How do u deal with a obnoxious, non-intellectual & "conservative-Christian" retired father-in-law?

Question

He makes comments about my own dad, whom he calls "smooth" because he is very polite & diplomatic, unlike himself who is like a bull in a china shop, always calling my neighbors "a**holes" because they parked too close when he comes over or something. He constantly spews uneducated comments such as, "I wish no one spoke anything but english in public because they might be saying something about me." I have been married to his daughter for nearly 9 years, but he has always been insincere, brutish, vaguely rude, aloof, unfriendly, and makes comments that appear as though he is jealous of my dad who is quite educated although is quite up in years now.

Answer 1

...and he calls himself a "Christian?" Next time he starts spouting trash-talk ask him about it. Ask him to explain the age-old question: "What would Jesus do" in a situation like that. Maybe that'll shut him up and make him think about his own behavior, or rather lack of. ::sheesh!::

Answer 2

The short answer is to deal with it because he's not likely to change. Opinionated people will spout off opinion to elicit responses and open the door for more "spouting". It's best just to ignore it.

If you feel the comments are about your father are getting too personal (understandable). I'd suggest saying something to throw him off like "I admire my father tremendously. He has great qualities just like you. You should get to know him better."

Whether you really think your FIL has great qualities doesn't matter. He'll see himself in a similar position and maybe think twice about making insensitive remarks. You are stuck with him so that's probably the best you can hope for.

Answer 3

There is obvious bitterness and hate in him, which IMO is neither your fault nor your responsibility. When I have problems with my FIL, I tell my husband to deal with it, I don't dare engage because I'm the "outsider". Does your wife know how to handle her dad or even feel the same way as you do? If she does, she should tell him that he is not welcome at your home unless he can be polite or at least quiet. I sympathize, good luck!

Answer 4

Annoying is in the eye of the beholder. If you constantly look to see bad in your father-in-law, you'll see it. If you try to look for the good in him, your interactions with him will be so much more pleasant. After all, he did one very good thing, right? He made your wife.

I'm not saying that I agree with his opinions or attitude towards the neighbors, but he surely has some redeeming qualities. You'll be a lot happier if you focus on those.

Answer 5

You could really get him thinking if he truly IS a Christian. Ask him, sincerely, what he knows about Jesus' teachings. Ask him what he knows about leading others to Christ (whether you want to know is not the issue, it's to make him think about his own testimony). He is obviously not influencing you for Christ and I am sorry for the shadow he has cast on you concerning Christianity. Read Proverbs 16 and ask him if he's read it lately.

Answer 6

He's just ignorant and jealous. Put some ear plugs in and just nod your head to everything he says. If he crosses the line with your dad comments then set him straight. Don't be afraid just because he's your father-in-law. He might respect you for it later on because you stood up for yourself. :o)

Answer 7

It does sound like he may very well be jealous. If he said something offensive again, I'd tell him how offensive it was to me and that it was very disrespectful. He needs to get over it and realize he pretty much failed himself instead of working towards opportunities.

Answer 8

I would ignore everything, (he's not worth your breath), EXCEPT the comments about my own father. THAT"S a big no-no to this Demon.

Answer 9

I would ignore the fool. Also defend my Dad if he got really nasty about it.