I have a 12 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. They will not stop arguing and I cant take it any more.?

Question

They have always argued but it is starting to get me down. My son seems to provoke my daughter and then she starts screaming. Then I start screaming......Please help. What should I do? Is there any way I can put a stop to it? I never know who is to blame. They just blame each other.

Answer 1

Do they receive pocket money ? If they do, start to fine them BOTH each time an argument erupts. Also have a reward system in place eg. for every day that is argument free, add some money to their accounts. Encourage them to contrubute to household chores for bonus points.
Try to make time to talk to each of them separately about any issues they are having with one another and try to teach them conflict resolution.
You must also take care of yourself and screaming matches will only add to the stress levels. If the TV is the source of contention. turn it off and it stays off till both parties have had some quiet time and are ready to talk with you one on one.

Answer 2

A. STOP SCREAMING! That'll take half the fun out of their arguing... By screaming, you create an environment where it's okay to just holler uncontrollably.

B. STOP trying to figure out who's to blame. The problem isn't really whatever it is they're arguing about... the problem is that they don't know how to resolve conflict without yelling at each other.

So... play games with them... give them chores... make them part of the household responsibilities.. they're both old enough! Then you'll have something to work with, in terms of rewarding good behavior.

And finally... part of it is just typical kid stuff... But that doesn't mean you tolerate it, or ignore it. It's your job, as a parent, to teach them to resolve conflict.... and to do so in a way that sets an example for them.

Answer 3

The next time "you catch them" in the act just make sure you let them no how you feel. This WILL require you to raise your voice at them because they need to know that you are angered by this. If I'm not mistaken they are in the 5th and 7th grade or around there. They shouldn't be screaming and teasing eachother.

And I do stress that you yell at them both during the same incident but individually.
ex: We'll use Tom & Jan
Tom provokes
Jane screams
Mom quickly comes over to Jan and says in a high overpowering voice: Jan do you know how angry that makes Mommy?! (wait for response or head movement.) That makes Mommy VERY angry!
Then Mom quickly goes to Tom and say in a high overpowering voice: And do you know how angry it makes Mommy when you do that to Jan?! That also makes me VERY angry!

Make sure they are still together in the same room so that they see eachother getting yelled at. This lets them know that they both get in trouble when they do it. They just need a little scare.

But you can always go the old fashioned way. Like The old proverd says, "A swift hand makes a disciplined child." That also comes from personal experience. But try the new age modern technique first.

Answer 4

I have 4 kids ages 6,7,9 and 13 they were all the time fussing and fighting so i started a chore chart every day they do their chores they get a sticker they can make up to 7dollars a week but if they fight or fuss they loose a sticker and they hate that because they know they aren't getting any money for that day!!! After a few days they will stop fighting and start working together It really works I have learned if the kids know they upset you they will keep on fussing if you tune them out and act like they don't bother you all will be well GOOD LUCK i hope this helps!!!

Answer 5

Get them into more events. Would you rather be crazily driving them around town or crazily screaming at them? If they have developed some personal interests beyond sibling rivalry, then some of it should alleviate. Every time you take one of them out, when possible, use that time to relax. You should be able to leave either one alone for 2 or more hours or have a neighbor check-up on the one at home.

Answer 6

You know what I used to do make them sit in chairs facing each other and not allowed to talk. It worked they started laughing and making faces and the arguement was forgotten. This does take time I think it was my 3 or 4 try before it worked. You have to set a time limit. Good Luck

Answer 7

Let them enjoy their childhood, you cannot blame anybody and rather you should not blame because this is their way of showing love to each other, we also grown up in this way. You will find different religion, different cultures, different rituals different people etc etc.in this world but you will never find real brothers and sisters living together with peace.Time will automatically tech them to live peacefully.

Answer 8

Well first, stop screaming. Second, stop trying to find which one to blame.

Have a family meeting, where you and they can take turns discussing the problem.

Answer 9

If you get upset yourself, you are coming down to their level and nothing will change. If you were not to react as you've been doing, you would have a different force by which you could gain control of the situation.

Imagine if the police weren't able to remain calm, and became embroiled in every situtaion they encounter.

Answer 10

this is advice from my 3 kids,now 19,17,15. they used to fight like yours and still do on occosion.
but hereis a light hearted looka t their idea of punishemnt .........

tie them together
handcuff his right leg to her left leg and leave them till they get on.

wack em upside the head with anewspaper.


seriosly, I don't know.I never got to the bottom of who caused waht though I had my suspicions at the time,that I've since found as they've gotten older and told me.....were wrong.
There will always be one of my 3 nmot happy iwth one of the others.I think its in kids nature.They all get on great now...........98% of the time.............it's the 2% that can drive me nuts still.

one thing ......screaming doesn't work.The only thing I can really suggest is separating them..................every time.