Ambush on parents, or a genius idea to avoid immediate guilt trip about wedding?

Question

Since they already have a VERY good idea we are planning this:

Should we tell our parents of destination wedding upon first meeting; they never met before .... tell them of our plans at first meeting?

My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding and not invite ANYONE, including our parents.

My parents divorced over 20 years ago and still HATE each other. Both have re-married since then. My fiance's parents are still married and would really like us to have a TRADITIONAL wedding, as would my mother and my grandmother.

While they have an idea of our plans, we are thinking of having them (my mother and stepfather and his parents) meet for the first time for dinner and announce our wedding plan.

We think that they are less likely to get overly upset in the presence of future in-laws, and this will allow them to let the news settle in for a little while.

Is this an ambush to spring it on them like this, or a good idea, so we don't get a guilt trip?

We have been engaged for 5 months, have told them.

We don't want ANY money from anyone, and will have a small informal reception when we return with wedding pictures on display.

We just don't know how to crush their dreams of our wedding. There is no way we can invite them - 20 plus years of their hatred would ruin OUR day.

Answer 1

Tell them as soon as possible, but please don't leave them out of the wedding. You are the ones who will feel guilty if you do and you will hear about it for years. Invite your parents. If they can't make it to the destination, that's their problem.