I am 23 and my boyfriend is 24, we have been together for 2 years and moved to a different state on our own, and have our own place. He is my absolute best friend, we talk about anything and everything, we do everything together. We have talked about our own goals and dreams and we both want many of the same things. We have talked marriage and I am SOO excited if/when he does decide to propose. But part of me is kind of scared too, how can I be sure he is the one? Can I be sure? Is it normal to have some doubts (I really don't want to say 'doubts' I guess I just mean...is it normal to have some questions of whether he is the right one for the rest of my life)? How did you feel before you got married or engaged? What was your relationship like? Thanks in advance for everyone's advice
2007-01-23 03:40:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He was my best friend, now he is my worst enemy, i barely recognize him anymore!
I hope you make a better choice than the one I did!:(
2007-01-23 03:48:58 · answer #1 · answered by Angela Vicario 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you will never "know" how the future will turn out. Thinking in terms of him being "the one" implies that somehow there's this one and only person that you're "meant" to be with - when in reality what it really means is whether or not you two are compatible, mature, respectful of each other, and willing to accept each other, to build up on the positives, and slowly work on the negatives. Don't be scared of taking the big step just because you have some "second thoughts". You are probably responding to the realization that there are no guarantees when it comes to the important decisions in life - and you're right, there aren't any, there can be none. Don't let this fact alone stop you from living your life and making the best possible decision under the circumstances. Yes, there are a lot of risks associated with giving yourself over completely to another person; but the rewards are great, too. Taking risks is an integral part of living, don't let it get to you too much, just look at it as a part of the bargain. That is not to say that you need to close your eyes to some potential problems in your relationship; on the contrary, be honest with yourself in evaluating the negatives, don't hope they will just go away. The problems will not go away, and if you familiarize yourself with them and accept things that cannot be changed, it will do a lot to promote a healthy relationship down the road. My husband and I lived together for a year before getting engaged and getting married. We had some "tugs of war" as we established ourselves in this new relationship. By the time we got married, tho, all the wrinkles seemed to have been ironed out; we understand and respect each other's thought process, even though we don't always agree on things. I would say, marriage strengthened our relationship; I'll be honest, we got a little stressed out when planning the wedding, trying to make everyone happy (which proved impossible, but what can you do) - but once this was over with, we suddenly had all this time to ourselves, and it was very enjoyable to feel that we are now "a family". I think, both of us are now much more confident that the other person "means business" (before, there was a lot of "testing the waters", "what if he/she will get tired of me", just general uncertainty). Plus, our families are much happier now that this is "official" (especially hy MIL, who's very religious). So, it's been good all around. I wish you the best of luck, don't be too scared, just use your common sense, and do what feels "right".
2007-01-23 04:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I knew the day I met my hubby. He was exactly what I was looking for! We got engaged a year later and I was soo happy about it. It made us closer for sure. I didn't have any doubts. We were married 8 months later and I couldn't have been happier. He is my best friend and does so much for me. Its Ok to be scared but be sure he is the right one you. If you have no interest in other men and you look at your fiance and see the rest of your life then you know he is the one for you. Things are going towork! Marriage is a beautiful thing and the romance, love and friendship shouldnt end once you say I DO!
2007-01-23 05:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kara 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My Husband and I have married since Dec 06 we were engaged about 2 years before getting married and the funny thing is he was at work one day and I called and said let's get married next week and he was like ok ,even though we have been together for 6 years once we got married the only thing that really changed is calling him my husband
2007-01-23 04:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by Taylor T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so normal to have doubts and questions about your future together, especially considering your ages. I was nervous a week before my wedding day and I questioned it a few times if I was doing the right thing. But on my wedding day I was cool as a cucumber and knew I was marrying the right man for me. Just remember to keep the lines of communications open and be honest with one another.
2007-01-23 03:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about how marriage will change things in your life. Think about how you wont be able to really party (if you're a party person), this will be the last person you ever sleep with again and that every decision that will need to be made wont be your decision alone. Think about how you guys will argue (but still make up), and you'll have your moments where you thinhow you got yourself in this situation, and if after all that you think that you would still love to be married to him and that he's the person your want to be happy or fight with for the rest of your life, then he's your one. That's how I looked at it with my husband. I hated argueing with him when we were dating but when it came down to married, I thought about everything...the good and the bad, and I realized that there wasn't anyone else I wanted to go through that with. After getting married to him and 1 1/2 kids later (still pregnant) I know I made the right choice.
2007-01-23 04:00:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is totally better than just dating. We didn't live together, since we didn't believe in that, so marriage together was starting everything totally new together, in a commitment which was just wonderful. We are married over 17 years, and though we've been through tough times, things are better than ever - we are totally in love, have a great family, and love each other more each day.
If you are having doubts, that's a big red flag.
2007-01-23 08:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I started out as business associates, I was a sales rep and his company was a large accout of mine. We had a nice business relationship, that turned into a great friendship. We then started dating, and decided together to take it to a committed relationship. My best advice to you.... marriage will not change who the both of you are, make sure you love the person he is right now. When you are lucky enough to find someone that has seen the good, bad and ugly, and loves you wholly, you have a keeoper. Good Luck!
2007-01-24 03:11:15 · answer #8 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Our relationship didn't change. He is the same person I met 7 years ago. We have been married 3 years.I'm happy to say I know I made the right choice. Good Luck with everything.Most people adjust after getting married, for us it was the same, we lived together.
2007-01-23 06:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by J*A*K*C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say living together and getting use to some else's dirty habits and ways of living is the hardest step......
We lived together for little less then a year and it still makes me made when he doesn't check to make sure the toilet is 100% clean after a flush.... and don't get me started on him leaving his socks around..... but engagement- pretty much the as it was before.
2007-01-23 03:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was great before and remains great afterwards - been married over a year now, together for almost 4 years total. Neither of us ever had doubts - we just knew it was right. If your doubts are intense, you might want to consider really paying attention to them - it may be a sign.
2007-01-23 08:25:30 · answer #11 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋