was with a guy who wouldnt settle for the title but we did everything as a bf and gf k inda we were together but not i was "off limits but not taken" quote on quote of him. we had some serious fire and when things were good with us they were great. when they were bad they were miserable.
So one night when things were bad I went out with some girls and met this guy that was seriously instantaneous attractiion and every night we have sat and had tea and talk for hours i can see a huge future with this man possibly THE man.
and the old guy comes around this morning saying how much he loves me and that he will settle for commitment as long as I come back....?
go back to an old flame
or hurt the old flame and stay with the new?
mind you I know I love him. But i know my gut and everyone around me has been telling me to get away from him for months now that he is going to never change.
but thing is i have seen him change over months when i met him he was an alcoholic...
2007-01-23 01:33:28 · 12 answers · asked by canthearu12 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have gotten him to cut his drinking down more and focus on getting through college. All of his fraternity brothers tell me constantly how much I "saved" him.
but why save someone when he hurts me.
love stinks.
2007-01-23 01:34:25 · update #1
You don't want to be w/someone who needs/needed saving. TRUST ME....I did the very same thing-passed up a GREAT guy-SAME situation....my life was a living hell. He was just fine in the beginning but all his promises and changes didn't last. We ended up getting divorced 8 yrs later after co-existing as merely roommates rather than a married couple for 5 of those years- it was NO way to live.
If you have somebody in your live now who is "healthy" for you and you are happy with, you enjoy your time together, he is grounded and safe....my God-stay with that man! Why would you want to go back to all that drama?
Anything that is "meant to be" should NOT start out with all that bad history already...you will end up resenting him to the point your blood feels like it's poisoned, and he will constantly try to enforce the fact that "you're not the boss and he doesn't need saving"
Please...stay in what is healthy for you, you will be so much better off.....mentally, physically and emotionally.
You've already helped and worried about him, it didn't matter to him when it should have....it's time for you to help and worry about YOURSELF>
Tons of Love!
2007-01-23 01:43:37 · answer #1 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decisions of yours to make and you'll return to your old flame if that is your true desire, but your 'new guy' sounds more promising to me. Your old flame said that he would 'settle for committment' not that he wanted to do so. He still wants to keep his options open and misses parts of the relationships as you do. However, you may have developed some 'co-dependency' qualities while in your previous relationship and your emotional heartstrings are still being pulled. You seem proud of what you call an 'accomplishment' that you persuaded him to quit drinking. If he really is an alcoholic he will still be one if you return. Keep in mind that all the same 'baggage' will still be present. I think you should consider starting fresh with the new guy and figure out what is actually best for you. You can still hold on to your fond memories of your previous boyfriend and realize that was a time of growth, but the new guy might actually want the same things as you do w/o feeling like he's 'settling' or making you feel guilty for all that he has 'given up for you.' Good luck w/making the right choice.
2007-01-23 01:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a million.5 years is concerning the time which you mandatory to be relationship him, no longer having babies with him. ok, "surprises" ensue, yet, nonetheless, it takes a pair of 12 months to scratch the exterior of a man or woman. In that 12 months, you're able to desire to work out that there have been stunning issues approximately him - the lack of relationship for 20 years, the close to OCD behaviour of protecting the furniture and the cleanliness, and the gifting of an ex-lady chum's necklace. those have been all warning indicators that the guy you fell in love with grow to be, below the veneer of respectability, a guy with subject concerns. rather of watching the superficial (job, faith, and so on.) verify out the strikes of the guy. there is a few thing no longer somewhat remarkable with him, and you're able to desire to go on, as he's 50+ now and he shouldn't exchange different than by superhuman attempt on his very own section and because he truly desires to. Sorry.
2016-11-26 20:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is only wanting you now because you are off limits to him. Because you and your attention has been taken by another. I wouldn't be surprised if you got back with him and got rid of the other guy and he went back to the same old set up.
Let him go. Especially if you think you have possibly found THE man.
You can sit around waiting on someone to come around. You have to move on. He waited until things have passed and your heart has moved on to another. Sometimes we wait until our moment has passed and we can't get it back, his moment with you has passed and he has lost it and his lesson will be next time if he has a sense that the girl is the one to grab hold and don't let go. But that is his lesson.
Are you going to give up the possible MR. Right that you have wanted just to let him put you on hold for a wedding date until he is ready. If he kept you waiting for the GF title imagine how long you will wait for marriage with him.........
MOVE ON!
WAIT NO MORE!!!!
2007-01-23 01:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with the new man! If he's so great, I can't understand why you would even consider going back to the old. Be good to yourself, and stay with what truly has made you happy. Good luck!
2007-01-23 01:39:25 · answer #5 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for the guy who has done nothing to hurt you. If a guy hurts you once then he will do it again. If you have convinced him to do better things with his life that is wonderful, but that dosen't mean you are committed to him. He should be thankful for what you have done for him and move on.
2007-01-23 01:39:20 · answer #6 · answered by H-Dizz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I needed to read was "settle for commitment"! That's enough right there to tell you what you need to know. Are you willing to be "settled for"? Stay with the new guy. He sounds great to me, and is not "settling" for you....he loves your company!
2007-01-23 01:47:20 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow-i have been in your same spot-i was with someone who treated me horrible, and then i met the one guy who treats me like a princess. at some point you need to decide do you want to be treated like crap or be together on his time schedule? go for the new guy. i did and its wonderful. have things your way for a change-stop worrying about what everyone else wants and focus on what you want.
2007-01-23 01:38:19 · answer #8 · answered by xsecretxowishesx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay with the new one the old one will only go back to his old self if he gets you back
2007-01-23 01:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by spuds36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants you back so bad because he cant have you.... the minute you go back to him he will go back to the way he was... Use your head, why now?
2007-01-23 01:37:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋