What type of horrible parent tells thier child this?

Question

One of the most sacred and beautiful blessings of my life has been becoming a mother. As a mother it is nothing that I would not do to make sure that my child is happy and safe. I went to a resturant for lunch and this mother was telling thier child that they were already fat enough that they did not need to eat anymore food. I could not believe it. The child looked about 9 or 10. She was a lttle chubby but she was absolutely beautiful. She had hardly even eaten half of her salad. I have heard many people do this before. They do not care what they are doing to thier child when they make comments like that. They forget the important things like self confidence and self esteem. If your child is a little chubby, cook a little differently, do fun things with them, you do not have to tell them that they are fat. Fat is not a stigma, although I am not fat, I have seen some gorgeous women on the plump side that could have almost any man they want.

I might add that I am a tad vocal and I confronted the lady. I told her that she was an uneducated oaf and she should be proud to have a beautiful daughter. I told the little girl that inadequacies come from the heart and not from the scale. The mother turned so red that she looked like a crayon. She told me to mind my f***ing business. I told her that her daughter is going to be a beauty but it was very obvious that she did not get her looks from the mother's side of the family. She stood up. I calmly let her know that she should think twice before she step in my face, I also told her that child welfare needed to take her child and have her fixed like the stupid b*tch that she was. I know that I should not have said anything but it pissed me off.

When I told the woman what I had to say, I was not loud or snappy. I said everything calmly. I did not want to upset the little girl. The mother is the one that jumped up and displayed her ignorance in front of her child. My child was not with me. Yet if he was I would be glad that he would see someone stand up for someone. Sometimes people pick on people that are helpless. You see it all the time with the elderly and children. So the mental case was that mother, because it seemed that I was more concerned with the child than her mother was.

Answer 1

As a woman who was "pleasingly plump" (as my mother said) as a child....but let's face it, I was fat.....this just makes me cringe....

If you've seen this before, come prepared!! I love the last few sentences of your rant...

"If your child is a little chubby, cook a little differently, do fun things with them, you do not have to tell them that they are fat."

I would put it on a 3X5 card in your diaper bag....and just start handing them out to the parents you see doing this. It won't embarrass the parent, but will call to attention their actions, which they might not be aware of.

Answer 2

You have a lot of good ideas about parenting and obviously care about your and other children. She shouldn't have said what she did. Clearly there are issues there. But your comments were inflammatory and escalated into something so ugly! I wonder if there were things you could have said that were actually helpful - maybe suggested a physical activity for the child. Perhaps you could have written a note saying you were disturbed by her comment and that it hurts a child more than the parent knows, dropping it off on the table. Confronting her in front of this little girl was a problem.

Many children today are obese. This is not a beauty issue. It is a health issue. And many parents don't know how to communicate their concern. You also don't know the whole story of these people. Maybe the little girl had been eating a bunch of junk food earlier. Maybe she was whining for dessert later. I seriously doubt you had the full picture. I'm sure if someone overheard me at times without a full context they would think I should be drowned. :-)

Answer 3

YOU GO GIRL! I'm soo glad that there was someone brave enough to step up and tell it like it was! Too many people turn a blind eye to that type of stuff. I

Nobody should speak to another person like that, especially thier parent! I grew up in a household where my step father would make comments like "your @$$ is getting big" (I was underweight in highschool, ppl thought I had an eating disorder)...well, I'm 27 now, happily married with one child (I'm about 15 lbs over weight but I'm still losing pregnancy weight) and I STILL don't have any self esteem because of it. Stuff like that damages a child for life and it is very difficult for the person to get over. Hearing comments like that and being treated like that from your parents will actually cause one to over eat or cause them to develope eating disorders.

In my opinion, when the child is that young, it is the PARENTS fault if the child is overweight. They promote the eating habits and activity habits. Sometimes it is a medical thing too...but the parents don't do anything about that because they just assume their child eats too much.

Grrrrr.....People like that shouldn't have children!

Answer 4

i am a overweight adult and was as a child, my mom never told me i was fat or needed to stop eatting. she tried to get me involed in outside activites. my mom said i was buetiful and that is why today when people say stuff aboutme i don't let it gt to me because my mom taught me self respect and that anyone weather a size 0 or 24 is buetiful. now my boyfrieds familey they tell his sister son who is 8 years old and weighs 109 pounds that he is fat and lazy and need to stop stuffing his face well i told them that at 8 years old it is the parents responiblitie to start good eatting habbits i just hate when i hear pareants saying cruel things like this to their child. that mother should have her child taken away from her i know in some states theyy are trying to make it a law that if your child is very over weight then that is child abuse. i think this is a good thing because maybe less kids will have health issue later in life.bt i think that it is hard to get kids to eat right but if a parent trys everything in their power then they need to ask a dr what to do.
i now have my own child he is 11 months and i decided to cut out fast food with him all hme cooked meals . and heathy treats lie apples and so on when he gets older

i am so glad that you had the guts to speak up about this it show that at leat there are still some old ways where people looked after every child that was in emontianl or physical harms way

so i thank you
maybe that mother has learned something about how it feels to be put down a noch or two just like how her poor girl felt it bad enough that other are cruel but it sickens me when it a parent they are supposed to be the rock in rough seas

Answer 5

That's a terrible thing to tell a child. If she's so worried about her daughter getting overweight, it's not the child's fault. It's her own fault for cooking food that has too much fat in it. The parent controls how overweight a child can get by controlling the food that he/she gives their child. It's her fault for feeding her daughter too much fatty food, so why is she telling her daughter she's too fat? She's just going to damage her self confidence. This is a form of abuse. She needs to support her daughter. She's just a little chubby? That seems pretty normal for a lot of children. A lot of children have some baby fat and grow out of it. But I agree completely with you. That mother is not doing a good job.

Answer 6

I agree that the parent was wrong, but I also believe that confronting the parent in that manner could have possibly put the child in danger. Often times well meaning comments by strangers could be the trigger that sets the parent off and the only target for the parent (once you left) was the child.

Answer 7

You sound like a mental case who needs to mind t heir own business...what kind of parent are you when you set an example for your child that its okay to act like a complete idiot in public. Seriously, you are pretty much no better off by teaching your child bad manners and that aggression is a good way to deal with your problems. Get a life.

Answer 8

That upsets me because I used to be constantly criticized by my family. I've been called several things. My grandma used to tell me I was fat and that my hair was so unruly that I looked like a caveman. This only made me more insecure, and it even made me hate myself rather than hating the person who said this to me almost daily. I know this is especially bad on girls, because they want to look good and be attractive to others. I would have confronted the woman, just as you did. Telling your child that, whether its true or not, is disgusting. You did the right thing.

Answer 9

At least she's showing interest in the future of her childs emotional welfare, but I agree with you, it sounds like that Mom could do with a few child rearing psychology classes. On the other end of the scale, I once knew a women who encouraged her overweight teenage daughter to eat, and then told me in confidence that she was glad her daughter was fat, because she didn't have to worry about her having boyfriends.......

Answer 10

Good for you for standing up for the child!!!!!

However, I do think you took it a bit too far. She obviously is embarassed by her child being overweight and instead of trying to correct things the proper way, she is trying to shame the child. This will only result in her hating her mother and/or becoming anorexic/bulimic.