My mother and I don't have the best relationship ever but we still talk and what not, and when I got engaged she offered to pay for the wedding and everything even for my dress. Well when it came down to me buying my dress she was nowhere to be found so now I have to buy that myself. I want to get this wedding planned already and she keeps saying that she needs more time to get money together. ( she has the money she makes more than enough ) Im not even wanted that big of a wedding but everytime I go to plan it she makes up excuses and I have to push the date back I have had to do this at least four times already. I just want to get married already. I know the grooms family pays for the alcohol but I don't want an open bar so should I ask my fiancee' to talk with his parents and see if they will help us out with some of it and us pay for some as well?? I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS. I just want to get married already and my mom is making things very hard on us.
2007-01-23 04:43:43 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My mother is the one who was pushing and pushing for us to get married and now that I am planning things she is making things so complicated.
2007-01-23 05:04:43 · update #1
Us paying for it is not a problem at all, I just figured since my mother wanted to help out why not let her, we don't have a problem at all paying for this on our own but we just don't want to have to plan things around when my mother wants it to be done, my mother is the type of person that if you go against her she will make you feel bad about it forever and never let it die that is why i have been being patient about letting her do it when she is ready but we have been waiting for over a year now and don't want to wait any longer we don't want to play her games and have to postpone the wedding yet again that is why I am asking for suggestions
2007-01-23 05:08:02 · update #2
My mother loves my fiancee there is no underlying problem with her not wanting me to get married or anything like that, she was there when he picked out my ring and he asked my dad first before he even asked me to marry him so I know both of my parents support the decision. I don't think it is the grooms family's responsibility to have to cover the entire wedding. I am even willing to cover majority of the cost. we aren't doing anything huge i mean it is going to be a wedding for family and close friends and a reception for friends and family this isn't going to be a huge wedding. I already have a dress and a place to do it, my aunt is a photographer, a close friend of ours is a d.j and the place where we are reserving the hall takes care of all decorations and what not so this isn't going to be all that costly
2007-01-23 05:12:16 · update #3
This is your wedding and therefore you need to set down some guidelines. Be fair, but be firm. Ask your mother when she reasonably thinks she will be able to come up necessary money for deposits/final payments, and set the date. Make sure that it's a reasonable amount of time off in case you have to pay any expenses out of your own pocket. Now that the date is set, start checking out vendors so you can lock them in for that date...if she's not around when you go look at reception sites, gowns, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, etc., go by yourself or get a friend to go with you, or even your fiancee. Get the prices, and take them to her. Be prepared for her to hem and haw and then go and book what you want yourself. You can have a beautiful wedding on a budget of you plan properly and stick to a budget.
As for the liquor, did they offer to pay for the liquor? If not, don't expect them to. If you don't want an open bar-though it is considered tacky to have your guests pay for their own drinks, serve beer and wine only (of course with iced tea, punch, and soft drinks). Or go with a totally non-alcoholic reception. If you have your reception in the evening this might not be a good idea, if you want people to stick around and celebrate with you. (Alcohol served-have to kick people out at the end of the night; beer & wine-will generally stay an hour or two after dinner (and traditional events), non-alcoholic-ready to go after dinner.)
It's your wedding, so plan on paying for it yourself, like I said earlier, you can have a really nice wedding on a small budget if you plan for it. And if everyone (mother, in-laws) come through with financial assistance even better!
Examples: Rent your dress instead of buying it, check out used (consignment shops, e-bay, etc.) dresses, or check out finding a dress that isn't techncially a "wedding" dress; use artificial flowers instead of real, go with a DJ instead of a band, make your invitations (you can find some lovely stationary for invitations at stores like Office Max, Staples, or at party stores),find a venue that go be used for both the ceremony and the reception, etc.
The only thing you shouldn't skimp on is the photographer! You'll definitely reget not having quality pictures of your big day!
2007-01-23 05:31:09 · answer #1 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Talk to you mother and see what is the real problem. Ask her is it that she does not have the money or is it that she does not want to pay for the wedding, If she does not want to give you the money have a talk with your fiance and get help elsewhere.
Don't keep pushing your wedding back because other people.
Just set a date that is reasonable and start planning with out your mom, and let her decide on her own what she is going to do.
I hope you have a beatifull wedding. Just remember its about you and your fiance and the Love you share and the beginning of a whole new life.
2007-01-23 04:54:27 · answer #2 · answered by Christina L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that ... tough spot to be in. Could be lots of things. You say you mom makes enough money, but are you sure she doesn't have some bills you don't know about? No doubt she really wants the best for you and for you to have a wonderful wedding, try to remember that as you set a firm date (tell her it's firm) and go about planning. Reserve spaces you may need, print invitations and get the word out, that way she can't come to you to change the date again. Then, if it's a money problem she will need to come clean with you and you can scale back, talk to his family etc to cover the costs. Best of luck and congrats!
2007-01-23 04:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by magicman116 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you haven't had the best relationship with your mother and you knew this from the start, why did you allow her to take over your wedding? STOP playing this game with your mother-- it's not her-- it's YOU who are allowing it.
If you and your fiance have to rely on other people to pay for your party, you need to either do what you can afford yourselves, or postpone the wedding.
If you just want to get married, have a small wedding at a small church or in a garden and serve punch and cake if that's all you can afford.
But once stop counting on mommy to pay for your wedding, your complications will be minimal.
2007-01-23 04:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It was pretty contradictory of her to say one thing, but then disapear on you when it comes time to pay...if she says shes gonna pay, then she should follow through with it or not mention it at all. Its not fair for her to make you keep pushing things back for her to get stuff in order, I know my dad went to the bank on a wednesday and had the money to pay everything on friday....not like it takes that long!
I suggest perhaps talking to your fiance and see if hes willing to approach his parents and see, i wouldn't ask personally. If they say no, then either moms gonna have to cough it up or you guys better start writing checks if you want this to happen.
It kinda sux to have your big day tied to someone elses pocketbook, I'm glad you see that she doesn't have to pay, but I am sorry that she makin stuff hard for you! good luck!
2007-01-23 06:23:57 · answer #5 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't depend on anyone to give you money, because if you do you could get screwed over.
Pay for it all yourself, and if your mom wishes to donate then great!
You are not marrying your mom, you are marrying your groom. Set a date with him, stick to it, save up, and do it all yourself.
Sounds like your mom is not very dependable, and I would not trust her to give you money. Considering she's already made you push back the date several times, just cut her out of the picture and do what you two want to do.
2007-01-23 05:54:52 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel you are old/mature enough to get married -then surely you should have the maturity to be responsible for your own feelings & not """feel bad"" about your mothers actions.
your wedding day - whatever form that takes - should be a reflection of you & your fiance - so just go ahead & plan & pay for it your self for a date /time that you both choose.
these days the old traditions of who pays for things are no longer really applicable. Make the arrangements yourself ; then if either set of parents offers to pay for anything accept graciously- BUT dont expect them to do it.
set a budget for yourselves that you can afford - then if you do end up paying for the event yourself you have not overstretched your finances
2007-01-23 11:10:00 · answer #7 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should have realized that these days couples pay for their own weddings - and with the trouble you are going through, you can see why. I think you and your guy need to get together and plan things out differently, how you can budget yourselves and have a smaller wedding or change it the way you can afford it yourselves.
2007-01-23 08:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all you want to is to be married why are you stressing over a planned wedding. Go get married somewhere (Mexico, DRepublic, Hawaii, Vegas)have a small ceremony there come back and then throw a dance. You'll be married, had a nice honeymoon, will feel relaxed, refreshed and get to celebrate it again with family and friends.
To rely on your mother's generosity on her terms is not getting you any closer to being married, you have to set a plan and do it yourself, it all depends on how much YOU can afford.
2007-01-23 04:58:50 · answer #9 · answered by trojan 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Forget your mother's money and do things on your own. Talk everything out with your fiance and see if you two can make it work the way you want to without depending on anyone else for the most part. That'll be how the majority of your experience together will be, so it's probably best to now start with this.
2007-01-23 04:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by Answerer 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋