Yesterday my partner was eagerly wanting to know at what time I was going to be getting out of the office today, I thought hey it is his day off he is probably planning nice little lunch/dinner for us. Well no it turns out that he is planning to have all of his co-workers for a “volleyball game at our place” and a cook out I told him that I might be getting out early and will be going to the gym instead of joining them. I don’t know why this bothers me so much! I am so upset I need some advice pronto! I think what gets me is the fact that a couple of years back he was very jealous of me having friendships with guys that I have completely dropped them and now I feel lonely while he is having nice quality time with his large group of friends.
2007-01-23 03:37:53 · 17 answers · asked by Just ME 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
To him, he's a 'man' and deserves to have (male) friends and possibly also female friends, but you are 'his woman' and should have ONLY HIM. YOU have a CHOICE, however ... you can start to make friends on your own ... with his friends if you want your marriage to work, or new friends of your own that you keep to yourself if you don't. I'm guessing that you want something in between, so you need to do the 'in between' and make friends with his friends, and make a few 'new friends' of your own that you can share with him.
I'm married and I have LOTS of friends, but I don't 'see them' at all ... they're pen-friends that I exchange letters with. 'AT HOME" I have only ONE REAL FRIEND, my husband, and I am also his only ONE REAL FRIEND, too ... but I admit that we are probably 'weird' because neither of us likes anyone else as much as we like each other. Weird, maybe, but it is EXTRMELY GOOD, too.
2007-01-23 04:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand to a point why you feel this way. However it is you who gave in to him about your friends rather than fighting for what you feel was right. It is great that were you were able to compromise but this was something you obviously felt strongly about. So by being submissive you created this resentment towards him as you put blame on him as to why your friends are long gone. So now that he has friends you wonder why he don't have the same rules. Possibly because you didn't stress his friends so he don't see a problem. Your frustration is valid but at the same time would you put such a demand over his head. Especially knowing how he made you feel regarding this. You seem to be keeping alot of your personal feelings to yourself or else your partner would know how you feel. You could actually try to use this situation to your advantage. You could go home and enjoy yourself with him and his friends. Have a good time. Then when all has gone home you will have the perfect time to discuss this with him. Approach him with the intentions of talking rather then fighting and getting mad. If you plan on being with your partner for a long time you should try to be more open and honest with him. It will save alot of pain and frustration down the road. Besides it is a great feeling to know your spouse is with you rather then against you. You might not always agree in which you've already shown your willing to compromise. Just make sure that when you do compromise, your not compromising yourself. Give and take for the best of eachother. Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-01-23 12:26:23 · answer #2 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a jealous girl and still am to some aspect... but I know what you are talking about, I used to have all these friends, and one by one I dropped them, and so did he, but now it seems that he has this whole other life at work, and I have no idea who these new people are that he speaks of and they have inside jokes and so on, and It makes feel really left out and a little jealous, like he can have friends but I cant type of thing. So I think you are being normal, but to others they may think you are weird and should join the fun. So good luck.
2007-01-23 11:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he got jealous of your friends then now is the time to show him a good example and accept his friends as yours. It would have been nice if you would have joined them in volley ball, you probably would have had some fun. Let him know that you are glad he invited his friends and how much you enjoyed them, then next time you can also include your friends also. Hope this all works out for you.
2007-01-23 11:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That sounds very plausible... however, I think there is more to it than that! I think that you are upset - because he didn't ASK YOU FIRST! He just invited people over to the house, and assumed it would work into your plans!
I would say - talk to him about it... tell him how you feel... and then begin making friends yourself - maybe start at the gym.
Who knows - maybe you will like the people that he works with, and you ALL could hang out!
2007-01-23 11:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by Glory 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell him that you feel uncomfortable around him and all of his friends. You can also invite some of your female friends to some of his cook outs so that you can have someone to talk to IF anything goes wrong. No matter what you have to confront him about the situation and how you feel about it. Honesty goes a REALLY LONG WAY!!!! Good luck! Have a wonderful year!
2007-01-23 11:46:42 · answer #6 · answered by Bad 33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Gabby. You sound like you have past resentments going on. I mean 2 years ago was a long time ago. A lot has changed over that time. So if you feel a bit jealous, maybe you are insecure with your partner..Maybe...
2007-01-23 11:44:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bill & Janet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER break off friendships due to a partner's jealousy. Your friends were there first, getting you to ditch your friends is the first sign of control issues. You want to be with someone who controls you? I hope not. You go call one of your long lost friends... you gotta take care of yourself and your own needs, and we all need to have friends outside of the relationship. If your "partner" doesn't like it, consider this, jealousy is a sign that he doesn't trust you. Decide if you want to be with someone who makes you so unhappy.
2007-01-23 11:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by zmj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is silly to feel that way! If he were having a female coworker over for a candle lit dinner I could see you getting jealous.
But he is having a group of people over for a volleyball game for crying out loud!
Don't be this way... join them and have a good time. He is trying to include you.
2007-01-23 11:44:42 · answer #9 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't learn to trust you, you may want to consider re-evaluating your relationship. He doesn't get to control who your friends are. If he feels jealous, maybe he should get to know them and make friends with them so he understands.
Good friends are precious, and you shouldn't have to leave people you care about and be lonely because this guy is insecure.
2007-01-23 11:47:56 · answer #10 · answered by KC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋