I found out my sister has a different dad than I do. My parents don't know that I know. Advice please!?

Question

Ok, so I have a twin sister, and a sister that is 8 years older than us. When my twin and I were 7 years old (we are 25 now) we found our older sister's birth certificate and some other documents - which did not have our dad's name listed as the father. My twin and I kept it a secret all this time because we didn't know if our sister even knew that we had different dads. Since then we have found out (from our older sister) that not only she knows, but every single member of our family & extended family know, and my parents fabricated this huge lie for them to all tell us regarding why they waitied until my older sister was 4 to be married. So, our sister has felt like the big family secret all this time, and everyone in the family thinks that my twin and I do not know. I need help in figuring out how to break it to my parents. We feel like we need to tell them it is ok, we are not mad, but why did they do it. How how how to put it into words??? Pls no mean or hurtful comments.

Answer 1

I know where you are coming from, my whole life my parents fabricated a lie for me to believe that my "dad" was my real father . he is not, i am the oldest of 5 children and when i found out about my father through other family members, my mother begged me not to tell the others. i didnt tell them at first.

I eventually ended up telling 2 of my brothers the truth, and my sister and they took it suprisingly well. i ended up just saying to my mother that i had told them, she wasnt happy at first but she has to deal with it as these kinds of secrets really strain relationships.


I was scared that my brothers and sister would treat me differently or would think of me as only half their sister. i feel that is mabye why your parents have tried to keep this from you ...to try to protect your sister from being treated differently, eventually they knew that it would come out, but mabye they were waiting until you were older.

you just need to be upfront with your parents, keep a cool head, dont get all emotional and yell or cry. just say to your parents that you have a fair idea of the truth surrounding these events and that you accept it and that it wont change how you feel about your sister, but you feel you should know the truth.

I know that it is a big shock, and i wish you luck

Answer 2

first, take a deep breath, now relax. Go in and explain the dangers of not riding the appropriate bus or getting on another bus without telling someone. If need be, there are many articles on the internet that can show her what can happen by doing what she did. I.e. the bus driver didn't know she was on there and left for the day, the bus driver says, routes over, you have to get off here and she doesn't know where here is, the driver could have slipped through the cracks and has a criminal history of assaulting young girls. There are so many dangers of not being on the correct bus something could have easily have happened to her. When she did get on the bus, why didn't the driver demand a note from you or her teacher as to which bus she should be on. Our school district will not allow another child to ride a different bus (even to a friend's house) with out a written note from the parent and an oaky from the teacher. Check with your school about this policy. Ground her from TV/Video games etc for now.

Answer 3

As an adult now, you know that sometimes adults make decisions that aren't the best. Perhaps at the time your sister was alive and you weren't, they experienced pressure from family or society that they couldn't or didn't want to deal with and it just kind of snowballed from there.
If you think you would have a hard time confronting them then just write it down. Give your parents a note telling them that you know and that you aren't mad or anything. Remember that you don't have the right to ask them why they did it. It may not have been a good decision but it was theirs to make. They do, however owe the sister some kind of lead about her birth father because of medical history reasons. Good luck!

Answer 4

let your parent know that you are a family and the family secret can be save with you and your twin.let them know that it does not matter if you have different father or not,you have known her as your sister and that you love her for her and nothing will change that.
may be they are afraid of kids rivalry when they find out they have different father or mother,I'm sure they did it to make the family a one big happy family.
just ask in a polite way,by saying.mom and dad,you know of your sister's paternity and will want to know why it has been kept a secret from you and your twin even when the whole family member is aware of it.
I'm sure they will come out and let you know the truth.

Answer 5

I would sit your parents down and say...I know about your sister having a different father and it's ok* She will be taken aback surprised and shocked that you know and will ask how long you've known* You can then tell her....you came across it when you were 7......and ask her Why did you feel you needed to keep this from us?? It's ok* but i just don't understand. (Perhaps they felt you were too young to discuss it with you and the only father your sister really knew was your dad therefore it was never meant to be discussed* But yes......be Honest and let them know that you know...all your questions will be answered and they'll feel a sigh of relief that after all these years....its no longer a secret* Honesty will set you Free*~

Answer 6

You sound very mature and not offensive so how you wrote this question is how you need to bring it up to them. Tell them it is ok and that you are not mad at them, but you rather have no lies in family or secrets to that fact. Thats all it is.
I was in your situation, but here I have a different twist to it. I was told and my half sister was told by my aunt without my mothers permission that my biological father is not the father of my sister that is 3 y older then i am. Mind you we both didnt suspect anything, but whole family knew. I found out when i was 13 and she was 16. Now mind you my dad was always hated in a family so thats when i had whole family against me of course with exception of my mom and few other people that wer emature enough to realize i was just a child of a man that is alcoholic and abusive husband. It is not my fault. But hey my sis actually being just as young as me (teenagers you know) kept bragging that she is not part of my breed. Your situation is not as bad as it seems. I know you wish you knew it from your parents not by snooping and finding stuff, but they had to do it just like my family had to do it. Raise me and my sister like we are sisters. That is very important that noone feels left out or unwanted or stanger in a family. But now once you grew up you realize that so it is time to just bring it up to parents and let them know that you are mature enough to understand their actions. And that you still love your older sister and she is part of the family. :) Good luck!

Answer 7

You are 25 - that is old enough to interact as adults with your parents. Is it important for your parents to know you know? I am not one for lies myself, and find it liberating to not hide information. Your parents may feel the same - it had to be hard trying to keep the other family members from saying anything all these years. Your older sister should be the one to be PO-ed, what does she think about just clearing the air?

Answer 8

I don't think your sister was/is a huge secret....I think its a private issue between your sister and your parents. Plus...who raised her? If the answer is your dad....then that is who her dad is....

There are two kinds of fathers....the ones that donate sperm, and the ones that actually raise, love and cherish the child.

Just talk to your parents. Why it's a big deal to you, I don't know. You making this a huge issue is probably what is making your sister feel worse than she should.

Why make drama?

Answer 9

I think that the two of you need to sit down with your mom and have explain the situation to her and let her know how you feel to be duped all these years, so that everything get out in the open and you won't have any hard feelings against anyone.

Answer 10

I am sure it is hurtful that no one had ever been truthful, but it honestly is none of your business. I would just concentrate on your own lives and let you sister and your parents work this out for themselves. Don't create any more drama- it's not worth it.