They are teens, girl 15, boy 17. I have been with their dad for 7 yrs and married 2 yrs. They live with us every other week. They talk to their mom like she is their slave. She does anything they want her to, including lying for them.
Their father has rules, but is very loving to them.
The problem is how they treat me when he is not around.
Disrespectful, rude, and downright mean sometimes.
Then when their father is around they act nice. Their Dad is aware of it but can't do much if he isn't there. I have tried to confront them but they argue and deny. I feel sorry for their mother when they are with her, but feel she created this mess. I don't know if I should get tough, or just avoid them. Any ideas?
2007-01-23 03:32:31 · 10 answers · asked by Ellyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of hats off to you for putting up with them. A lot of times children may act out for the simple fact of their parents not being together. But being rude is one thing and being disrespectful is another no one deserves to be disrespected in their home and their father should have that much respect for you to let them know that it will no be tolerated. Children are products of their parents they may think it is ok to disrespect you because he never addresses the situation properly. And I know you said you feel sorry for their mother but like you said she created the mess so she has to be the one to clean it up along with their father. Most of the time when children act out there is usually a bigger problem than u think. Continue to do what you have been doing don't be mean to them continue to be nice but don't kiss their *** Be a positive role model and give respect and they should come around.
2007-01-23 04:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a problem that needs to be addressed by both you and your husband in a family meeting. Don't be accusatory just explain how you feel and ask that they consider your feelings. Your Husband (Their Dad needs to explain that you are his wife and even though they are not your biological children you are responsible for their care when they are with you and it is important to him for them to respect you and abide by the rules when he is there and when he is not. If they disrespect you after this just remind them that their father has ask that they not act that way.Trust is earned not demanded so it takes time. Respect is given and can only follow trust so don't get discouraged keep a good attitude and make good decisions involving them they will come to trust you and then as they see that you really do care they will begin to respect you. Set guidelines and boundaries . don;t cut down their mother and don't try to replace her. Be who you are . Their father's wife and helpmate and their friend and helper.
2007-01-23 03:52:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your no longer the subject.... their mommy death is the subject. it would desire to be you or the different woman and that they could likely have a similar reaction. top now they resent you, the different 2 youngsters (because of the fact they have their mommy) and in all hazard many different issues. They have been old adequate that the death effected them heavily. i think of family contributors scientific care could be a large concept. i'm one for punishing whilst my youngsters (I do have a 9 365 days previous step son whom I boost) yet i believe this occasion demands that at circumstances, yet till the real subject concerns are dealt with, this is not in any respect going to artwork. they might have dealt with their mommy death, even though it brings up all new subject concerns once you come into the image. and then the two different toddlers. My step son now and returned resents his brothers because of the fact their mom is often around no matter what, even although i manage him as my own and experience that he's my son. it is likewise harde because of the fact they are older than the different 2 youngsters and get dealt with in a distinctive way because of the age diffeence and hence get punished in a distinctive way too. We even have this concern with my 9 365 days. previous step son. His brothers are 5, 4 and 6 months. he purely does not look to get that he is going to be punished in a distinctive way that the 5 & 4 365 days. previous because of the fact what he does is distinctive and demands a distinctive punishment (even although he gets defined this for all time and advised that whilst they are his age they are going to be dealt with the way he's now). it is tough and that i desire you all the terrific.
2016-11-01 02:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These guys are walking all over you. You and their mother have to lay down some rules; then stick to them.
If possible, plant a hidden camera, say in the kitchen. Capture on tape the way the treat their mother (don't worry about how they treat you for the moment) then show the tape to the father. This way he can see for himself what is really going on. It may be all it takes.
2007-01-23 04:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I would talk to their father. Tell him you will not be treated like this, and ask what he feels is your "boundaries" (ie can you punish them). Make sure you tell him that you will not be the "wicked stepmother" but you will not let them get away with treating you badly. Then, sit down for a "family meeting." Let your husband tell his children that while in your house, you and he are the boss, and if they don't listen there will be consequences. It needs to be him to tell him so they know they he agrees with you. You need to get your husband on your side so they don't complain to him that you are trying to take over as the parent; rather you are presenting a united front. Don't "confront" them, punish them.
I was always taught you have to give respect to get respect. Even as a young adult, if someone didn't respect me then I didn't have to give any more respect back. But these kids haven't earned your respect yet (or they wouldn't treat you like that). Let them know that until they do, it's going to be different.
2007-01-23 03:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suggest that you have a talk with your Husband regarding this matter because avoiding his kids would definitely be the wrong solution, especially since their a part of his family and yours too because you married him. Let him know how they treat you and how that makes you feel. Just because their his kids does'nt mean you deserve to be treated as such. Suggest a family meeting and find out why they treat you that way and try to work things out. A good idea too, would be to involve their Mother as well, if she 's the cooperative type and you don't mind. When it comes to children I believe that we should be able to put our differences aside for the greater good of both families. Easier said then done, I know, but don't subject yourself to such treatment.-Talk things out and don't avoid them, it may do more harm than good!!!
2007-01-23 04:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get tough with them or they are going to keep this up and let your husband know that under no circumstances are you going to tolerate his kids being rude and disrespectfull to you . You are their father's wife there fore you are owed respect and you are an authority figure in this household . They may get away with that crap with their mother but not with you . when you tell them this make sure their father is in the same room so that they do not go to him and tell him stories about what happened . He may just take their side . But what would you rather have a well respected life or a life of being a door mat to your husband's kids and also this may cause friction in your marriage mean that your husband may choose his kids over you but that is something that you may have to prepare yourself for but at least you know you tried . good luck.
2007-01-23 03:48:41 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you all need to sit down and have a "family" talk and find out the root to as to why they feel the "need" to be disrespectful. If it is because they think you will leave the picture then explain to them that you are not leaving and they need to act more respectful to you and don't "try" to be their "mother" but let them know that you will be there for them when they need to be. Tell them you are not the enemy and don't try to discipline them you are already the outsider. good luck
2007-01-23 03:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by Dia M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all tell your husband what is going on, and then come down on them, show them that they can't push you around, disapline is a beautiful thing, use it, discuss the issues with your husband and come up with an idea for fixing it, don't shut them out, they need to fix the problem they have because it can lead to worse problems in the future with their own familys and possibly their jobs.
2007-01-23 03:46:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tape recorders and video cameras work wonders!
2007-01-23 03:56:19 · answer #10 · answered by Sasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋