This has been a problem of mine for a Long time! I think its because my mother is insecure and wanted to make me everything she thought she was not. As a result......she wanted me to be the BEST in everything....as another result I bought this and have the need to become perfect and also the hurt when people put me down for being, "conceited" "all bad" etc.
I don't want to crash from this...How do I gain a healthy sense of self-confidence without turning in to arrogance or conceit and to not get so many people to dislike me but not lose myself and my capabilites and belief in myself.
Sorry so long....intelligent answers only Loser answers will go to the circular file! thanks :)
2007-01-22 16:58:56 · 6 answers · asked by Rachel T. 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Thanks...I was a cheerleader in HS but I've been out for quite a bit....:) 10 yrs
2007-01-22 17:10:41 · update #1
Well, learning self confidence requires some insecurity. Unlike conciet, self confidence is learned and earned. I hate to say but the best way to learn self confidence is to fail a few times, and find the courage to pick yourself back up from the dirt and try again. If you do not fail at an attempt, then you have still earned some s.c. because you took the risk of failure. Want a shortcut, join the military.
Being the best in everything is not a bad thing. Sounds like you have some self confidence already, just do not flaunt it or rub it in others faces, that way they cannot accuse you of being concieted or feel inferior to you. You will also save your feelings by not having to hear their remarks.
Choose what you say, to whom you say it, and how you say it, carefully. Think about it. Aside from appearance, what is the biggest thing that people judge others on? (Hint: It is on your face, has two lips which make noise and can get you into a lot of trouble when used incorrectly...)
Humble thyself.
Speak to people, but when you do, remember that they can be just as good, or even better than you. If not well, then it should not matter.
True self confidence would allow you to ignore them and go about your business. Maybe all you lack is the skill of knowing when to ignore people. If you don't mind, they don't matter.
2007-01-22 17:31:44 · answer #1 · answered by konstipashen 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm impressed that you understand yourself so well. Good job! Have you heard the term, "Big fish in a little pond?" Let's say that someone makes all state on a high school team. They must be good! They have every right to be proud of their hard work and accomplishments. However, if they cross into the conceited arena they have failed to realize that there is a bigger pond out there with bigger fish. The best in the world is usually bested!
Now you did not say that you are actually conceited. You said that others call you that. I suggest that you join a cheering type of group, such as a pep squad. You will enjoy finding the strengths in others. Go with a group of friends to your high school or college basketball game and cheer on the team. If you are a loner and confident people get the false impression that you are conceited. You may just be busy.
2007-01-23 01:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who are perfectionists often have a difficult time expressing themselves without coming off arrogant or conceited. And the other side of that is that people who may not be as accomplished often see strength and confidence as arrogance.Seeing as how we can't do anything about others,we have to look at what we can do to improve the way we come off to others.The key to this has already been mentioned, humility. In order to find true humility,or ones place in the world is a difficult yet uplifting,liberating experience. It's too involved to explain here but it entails smashing ones ego, then building it up again in the proper manner. I suggest,seeing as you are fairly in touch with yourself and mature,that you investigate resources in your area that deal with this issue.It's a very spiritual and personal journey and so worth it. Counseling is a good place to start.I got my humility through becoming a member of A.A. and reading the book and doing what it suggested. I call that book the repair manual for the human mind. You don't have to be addicted to benefit from the knowledge in that book.I hope that this gave you some ideas, Good luck and God bless. Peace.
2007-01-23 01:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by rick m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you're coming from. The best thing to do would be to go through some counseling to gain a more healthy perspective. However, if you don't want to change yourself, you only want to change the way people react to you, all you need to do is think before you speak. That way you only get the reactions that you want. Inside, you could be thinking "this person is a complete and utter imbicile", but outside no one will know.
2007-01-23 01:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by azure_delirium 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to be humble and realize everyone is equal as an individual and we all make mistakes. Modesty is an attractive quality. Being a perfectionist will mess up your life.
2007-01-23 01:07:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
get over urself and get counseling
2007-01-23 01:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by the_blue_martini_69 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋