Should we tell our parents of destination wedding upon first meeting; they never met before .... tell them of our plans at first meeting?
My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding and not invite ANYONE, including our parents.
My parents divorced over 20 years ago and still HATE each other. Both have re-married since then. My fiance's parents are still married and would really like us to have a TRADITIONAL wedding, as would my mother and my grandmother.
While they have an idea of our plans, we are thinking of having them (my mother and stepfather and his parents) meet for the first time for dinner and announce our wedding plan.
We think that they are less likely to get overly upset in the presence of future in-laws, and this will allow them to let the news settle in for a little while.
Is this an ambush to spring it on them like this, or a good idea, so we don't get a guilt trip?
They already have a VERY good idea we are planning this.
2007-01-23 02:51:34 · 9 answers · asked by Advice Please 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
We have been engaged for 5 months, have told them.
We don't want ANY money from anyone, and will have a small informal reception when we return with wedding pictures on display.
We just don't know how to crush their dreams of our wedding.
2007-01-23 03:00:57 · update #1
I'd say that's a good plan for telling them. Don't approach it like you're dropping a bomb, be more like, "Oh, and we've narrowed down a plan for the wedding..."
2007-01-23 03:13:04 · answer #1 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait for them to bring it up. They will undoubtably ask you about what you had in mind for the wedding. Then mention it casually. And tell them this is what you would want.
Weddings are special events and everyone wants to celebrate the union with you. So a lot of people will probably be disapointed. However, as long as you have a reception when you return, I think everyone will be satisfied. Your parents just want to be with you when you make this decision. And cutting them out completely would be a huge mistake. But to have a reception with your closest friends and relatives would make everyone feel as if you have included them in your new lives.
2007-01-23 04:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by angelhair_007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a good idea at all. They'll already be nervous about meeting the future in-laws, and then you'll spring on them the news that'll break their expectations for the wedding? It sounds like it'll be the worst night of their lives. When hearing disappointing news, people aren't at their best. I think they'd appreciate the opportunity to react to the news when they aren't in front of people they want to make a good impression on. Tell them about your plans before the meeting. If you don't dare tell them in person or on the phone, write them a letter.
Personally, I think it's sad that you don't want them to be at the wedding. That speaks volumes about your family situation. Happiness in your future!
2007-01-23 03:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont' tell them at the meeting, if your future mother in-law wants a traditional wedding, she might get very upset and break down and cry. I think you should tell your parents yourself and him his. The guilt trip is unavoidable so why ruin what should be a lovely evening.
2007-01-23 03:10:56 · answer #4 · answered by NeonLoveChicken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is your wedding ceremony, no longer theirs. traditionally, maximum human beings imagine of weddings as a celebration of two households coming jointly to have a good time their turning out to be a member of. Do what is going to make you and your destiny husband chuffed. at the same time as you would possibly want to smash some emotions, merely clarify to them that that is a few thing both of you determined might want to be correct for you. effective, you would possibly want to get a lot less wedding ceremony can provide, yet that is meant to be your chuffed day. Having mothers and fathers and in-regulations squabbling received't make for a contented day. I watched one among my maximum acceptable acquaintances get married, and her divorced mothers and fathers went at it in the course of the reception. The bride become in tears, and that i ultimately had to get hotel safe practices to throw the bride's mom out of the position. It become undeniable poor. savour your day. you're going to get a guilt vacation no count number what, yet you receives over it exceptionally quick. start up your new existence jointly on a contented word, and comprehend that you're starting up your own kinfolk, and that your mothers and fathers and in-regulations will develop into of a lot lesser importance.
2016-12-02 22:46:07 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is such a stressful time when it is supposed to be a happy time. Your situation sounds even more difficult.
If I were you I would get married without telling your families and then tell them once you are married.
2007-01-23 02:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them about your plans. Go have your very privite weeding then come home and have a reception for the family.
2007-01-23 02:55:21 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea. If they misbehave you can leave them out of your decision making process.
2007-01-26 02:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by pnn177 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
totally agree with jessica h. tell them your great news and then come back and celebrate with you families & friends, congrats!
2007-01-23 02:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋