How do I stop a 3 year old from biting my son?

Question

I have a very close girlfriend who has a three year old. My son is 2, and we have play dates 2-3 times a week. They fight over normal kid stuff like not sharing, which my son is always the one who gets the short end of the stick. But the worst has only begun. Her son has started biting my son, not little nips, he is leaving bruises and teeth marks. On our last play date, in a matter of 4 hours my son was bite 3 times. Two left bruises. I feel she does not disipline her son the right way. She puts him in time out for 2 min and that's it. It obviously is not working because he continues to bite. I cannot allow my son to continue to be physically hurt. I have decided to stop all play dates until he has stopped biting. How do I let my friend know that I have no intentions on getting together because of the biting without ruining our friendship?

Answer 1

She needs to know that her son's behavior is unacceptable. Obviously her method isn't working and she needs to try something else, but if she's not willing to do that then she needs to know that she'll have to deal with the consequences. I have a friend who's child is similar to your friends. I will not let her child play with mine. I have also let my son know that it's ok to stand up for himself, whether that's by telling an offending child "stop" or to push back if he feels cornered. However, my son is 4, so obviously he's a little more able to do that than a 2 year old.
Anyway... in the long run, if your friend doesn't get it that her parenting is flawed, then you're not doing her any favors by not telling her that her son is still having biting problems and that you no longer feel comfortable having play dates. If she doesn't do something to correct this behavior now, her son is only going to get progressively worse.

Answer 2

Call her on the phone. Say, Honey I have to talk to you about something. I know you are trying to teach your son not to bite, I see you put him in time outs. I know it's not intentional - but I just need for us to not have the boys together until this phase passes. I'm sure on day my son will go through some sort of phase, and I hope you'll be a good enough friend to level with me if it becomes a problem. I'm sure this will pass soon, and I appreciate your understanding of my position.

Alternatively - buy her a book on how to get your child to stop biting and give it to her over coffee (in a starbucks with the kids strapped in strollers)

Alternative #2 - send her the link to this page

Answer 3

I'm kind of blown away that you let your son be bitten 3 times in a matter of 4 hours. After the first one, I would've been out of there so damn fast her head would've spun. Your son needs you to protect him. If you can't risk another adult being mad at you versus protecting him, then you really need to have a long hard think at what kind of mother you want to be for him. Believe me, no one hated confrontation more than I, but once I became a mother, and the first time I had to stand up for my son, I just sucked it up and did it, and I am better for it. I'm not saying you have to be mean to her, but you do need to tell her that you won't be having any more play dates until her son's "phase" is under control. He shouldn't be biting at 3, so I imagine he is going to move on to other bullying behavior, like pushing and shoving. So you will need to monitor your son closely whenever they are together. There's no way around it. And, quite honestly, most two year olds don't need to socialize! They'd really rather hang out with mommy, playing with pots and pans on the kitchen floor, or digging up worms in the garden. The whole "play date" mentality these days is mostly for moms to complain about their men. Spend quality, one-on-one time with your son, he'll be running around with his own friends faster than you realize!

Answer 4

Hot sauce and smacking hands are bad ideas. No one wants to know that their mother is purposefully hurting them. Give him a toy he can work on. For example a rubix cube, a few transformers, the game Simon where the lights flash and you have to repeat the color pattern, a coloring book and crayons, a Leapster (GREAT educational games that are made for toddlers), etc. Make sure he washes his hands thoroughly and often. Colds, worms and other icky things are easily contracted from dirty hands, especially under the nails. Let him pick out his own nail brush at the store that he can use when he washes his hands and/or in the tub. Make him a part of taking care of his nails. Let him explore and understand how the nail clippers or file works, tell him how those are the items we use to keep our nails short, clean and handsome looking. Let him know how very handsome his hands look when they're taken care of properly. Don't make him feel bad about biting his nails. He might be doing it out of insecurity. Are things at home a little unstable? Where they rocky when he started the habit?

Answer 5

You just tell her, "Katie, I'd rather not do play dates for a while because it isn't good for my two-year-old to be being bitten. I know Freddy may just be going through a phase, but, for now, I think maybe a two-year-old and a three-year-old aren't a good match."

What you may not want to say to your friend is this: The reality is that three years old is old for a child to be biting. Many one-year-olds bite. Most three-year-olds don't unless they have problems or are awfully bratty. You would be wise to keep your child away from him unless you do something like take the two small children out somewhere for lunch but keep them physically apart from one another.

That is something you may want to think about too: Tell your friend that they aren't playing well, but maybe it would be fun to take them out for lunch where they won't have that much freedom to run and where there won't be squabbles over toys. (It never hurts any child to learn to sit at a table and socialize.)

Answer 6

If it were her son , she would probably feel the same way. I would do another playdate and if her son bit yours again, I would say to him and her, " Well we are not going to be hanging out together if this keeps happening, so of you want to keep playing together the biting has to stop "

Answer 7

well tell your son to bite him back and he`ll soon stop or if that dont work tell the boys mother to bite him so he understands what he`s doing wrong and that its not right. or just stop going there

Answer 8

You tell her the reason why....If she has no idea whats going on and why, How can she put a stop to her child bitting?

Answer 9

DEAR JUST CALL HER ON THE PHONE AND SAY NICELY THAT YOU CAN ONLY VISIT THIS WAY UNTIL SHE LEARNS TO PUT HIM OVER HER KNEE AND SPANK HIM GOOD AND SAY DO NOT DO THAT ANY MORE IF THIS CUTS OFF THE FRIENDSHIP SHE WAS NOT A GOOD FRIEND AT ALL JUST WAIT UNTIL HE STARTS DAY SCHOOL PRE-KINDERGARTEN THEY SPANK AND THEY MAKE YOU GIVEN IT TO THEM IN COLD HARD WRITING SO YOU CAN NOT SUE THEM OK.

Answer 10

Just be honest with her about this. She should understand!!! If not, it's not your fault. You are your child's voice and caretaker...so if that interferes with your friendship than maybe, she is not a true friend.