My girlfriend has a baby that is 15months old...My girlfriend also has a very bad little brother who is 5. I dont want to be in a relationship where the baby im trying to take care of, who isnt mine , has it in her to be a bad problem child. The baby and little brother have been living with each other for a while and I do see some characteristics of him in her... Should I waite to see how the baby acts around 2 or 3 yrs before making a decision? Also, would it be wrong for me to tell my girlfriend how I feel? How should I tell her ?
2007-01-23 04:40:58 · 22 answers · asked by jobruce86 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You'll have to weigh it all.
I was in a similar sitch a long time ago. The 5 year old is probably very frustrated at not having a dad around, and would probably need your support.
First and foremost, it's about your relationship with her.
And, if you do break up eventually, make sure it's because of HER and not the kids.
2007-01-23 04:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by Geico Caveman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the hell is wrong with you people? You don't sit around and wait to see if you want to raise this child or not. if your going to be in a serious relationship with the mother you cant just say "OK hes a problem child so i want nothing to do with him" also don't just sit around pretending to want something to do with the child for a year because weather you like it or not a year is a long time for a 15mo old, so while your deciding if you want anything to do with the kid the kid could be growing attached to you. then you just turn away, possibly causing the kid to ask what they did for this to happen when in fact it was your inability to responsible. doesn't matter if its yours or not, if you get into a situation where you have the well being of a child in that situation you have a responsibility not to screw it up even if its not yours. and yes tell you girlfriend how you feel, believe it or not her baby might be more important than you and she may not want to be with someone who cant decide if they want to do the right thing or not. Also of course your going to see some characteristics of him in her if that's who shes around most, shes a flippin baby they take the characteristics of what they see. it DOESN'T make then a bad child. For the love of Odin.
2007-01-23 09:27:37 · answer #2 · answered by sporkdeath 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my wife nearly 19 years ago. She was a widow with 3 children between 2 and 6. I was warned that the kids would be a problem, but I accepted that they (and all of their problems) would come as a package if I wanted to make a life with this woman. I made a commitment and have stayed through thick and thin. The kids all had serious problems getting through their teen years. The youngest is 21 years old now and is doing well. The older kids are way better today than they were just a year ago. It has not been easy, but I cannot imagine what it would have been like for my wife if she dealt with this by herself. Our bond has been strained many times, but it has never broken. I would make the same choice today knowing everything that I would have to go through because the love of this good woman made it all worthwhile.
2007-01-23 05:04:18 · answer #3 · answered by Andreas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a life changing decision! This is not about whether the brother is influencing the baby. This is about whether you are mature enough to commit yourself FOR LIFE to this little child, no matter what the influences are, or what the personal cost is to you, emotionally and financially.
When you love a child, you do not make that decision based on whether that child has the ability to cause problems. Children don't have a gene in them that makes them bad or good.
If you are just beginning this relationship, you need to step back and decide whether you want to be a father. This is not about how much you love the mom or the kid, but about your own stage of life. If you decide that you can do it, then you get to know the mom, with limited contact with the child, and decide if the mom is who you want to share life with. All those factors decided, THEN get involved in the child's life, and be the best influence you can.
2007-01-23 04:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by Loring 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the gf's baby is learning bad behavior from the gf's little brother, and gf is letting it happen. I think it would actually be RIGHT for you to tell her how you feel about it. Kindly explain to her that you're afraid her child is picking up bad habits from her brother and if she wants you to have a part in their lives, that she needs to start setting some rules and disciplining her child. It's not unreasonable. If you wait and the mother continues to not take actions against the bad behavior, the child will only get worse with influences like that around.
2007-01-23 04:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your girlfriend...then support her into being the best mother possible. I am sure the baby's uncle is influecing her behavior - but with proper guidance she doesn't need to follow in his footsteps. Don't wait around to see...the baby is the right age to be learning the proper ways.
Show her you love her by offering to take a parenting course or seminar together to learn just what makes a great parent. Make some of your dates about being a family and going to the park and all that. Praise that baby girl all you can when she is nice and polite so that she seeks out postive attention from you (men have a big influence on baby girls).
2007-01-23 04:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by bgmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because a baby is related to a bad child, it doesn't mean the baby is going to act bad. If, however, you are feeling that if the baby does turn out to be bad that you wouldn't love her, this relationship isn't for you. If you can't love your girlfriend's baby unconditionally, you shouldn't be pretending to act as a father figure to her. It isn't fair on the baby, your girlfriend, or yourself. Just sit your girlfriend down and tell her your worries. I expect she'll know what she feels about this and how to solve it.
2007-01-23 04:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by Emily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say find a new girlfriend. If you're having doubts now, it's only going to get worse because if you two get married, her family becomes your family and you'll have to deal with them the rest of your life. Why not find a stable, childless woman who will wait until marriage to have kids and then the two of you can be responsible adults and raise your kids in your own home?
2007-01-23 04:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by chnchita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we are all our own people. you should explain to the baby that she is herself and try to get her to behave. take her some place fun. play with her. do things with her like color or anything. tell your girlfriend how you feel about the baby acting like her little brother and see what she has to say about that. i would not tell her that you want to leave because of it. that is just mean. you should be there because you love her not because her child is well behaved.
2007-01-23 04:46:23 · answer #9 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this baby have a father? If so, I would be concerned about stepping on his toes.....
If not....Yes, you should talk to her now about this. If you are going to be in this baby's life, what does she want your role to be? It isn't appropriate for you to parent the bratty little brother, but in my opinion, if you're going to be around this child, and have some sort of responsibility to her, then better to know now than later.
2007-01-23 04:45:43 · answer #10 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋