to teach her dad and mom that she would be in a position to guard some greater duty by ability of taking some on herself at abode. She ought to teach that she would be in a position to make solid possibilities by ability of how she outfits or does her hair or makeup, and so on. by ability of no longer exhibiting off her looks at this type of youthful age.
2016-11-01 02:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I was a child once, and now that I am older I see that parents that do this care. This is a ruthless world out here. Your parents are trying to protect you. They can care about you and watch over you but can't control your life. They are making sure that you are not being harmed. This is what I did when my parents became unbearing, I moved and lost contact with them for 2 yrs. I came to terms with them when my fiancee wanted to meet them and tell them about our wedding plans. try that. unless they are paying rent for you somewhere.
2007-01-23 05:48:45 · answer #7 · answered by prettysexycalves 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You may need to be upfront and honest but in a nice way.Let them know that while you may make some mistakes along the way you still need to do things for yourself as that IS THE WAY PEOPLE LEARN.Good luck and be happy they even care.
2007-01-23 05:46:01 · answer #8 · answered by amber 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u must to show them that u can, don't argue and be rude they think negative about u.. just calm down and show them that u are right, and improve your thought in the facts, for example if u want to go to the Bank, tell them trust me i can, when u come back and u will success in this they give u other test, believe me it will work, show the positive to them not the negative.
2007-01-23 05:46:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take what they say with a grain of salt. You're doing a wonderful job of making it on your own. After awhile they'll know you are going to do your own thing.
2007-01-23 06:24:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋