My 20 year old and my 25 year old are very self centered right now. I will be 60. I hope they can remember the fun times and take time to laugh with me again before it is to late. They never have time for me unless they have needs.
2007-01-22 17:31:17 · 10 answers · asked by Lyric Lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They will... they're still young. But, the relationship does change. they're not living in your house, so it won't be the same as it once was, but that doesn't mean you can't see one another, and create new memories in these years.
Set some boundaries around what you're willing to do when "they have needs"... if you're always riding to the rescue, then they'll never grow up. Once they're living independently of you (and your pocketbook, likely) then they'll begin to appreciate you more.
2007-01-22 18:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by Amy S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is very typical of young adults of the age your sons are! they are trying to forge their lives, while trying to have fun. They are looking more at instant gratifiction than in long term consequences. Right now they are only thinking about their own needs, but as they grow and mature, this will change.
They will remember everything! And I guarentee that they will be there again in the future. Just stay a constant in there lifes (friendly phone calls, emails etc). Try to arrange a get together with them once a month. Take them for dinner, or cook them dinner. Make new traditions, start something new that they will learn to appreciate.
2007-01-23 01:43:23 · answer #2 · answered by Kate A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have three sons,one is under me all the time ,hes a momma,s boy....He had a wife,but they split,he has a girlfriend now and they come by all the time,she has 3 children and they seem to be happy,hopefully they will marry..But he always has been and probably always will be around....The other son calls me and we talk,we have close relationship because we talk about anything,and I feel close to him but I don,t see him much cause hima nd his wife are running a business,but i know he is there for me...The other son ,i see him if I go to him ,if I didn,t i would never see him...but if I go to him hes nice...His wife comes to see me but not him,..it just depends on the boys...I think they will come around when they grow up some...Its not how much you see them really,its the closeness you feel to them and if you need them can you depend on them? You are 60 and have a lot of wonderful years to have fun,start doing things for yourself,see friends,join a Bingo group...They will come around more when you don,t need them.....
2007-01-23 02:07:40 · answer #3 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they just need their space. Are they still at home ? I have learned to just accept the fact that they are now "gown up"...and that's how they probably want to be treated. I worry about my son all the time, but I have come to realize that I have to let go and let him learn by his own mistakes...as much as that hurts. If they do something you don't like, just remember that they have developed their own tastes and personalities...let them know it's ok, even though you may not agree with it. Be there when they need you, but let them know that you are not "supermom", tell them your limitations and let them know what you can and can't do for them. Tell them how much you love them. Find the good qualities they have and praise them by telling them how proud you are of them. Don't send negative "vibes" when you're around them, and without saying a word, show them how you feel about them, like maybe by leaving them little "I love you" notes. Give them a hug and tell them you love them no matter what. Remember, now they are adults and they want to be shown respect, just like we we do. At this point, all you can really do, is to be patient with them. It's also important that you accept their frineds. They'll come around, it's just a matter of time. But you can help it come sooner if you just accept them for who and what they are and don't try to change them. Good Luck :)
2007-01-23 02:39:55 · answer #4 · answered by peachesncream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately this happens in most families, mine included. My son lives only 10 miles from me, and his visits are very inrequent,I have the same problem,.
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In time after u have gone thaey will regret it, I do, i miss my mother more now than when she was alive, and she has been gone for nrly 50 yrs. Unfortunately I never chatted to her to find out her likes and dislikes
2007-01-23 01:41:27 · answer #5 · answered by old dick withers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it wil depend one their personality.many boys still feel strongly towards their moms it just is difficult for the, to express itwith some its once their married and have children of their own and others dont see it before its to late then they are left feeling guilty for not having given back a little after all the years you invested in them
2007-01-23 01:37:40 · answer #6 · answered by resigned 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
typical i think. i know my bro's did the same thing.unfortunately our mom died before it could change.but i don't think she saw it like that. my kids-18&20 are just that way. there is an occasional lapse in their facade-when they speak to their friends about something fun from their childhood-and then i think ,okay, they haven't forgetten everything. i guess we just have to wait it out. i like to believe that they'll come around. in the meantime-let them know how you feel. nicely,of course.and don't give in everytime they want something.use this time to take some time for yourself.
2007-01-23 10:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is depend how was you tread or raised them when they was a little kid or teenage, if you love them so much.. sooo much.. never abuse them.. i bet they will love you but if your relationship not that well with your sons when they were a little(teenage) i guess right now they just want to leave you alone.. try to talk to them and say something about your felling and don't forget to say sorry if they said something/ complaining about you..
me and my mother never have good relationship she just so selfish, she was abuse me when i was a teenage.. so i guess at my age now (i am 28 ) i just try to go away from her..
but i believe son is more close to their mother and daughter is more close to their dad, so just give them space now.. they still try to find themself.. i believe they will came to you once they find themself...out there
right now just try to contact them but not to much give them space.. don't forget when you get the right time just tell them about your feeling..
and by the way maybe you will get GRAND.. someday so you will not feel lost of something...
e-mail me if you need support, i love to hear that.
2007-01-23 01:45:48 · answer #8 · answered by sylvaniaS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are married I doubt it will ever be the same as it used to be, but it can still be good. Sounds like they are being selfish at the moment.
2007-01-23 01:51:29 · answer #9 · answered by older mum 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that's because life goes so fast.. they don't mean it just give them a call or email... and let them know it was a pleasure raising them.. best of luck
2007-01-23 01:35:24 · answer #10 · answered by SUNSHINE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋