Why do people see extending forgiveness as 'weakness'?

Question

They way I see it, if I can truly forgive someone for a wrong they have done to me, and continue to love them, then in a spiritual way, that is a strength. It seems to be something I am able to do because I can recall many times in my life where I have been able to forgive various people in various situations...and the results have been good. I have noticed few people see things the same way. In fact my forgiving nature has been called 'stupid', 'doormat', 'dumb' 'weak'...by people. It seems the world does not value my ability to forgive. People see at strong to walk fight, walk away, and hold anger toward others. How do I handle this? What can I say/do to these people when they critisize me for something that brings love and peace to my heart? The world seems so upside down :(

Answer 1

Yes, forgiveness is a sign of strength. it actually takes power (divine) to forgive. In my view, when someone hurts me, he/she takes power over me. I keep thinking so much about the hurt and it drains me emotinally, physically, mentally and spiritually. When I do not forgive, the person who has transgressed against me keeps the power, but when i forgive - i keep it. When unforgiveness is harbored long enough inside us, it develops into bitterness and worse still, into hatred. wonder why there is so much bloodshed in the world today? It is for your own good that you forgive. You free up so much space in your head and heart when you forgive - space which can rather be occupied with love, peace, joy and beauty.

Answer 2

The world is upside down. Has been for a long time.

Do what you believe to be right, and forget the rest of them. In a few days (if not a few hours), they'll have forgotten the whole situation anyway. But if you don't forgive when you believe it is right to do so, it will be a long time before you forget it. Conscience can be a rather persistent thing to deal with.

As a cautionary warning however, while it is good to forgive and I admire you for it; there is a difference between being a good person and a foolish one. Pay attention to who you interact with before the situation happens, and the situation won't arise where forgiveness is needed. If a friend comes along looking for money for example, and that friend has a history of not returning loans (or has a history of drugs/alcohol/gambling/etc.) then the smart thing to do would be to not give them the money in the first place; rather than forgive them after the fact. It may still happen, but it is easier to deal with both the person who needs forgiveness and the ones chastising you for forgiving if the situation occurs much less often.

But the truth is, people like you don't hear enough of how good you are doing; I applaud you for your stance, even in the face of less-than-stellar stances from those around you.

Answer 3

Many times when we forgive we are taken advantage of because people think that we will continue to forgive and we usually do. But to forgive does not mean that we are stupid or pushovers.
Lets just say a mother forgives a man that molested her daughter. Does that mean she should ever leave her daughter alone with him again? No!
Forgiveness does not make someone automatically trustworthy. It does not mean that your forgiveness is going to change anybody. We can forgive and not have to subject ourselves to them over and over either.
It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone whether they accept it or not, and even more strength to keep forgiving when it doesn't seems like anybody cares or understands. This is how Jesus must have felt on the cross.

Answer 4

Human nature usually wants to be right and and be strong. Human nature tends to nurture hurt and want revenge.
Forgiveness takes the wind out of the sails of people that are looking for a fight. Forgiveness also humbles those same folk.
However, forgiveness and being a DOORMAT are not the same thing.... remember that and rock on....

Answer 5

I think it is because of Social Darwinism. If you are not the strongest, you will be eliminated. Therefore, if you see a chance to hold something over someone, you should, or else they may do it to you at a later time.

I disagree with this, but that is what I am pretty sure is happening. We had an hour long discussion about this in U.S. History. I hope that is a good example, good question.

Answer 6

Forgiveness is a sword. It will cut away the karmic bonds between you and the object of your resentment. It is an excellent tool in the arsenal of the spiritual warrior.

Answer 7

I am ALL about forgiveness. And I agree, yes it takes more strength to do that than to carry a grudge forever. I have had numerous wrongs done to me... and it took a while for me to forgive, but I did.... best thing I could have ever done. :)

Answer 8

I see the constant Liberal trend in politics to be a sign of weakness! If you whine about it...they will change laws for you and bend over backwards...all for you!

Forgiveness...in some circumstances, yes.

Answer 9

If this is what you choose then let yourself be happy with it. You don't have to change how other folks feel. I have a friend who says, "if someone steps on your toes in the elevator, you forgive them. If they sexually molest you, rape you, abuse you, etc then let God forgive them if he wants to. To do otherwise is to try to twist yourself up inside.

Answer 10

keep on doing what you do best,at least you wont have any sickness in your body from holding in hurts,anger and strife.God forgave us,so you are not weak,you are doing what the bible said,to forgive others who do us wrong.