Since they already have a VERY good idea we are planning this:
Should we tell our parents of destination wedding upon first meeting; they never met before .... tell them of our plans at first meeting?
My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding and not invite ANYONE, including our parents.
My parents divorced over 20 years ago and still HATE each other. Both have re-married since then. My fiance's parents are still married and would really like us to have a TRADITIONAL wedding, as would my mother and my grandmother.
While they have an idea of our plans, we are thinking of having them (my mother and stepfather and his parents) meet for the first time for dinner and announce our wedding plan.
We think that they are less likely to get overly upset in the presence of future in-laws, and this will allow them to let the news settle in for a little while.
Is this an ambush to spring it on them like this, or a good idea, so we don't get a guilt trip?
2007-01-23 02:53:10 · 10 answers · asked by Advice Please 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have been engaged for 5 months, have told them.
We don't want ANY money from anyone, and will have a small informal reception when we return with wedding pictures on display.
We just don't know how to crush their dreams of our wedding. There is no way we can invite them - 20 plus years of their hatred would ruin OUR day.
2007-01-23 03:03:53 · update #1
Congrat's to both of you. This is your day and you should be aloud to celebrate it how you want. If both sets of parents love you, both would understand. If not it is there loss not yours. You had also mentioned that you are planning a party afterwards that should be enough. All that matters is that you both are together in this and are getting married. To insure they were thought of on ur destination wedding take alot of pics and video. If possible bring the pictures and video and have a show at the party so they do feel they were included. Let them know that you both considered the expenses and that you both thought of this as part of the honeymoon as well. Your families should both be happy for you both and enjoy the party afterwards. I would also send them each a little note thanking them for a great wedding present of understanding and love. Good luck
2007-01-23 03:43:01 · answer #1 · answered by rumtumm69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would advise you not to break the news at this dinner. I think it would upset both sets of parents to have hear it in that setting when they've only just met each other. Those types of dinners can be awkward enough without the added pressure of having to sit there and "compose yourself" when you may be feeling hurt or angry.
I think it's kinder to tell each set of parents in person and let them feel how they feel. You cannot control the way they react to the news. All you can do is explain your decision in a calm and clear way. You don't have to accept guilt for your decision. But don't try to talk them out of their feelings or convince them there's nothing to be upset about. It's likely that the parents (especially the moms) have been imagining and looking forward to their child's wedding for many years. It's going to be difficult make the shift to a mental picture that doesn't include themselves.
Maybe you can offer a sort of compromise by having a reception back home after you return from the wedding?
Best of luck to you and your family!
2007-01-23 03:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whooooo - good luck! if all the people you are inviting to dinner for their first meeting all agree that they want a traditional wedding, then they might all just jump you two in public (now that they have a "common enemy" you may succeed in uniting them) and that would be a little uncomfortable, no?
as an alternative, you could say, plan a destination wedding and invite ONLY your parents & grandparents and any siblings. and explain why you do not want the whole "traditional" thing... but best of luck with that - i wanted an informal barbeque at an outside park venue, and that was totally quashed by my husband and his family who talked him into having the whole sit-down dinner thing...
if you really want a destination wedding without any other attendants, you are going to have to elope, and just tell everyone after.
2007-01-23 03:06:22 · answer #3 · answered by SmartAleck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our daughter had a small destination wedding with a reception in our city when she returned. My husband and I went to the wedding. But actually, my mom was the big problem. She resented that she and my dad, as the bride's grandparents, would not be at the wedding. Whenever she started in on this, our daughter said "yeah", and changed the subject, eventually bringing things around to plans for the reception. We had a photographer at the reception, and he took pictures of relatives with the bride and groom. It was wonderful. Do things your way. Don't let others dictate to you, particularly if you are paying for it yourselves. Good luck.
2007-01-23 04:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that your wedding is "Your" day, but your parents whether you like it or not got you where you are today. Its unfair of you and rude of you to not allow anyone to join you in what will be one of the biggest days of your life. I am more than sure that your parents would suck it up and be civil at the chance of seeing you walk down the aisle. It only happens once you know (or should anyway) It would be very rude to do all this and on top of that ambush them so you dont get a reaction you dont like. You asked the question sorry if you dont like the answer!
2007-01-23 04:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by Tamra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ambush them and then ban them from the wedding, you will probably regret that forever. Perhaps you could inform them about your plans for the destination wedding, and then state that you would love for whoever is able to attend, on the condition that they act like adults and are ready to set aside their differences for a few days in order to support their child.
2007-01-23 03:06:07 · answer #6 · answered by snapoutofit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Husband and I did not tell anyone we just when off and got married. Yes there was so hurt feeling but it was OUR Wedding not theirs. I would not have change it. My brother and sister-in-law end up have 3 wedding just to make everyone happy. You need to do what is best for you. No matter what you do you are going to get a guilt trip.
2007-01-23 03:04:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first...don't tell anyone of your wedding date.
second...wait until the VERY LAST minute...like the day before to tell them of your destination wedding. by waiting until the last minute that doesn't give anyone a chance to get tickets to join you and your husband.
but you and your man have to stand your ground as far as not telling anyone your plans. you can say that it's going to be a suprise (not all suprises are good...but they don't need to know this information). then on the day before you two leave or on the day you leave...you can tell them the suprise that you two have decided to go on a destination wedding and to not invite anyone. yes...their feelings will be hurt...but it's not their life. it's yours and it's also your wedding and how you want it. if they throw fits...too bad. let them stay mad while you and your hubby enjoy your wedding/honeymoon without family. :o)
2007-01-23 03:01:11 · answer #8 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is your wedding ceremony, no longer theirs. traditionally, maximum individuals think of of weddings as a social gathering of two families coming at the same time to celebrate their turning out to be a member of. Do what is going to make you and your destiny husband happy. while you will be able to harm some thoughts, purely clarify to them that it is a few thing the two one in all you desperate could be top for you. beneficial, you will be able to get much less wedding ceremony provides, yet it is meant to be your happy day. Having dad and mom and in-regulations squabbling won't make for a happy day. I watched one in all my terrific acquaintances get married, and her divorced dad and mom went at it in the process the reception. The bride became in tears, and that i ultimately had to get inn protection to throw the bride's mom out of the area. It became undeniable undesirable. take exhilaration on your day. you will get a guilt holiday no matter what, yet you will recover from it rather rapid. start up your new existence at the same time on a happy observe, and recognize which you're commencing your guy or woman family contributors, and that your dad and mom and in-regulations will grow to be of lots lesser value.
2016-11-01 02:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BAD IDEA. You'll ruin the whole evening. Better to tell everyone individually, THEN plan a family get-together.
PS. Don't expect anyone else to pay for your wedding plans.
2007-01-23 02:59:51 · answer #10 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋