What is the best way to tell a guy that I am not interested???

Question

I am married and have been with my husband for almost 7 years. I have been JUST FRIENDS with this other guy for about 4 years. several times in the last couple years this other guy has flirted with me and tried to convince me to have an affair with him. I was always able to blow him off. Anyway a couple days ago, he called me drunk and begged me to have an affair with him and then had my sister in law (my husband's sister) call me and tell me that he was going to kill himself if I didn't call him back. I know it was just a ploy to get me to call him, because I never called him back and tonight he is texting me again. I have tried the thing of you know I am married and his comment to me was he don't mind so my husband doesn't matter. I make sure that I am not alone with him ever, but my sis in law is trying everything in her power to make something between the other guy and me happen. The other guy is her step son. I don't want to have him kill himself but I am really not interested....

I have told my husband about the situation, and he is very angry and wants to go after the guy, but I am worried about causing more family trouble in an already unstable family.

My sister in law is 42, I am 26, the guy is 28 and my husband is 31. And I am pregnant with my husband's child, due in June 07.

Answer 1

There is no best way. Apparently this other guy doesn't see you two as "just friends" and it's become an all out problem. He probably feels that you may have led him on. Compound that with him hitting the liquid ambition and you got yourself an obsessive crazy love sick idiot who won't take no for an answer. Suffice it to say this friendship needs to end as it has gotten way out of control. He can't distinguish between his fantasy and reality. This guy's drinking has caused him to lose all sense of rationality causing him to become mentally unhinged. Along with your sis-in-law's doings, that has got to be the most dysfunctional irresponsible behavior imaginable. She's just as crazy as that step son of hers is! Why is she is trying to break up your marriage? Short of getting a restraining order or having him charged with harassment there is no "best way". In light of the present day instability of you family there is no way to avoid trouble. It's been brewing for quite some time. Like you say, those suicidal antics are just an absurd ploy. If he keeps that up he can be locked up per mental hygiene statute. Any attention you display toward him will only further egg him on, so quit giving it to him. That means no more messages, no calls, no contact, no nothing pronto!
Your husband can't be blamed for being angry. Maybe he should step in. He has every right to do so. At any rate both loony guy and sis need to be firmly told to back off and leave you and your husband alone. Whatever it takes and whatever the means get the message through to these two hard heads that enough is enough. Being nice is no longer an option. Family or not, one way or another, by choice or by force this is going to stop.

Answer 2

Gosh.....pathetic group of friends you have.
End the friendship with the guy, If you have to tell your husband.
Change your cell phone number and tell your husband why. I am sure he will be glad that you are saing NO to a guy. And threats of killing self........what a looser. And what decent man goes after another man's woman. Your sister in law sounds like trash. If he does kill himself then it is NOT your fault. They are both loosers. Where is their respect and honor for marriage.?

You need to put an end to this. There is NO guestion here..this has to stop. Even if you have to get a restraining order it has to stop.

Answer 3

the guy is not going to kill himself. you are obviously a very considerate lady to other people's feelings. but remember, your marriage comes first. you are in your 7th year of marriage with is the average length of a marriage in the usa. your biggest concern should be making sure your husband knows that you only want him. make sure your husband knows he is the only one for you. maybe this other guy deserves to get his stuff kicked by your husband. he is chasing after a happily married woman. you have done everything ethically and morally required of you to tell this idiot his advances are unwelcome. your only other possible techinique might be to start being a cold hearted... you know what with him. but it is definately a good idea to NEVER be alone with him. his false claims of your infidelity are possible, but a worse possibility, if this guy has a habit of getting drunk is rape. let your husband protect you. you might also file a formal sexual harrassment complaint against him at your local police department. you dont have to be coworkers... just scared.

Answer 4

that whole kill myself is just bs. hes trying 2 get ur attention. the best way 2 tell this guy that ur in a married realationship, love ur husband very much, and are not intereseted in an affair. tell ur husband. (be honest) u could also get a restraining order. cuz ur family is unstable, take a vacation w/ ur family. i feel so bad 4 u.

Answer 5

just be polite and kind and honest - then ignore him if he doesn't get the message. Tell your husband - not because you want him to kill him or any of that nonsense, but he should know if you have a problem, then there will be no bad surprises. Call the police if he stalks you

Answer 6

You know is ovious this guy doesn;t care about you, and his playing a very bad game on you. he has to be the sickest person alive and is trying to screw your life. as for you sister in-law she must hate her brother with a passion and she is on a mission to break your family apart. I think you really have to get serious about this guy and put a restraining order against him, if that what it takes then get the law involved in this sick game there playing on you and your family..

Answer 7

You don't mention ages; as such, have to assume you are older that the guy is younger, so will urge you to take the adult high road:

You need to tell you husband what is happening have HIM communicate with sister and ask her to help her step-son who obviously and inappropriately obsessed with you, that his action are inappropriate, that he cares about her and her son and does not want to see anything happen to her step-son and that he needs serious, professional help.

Most likely, once the boy is aware that his "rival", your husband, wants to help him, he will either get help or at minimum, be too embarrassed and ashamed to try to contact you again as he knows you are communicating with your hubby and your connection with your hubby is strong.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You need to stay away from him, NEVER talk to him, never return his calls, he will NOT kill himself, thats just the game guys tend to play when they have no other choice! do not throw away your marriage for one stupid guy! what kind of a sis in law is that???? thats just weird!
Anyways , stay away from him - tell him you will call the cops on him next time he tries to hurt you or upset you! you can loose your marriage over this, and he seems to be an idiot and has NO respect for women or marriage if he says its ok for you to have an fair with him, thats just stupid and he is a JERK!

Answer 9

The guy has a serious problem!

And your husband is incredibly lucky to have a woman like you! That being said, just don't talk to the guy. Your sister-in-law is scum.

Answer 10

Just tell him that you are married. Then appologize for being insecure and leading him on. then tell him it was a thing that you do because your wide *** never gets attention from from your husband. The when he swallow a couple of shotgun shells you dont feel so bad. then you and your whore tendacies can go back to your husband and kids and live happily ever after