my father doesnt live in this country so i was going to ask my father in law to give me away but my mother thinks it should be her. she also doesnt want to go with my future mother in law to pick my dress and their outfits i thought this was traditional i dont know what to do as i dont want to sneep my mum but its my wedding isnt it
2007-01-22 23:17:19 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm answering this as soon to be mother of the bride. Yes it is your day but if you have a loving relationship with your mum she is bound to be hurt you are asking your father-in-law to give you away. After all you are not 'his' to give away. You are part of your own family and the whole idea is your dad (or other family member) are handing a very precious person to the safe and loving custody of their new husband. It would be differen if you did not have any family. If there really is a big rift between you and your mum it is more understandable. Regarding taking your future mother-in-law to pick your dress. I am a mum of only girls and each time I have suggested to my daughters it would be nice to ask their future mother-in-law to see the dress. We are in the process of choosing the dress at present (left it bit late it's a July wedding) and it would not bother me if her mother-in-law to be came if she wanted that. However, as a mum I didn't even think of suggesting this, each time it was when the dress arrived and going for fittings. Could that not be a good compromise to your situation? As it happens to date the mother-in-laws were not being nasty but said they would much prefer to wait until the day. I would have no objection to my daughters mother-in-law knowing colour etc of my outfit or even seeing it when I had it home but definitely NO NO NO when I am going to chose it I just wouldn't feel comfotable except with close family or best friend. Don't know about other countries but in UK it is not a tradition to do this. I am no saint and probably have and will say things regarding the wedding that my daughter thinks I shouldn't but like any other mum it is said with the best of intentions and being so proud of a daughter (or son) you just want everything to be perfect for them on their big day. Now downright interferring that would be a different matter.
2007-01-23 10:31:47 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me I would kind of pre shop with my future mother in law. She'll get a chance to give suggestions and maybe you could narrow it down to five or six. Then take your mom for the final selection. You're going to be married soon so now is the time to grow a spine and do what will make this time great for you.
When my daughter was married, her father was deceased so her 16 year old brother walked her down the isle. One of my greatest memories of the day was seeing him in his tux and her in full bridal dress with veil and hearing her say to him "You realize that if you embarrass me, I will throw you to the ground and pound you."
Good luck and remember that nothing is perfect, not families not weddings not even Mr. Right. All these can be fun if you relax and don't worry too much about every detail. Above all you want to have fun more than perfection and tradition.
2007-01-22 23:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Laura B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi - so many questions! so will go through 1 at a time!
1) its your wedding, you choose who you want to give you away. It could be a mate if thats how it so takes you, so tell your mum why youre choosing who youre choosing but remind her it is your choice
2) Theres no tradition re Mums and Mum in Laws shopping together, BUT its a good idea that they communicate so they dont have clashing outfits
3) It IS your wedding, keep this in sight at all times or youll not enjoy your day
I got married in August last year and can honestly say I had the most perfect day, I smiled all day and loved every minute. I had the support of both my parents and my hubbys family too and this was so important. If I can help at all let me know :O) Take care xx
2007-01-23 02:19:41 · answer #3 · answered by Secret Squirrel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide when to be right and when to be happy.
I would let my mum win on the walking down the isle thing. It might feel like a bit of slap to ask someone not related to you when that is something that is important.
But there is no reason why you can't include your mother-in-law in your dress shopping. If you are close to her and would enjoy it.
However, perhaps beforehand you can scout out dresses, etc. with you mom. Seeing your daughter the first time in a wedding derss can be emotional and she may want that moment just with you.
And don't push them shopping toegether for their dresses. My mom and mother-in-law are very close, and my mom would have still hated that. That's personal about them, not you, so don't push that issue.
It's going to be a balancing act, bit with grace and kindness you'll get through it!
2007-01-23 01:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom might be a little jelous of your new family which is normal but you have to watch it normal can turn into diffrent things. My mother is law is so jelous of my mother it is not even funny. She competes over everything and wants everything her way. You need to have them get to know each other and become friends or there is always going to be the jelously and tension. You need to let your mom know that you really would like her to go look for dresses with you and that she is the most important person you want to share that day with and you would also like to invite the future mother in law after all she will be part of your life. You could say this is a good time for the two of you to get to know each other. Maybe you should consider your mom giving you away after all she is the one who gave birth to you and loves you unconditionally.
2007-01-24 07:43:26 · answer #5 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you must remember that this is supposed to be a joyous occasion.
Do not let people's attitudes stress you out. Be strong and CHOOSE who you want to walk you down the aisle.
There is always rivalry between mother-in-laws and the bride of the mother usually puts in the worst behaviour. YOU will have to take control and put your foot down when it comes to your mother, remember this is the joining of families and you do not want to start off your married life with both families disliking each other.
For goodness sake there are family christenings, Christmas, birthdays, annivesaries and you need to set the rules from NOW.
2007-01-24 07:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by smiler 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your wedding, so you decide. Unfortunately, when someone gets married, everyone and their brother will tell you 'what will be best'. Best thing to do is list all the options and choose what you and your husband want to do.
It will be a stressful time setting up and having the wedding so dont let pressure from what others want to do get to you.
The best thing me and my wife chose to do for the wedding came from a taxi driver of all places. He suggested in the reception have a whole load of disposable cameras on the tables, Inevitably they will be taken by the younger people there and you will end up with some great photos. Kids have a really good eye for photos.
But I hope it goes well whatevere happens.
2007-01-22 23:23:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The usual wedding politics - everyone has them. You're not alone. My mother in law complained that she wasn't getting to do anything and when I asked her to make all the menus, table names and do the seating plan she complained to the entire family about how much work I was making her do....
The thing to do is stick to your guns, do what YOU want to do and if anyone has a problem with it politely tell them that if they don't play like nice children you'll go and choose your dress on your own and that should snap them into realising how childish they are being.
2007-01-23 01:31:32 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Possibly get your two moms together for lunch several times and let them get aquainted better. Your mother might change her mind. If not, select your dress with mom and maybe take mom in law along at a later date. Do you not want your mom to walk you down the aisle? It IS your wedding so you need to do what is right for you. Life can become complicated when two families blend. Hang in there. Good luck.
2007-01-23 00:21:38 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is your wedding, but remember one thing. Your mom gave birth to you and has cared for you your entire life. If your father cannot be in attendance (I know it is not traditional) then it would be only fitting that she "give you away". As far as the shopping it sounds like you are only going to start a Family Feud even before you all become a family!!
2007-01-22 23:29:59 · answer #10 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋