hi im only 16 n im in a relationship w/a 20 yr ol guy.hes real cool n stf but th thin is he has tol me that he was in luv w/this grl b4 n she lft him cuz she wantd 2 get married real erly n he didnt.his xcuze-they wer 2 young.now weve only wnt ou 4 a week or so but hes like mr.rite 4 any grl,seriously n i really like him.tho wenevr we go out he has 2 mention his x n he stl has her pix on his phone.....shud i b worried? at 1st i thot she was competition 4 me but wen i saw her pic i nu that wasnt true but wat els is it thn?plz hlp,im vry yng 2 b dealn w/this kinda drama...
2007-01-23 04:08:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a tough one for experienced adults to handle. (I might mention we got experienced by having a few of them to handle, and didn't always get it right.) The crux of it is: how do you tell if he's still in love with her and would drop you (hurting you horribly) without much thought if she decides to change her mind about him (she did drop him you know, not the other way around) OR if he's just a sweet guy who can't stop loving and caring on a dime but has to withdraw gradually?
When experienced adults deal with other experienced adults, we can usually bring up the questions and talk about them. You gauge his answers and use your experience to guess about whether he's lying to you or himself about what he thinks and whether he's wrong about anything, no matter what he thinks. Then you decide based on your take on it all.
You have neither that experience, nor an experienced adult in him to deal with so you have huge trouble! I cannot advise you to get out of it simply for that reason though. You have to deal with life's curves to learn how to recognize troubles and handle them. Back out because it's tough and you will never be adept at handling human relationships and that will hurt in so many ways in your lifetime. That said, you have to also learn when to back away from a situation that is just to complex or hard to handle with you current skills and that also has the capacity to hurt you much more than the likely benefits. Very hard to handle with a world of hurt just around the corner is a bad recipe.
This IS something you can evaluate successfully where the underlying questions about the two of them you really can't expect to get right without a lot of luck. I think you should concentrate here and decide, then stick out whichever decision you make.
As far as that goes though, in figuring the likelihood of wicked pain and hurt and the difficulties you will encounter, figure in as well your age and how that restricts the relationship the two of you can have, figure in the lies you told him on the net (I always look at someone's other questions when answering something like this one) about your age and what your life is like, whether it's likely he would risk the legal trouble you have already forced on him, how your parents will mix in, and finally, a rough thought or two about your own stability of feeling (lol, a nice way of saying your fickleness) — after all the drama, will you lose interest in a few months? (That's another side of the coin. YOU could hurt HIM, casually and without care, by your choice.)
Supposedly, he has no idea how old you are. That may or may not really be true. One thing he could be doing is playing you into trying harder and harder to please him and keep him. And harder. He talks (lies) about a girl who just dumped him, you work hard to make him want you (yeah, I mean you are all sweet and overlook his more-than-occasional rudenesses AND I mean you stick things in your mouth that you might have held off on for much longer), and then harder still. And harder. All the time he knew everything and just wanted you accepting anything.
That's something you usually cannot know at all. It is something to keep in mind, to think about now and then with a truly critical eye. Ask yourself along the way: Did I put out awfully fast? Is he careless of my well-being, late for dates, not paying me proper attention, a bit mean sometimes? Does he beg off for implausible reasons, or several of them that seem ok by themselves sort of add up to implausibility? After a while, you might be able to get a good answer. Or he might admit to it.
Lastly, it IS possible to know someone is Mr./Mrs. Right after only hours or a week. It ISN'T likely though. You know? Not likely at all. I simply have to point out that anyone a girl describes, after knowing him a week, as "mr.rite 4 any grl" is almost certainly not! The kind of man who appeals like that is almost always a sexy, even "dangerous" fellow with quick words, a powerful look that penetrates you to your jelly core and knows how to kiss. What he usually doesn't know is how to treat you decently, how to love you and be loyal to you and how to turn down the MANY girls who would die to be his. Again, "usually" "often" lol, honestly? "most of the time." But then, not always. Being an adult is tough and filled with this kind of uncertainty and even more so with wishful thinking being mistaken for careful thought.
Good luck my dear. Remember this: no matter what you do and what turns out, if it is bad, even realllllly BAD, you will recover and you will overcome. It may be hard (can you say "baby"?), it may be messy ("Ask Jessica out... she's a slut and is good at..."), people may never trust you again ("I swear mom, he's not like XXX, he's 17 and...") and for a while you may not think much of yourself either. But you will recover and you will overcome and you will know more about yourself and others afterward. And it could go well too. Not very likely, but...
2007-01-23 05:05:20 · answer #1 · answered by roynburton 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I was sixteen when i got pregnant with my eldest, 17 when i had him. I was 19 when i had my youngest! My advice to you is to be 110% sure in your own mind before you tell anybody, including your parents. I had a termination when i was 15, it was the best thing to do at the time, that child wouldnt have had half the thing and love that my boys have now. Government "assistance" is all well and good, but do u really want to just get by and for your child not to have everything??? You also have to remember that once the novely of having a new baby wears off with family and also your boyfriend you are going to be the one left struggling to get by, the government does not provide "assistance" emotionally or give you a break when theres nobody there to help you, or when youve spent up and the poor baby is out of nappies or grown out of clothes. It is my opinion that if you yourself cannot provide a roof, a stable relationship and put food on the table then you are in no position to care for and be soley responsible for a child. On the other hand i understand how hard it is to choose, heartbreaking even, i can see both sides. Having a baby at your age is hard! Always remember it is your body and your choice!
2016-05-24 01:01:23 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jessica, You are right, you are too young to be dealing with this kind of drama. Obviously he still has strong feelings for his ex and would drop you like a hot potato if she came back around. No matter how perfect he may seem right now you need to realize he has stronger feelings for his ex than he does for you. Take it slow and easy, enjoy some time together but don't get at all serious. You might want to keep you eyes open for another guy to spend time with too.
2007-01-23 04:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by magicman116 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why is a 20 year old dateing a 16 year old, you have to think about that first before anythng else, for many reasons one its illigal, and two hes so far more mentally further than you are, three why cant he get a girl his own age there would be more freedom with that. But if you look past all that yea your in trouble if she ever returns.
2007-01-23 04:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, this is a man who is looking for what is called in the business a "rebound". He's still in love with someone else (no matter how pretty you think she is) and is dating a child far too young for him in order to boost his confidence. He knows how much you idolize him and he loves it.
A real relationship is between two equals and you two definitely are not. You deserve better than this.
2007-01-23 04:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
before committing to a relationship, please learn the english language. Your grammar is absolutely terrible and if you grow up talking like this, no respectable company will hire you...
Unless you want to make minimum wage for the rest of your life
2007-01-23 04:13:48 · answer #6 · answered by jack_daniels 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok this is not about her not being cute, he loves her and thats the reason he cant stop talking about her
2007-01-23 04:15:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what u feel
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2007-01-23 04:17:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋