I have been with this girl for 5 years, and am seriously doubting it mainly because I feel like I love her, but I am not "in love" with her. Rather silly but I find myself constantly looking at other girls and wondering... what if? I guess that is stupid after five years... or is it? You all tell me... not sure what to do...but it will kill her if I end it... but what is best!
2007-01-22 19:33:57 · 13 answers · asked by DavisWalk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
it is perfectly natural to wonder these thoughts after 5 years of commitment. the grass always appears to be greener on the other side. you may decide to leave her only to realise the grass wasn't as green as it once seemed, and may regret your decision. you need to take a step back and look at your relationship. does she make you happy? does she bring out the best in you. do you compliment each other as a couple. try and imagine your life without her in it - and by this I don't mean all the boys nights out and parties and dating other girls etc. imagine your life according to what you'd like to achieve, who YOU want to be, and how it would be affected with her in it and without her in it. if she will be able to grow with you or not. if the bad outweighs the good, then follow your heart, follow your dreams. if the good outweighs the bad, then give yourself some more time to assess your feelings - they could just be temporary. take your gf out to dinners and create a romantic setting over a few weeks and see if you can find the flame that once was there. if those feelings you once had do not resurface, then maybe it is time to move on. she WILL survive it - we all do. also ask yourself whether you're still together purely out of familiarity and necessity.
2007-01-22 20:17:44 · answer #1 · answered by Bite Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not weird. You fell out of love with her. It happens. If you feel this way, it would be best if you broke up with her. You two aren't moving forward so what's the point. You pretty much know within a few months if that's the person you're going to marry or not. You're not doing her a service by pretending everything is ok when you're having doubts. The breakup will hurt her, but it won't kill her. Anyone can live without another person. The world will still turn and she won't die from the heartbreak. She'd probably be more heartbroken to find out that her bf is basically living a lie and so is she.
2007-01-23 03:38:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Five years to be with someone is a long time. The problem here is...if you definitely knew she was the one for you...something by now would have happened. You would have thought about the future with her and discussed taking it to the next level. As far as her being so hurt if you end it...what if you continue another five years and the both of you miss out on meeting the right one for the both of you...then what? If you are looking at others, then that desire is there. You need to do some serious thinking about this...and the two of you need to discuss it also. Try not to hurt her as much as possible but if you dont feel in your heart she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then its best to end it gently.
2007-01-23 03:38:31 · answer #3 · answered by natashainka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at other girls while having a gf ain't silly at all, we're all humans aren't we? Anyways, looking/fantasizing doesn't mean ur having some kinda affair. But after 5 yrs which is a really long time...u shld really think what u want...if u love her and dun wanna leave her, then stay on...but if u felt that u don't have anymore feelings with her....tell her now and don't keep waiting cos u might destroy her life cos of ur selfishness.
2007-01-23 03:41:31 · answer #4 · answered by DooGie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've confused love with lust. Most people fantasize or even look around. The question is do you want to act on your looking around? Think about this carefully... if you leave her, she'll probably be able to move on and you may as well..but if you leave, you may find yourself asking "What if I stayed with her?". But decide for yourself what's going to make you happy. It's your call, and if anyone else gets a say, it shouldn't be me, it should be your girlfriend. Have you tried to discuss this with her at all? I mean, 5 years.. that's a long time for a relationship and she may have something she's been holding back too....
2007-01-23 03:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by That Guy! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its better to let her know your TRUE feelings than to play with her emotions. Five years is a lot, its not just a couple of days flying by, its 5 years of someone's life. In five years she could of been with someone else, perhaps married. If you knew you weren't in love with her you shouldn't have wasted her time. Now its going to be heartbreaking for her when you end the relationship. Stop feeling pity for her.
It seems like the only reason you're in the relationship is due to pity. You are forcing yourself to fall in love but can't because love is not something you force upon but rather something you feel in your heart. Meet up with her face to face and break the news gently. Don't tell her its because you're not in love, !boy! would that hurt, tell her you're not "ready for a relationship now" and that you don't "feel that you can devote enough to the relationship"..that way she'll understand. Yes, it'll hurt her feelings (if she is in love) but its better to be honest than to play with her emotions for another 5 years! Good luck.
P.S. Never make someone fall in love with you if you're not willing to return the love.
2007-01-23 03:40:48 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Q & A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A successful relationship breeds passion and cultivates progression. After 5 years, you're either together for convenience or together for the intention of committing to a long-term relationship.
Take this time to re-evaluate your feelings for her. If you find yourself wondering about other women, exercise honesty with her and explore that area of your life. After 5 years, you owe her your honesty, at the very least.
Don't be afraid to remove the "security blanket". You'll find that you will have saved your "marriage" with her, if you actively satistfy your curiosities and re-evaluate the situation thereafter.
2007-01-23 03:42:11 · answer #7 · answered by monkey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel you can just have her then you want more. Move on to what you need but make sure that you are certain first. I read that some guys, before they commit, go into denial and start looking for an escape as a kind of test of their feelings. Ask yourself what you want......fun and dating or a future together and stability?
2007-01-23 03:39:14 · answer #8 · answered by Gist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are a gentleman for facing the truth. Men and women do these things differently---I mean you are just no longer ready for an exclusive committment with her or anyone else. Get this out of your system now and good luck.Always do the right thing.
2007-01-23 03:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have been together for 5 years and you are still not married there is something wrong
and if you are having doubts there is something REALLY wrong
do her a favour and make up your mind so she can get on with her life
2007-01-23 03:37:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋