Our relationship is taking a nose dive because she keeps attacking me over how I attend to her baby. I try to do everything I can, from playing with him, feeding him, changing him, staying up late when he isn't well. She thinks I dont do enough, and when I do something, it's not right. I am feel like anytime I am with the child I am being watched. I am starting to distance myself for fear of getting lashed out by my gf. For instance, last night, the baby started to cry in bed and I gave him his bottle and covered him with a blanket. Then she went off on me saying I wasn't careful enough and should have put the other blanket on him. I didn't see it. Honestly, I am trying but I feel like anytime I do something for her or her kid it's not enough. What do I do? Should I give her space? I tried talking to her about it but she says it's my fault for not caring enough.
2007-01-22 16:05:39 · 29 answers · asked by hmguesswho1 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
The kid is not mine. The relationship is about her kid and me now. It is great between her and I but she is overprotective of the child. He has no father and she is trying to be everything for him. I can understand that. I just think it's my fault. I'm not good with relationships or babies it seems. hmm, I seem to always get abused because of the nice guy disease I have.
2007-01-22 16:25:35 · update #1
Is the kid yours? I mean if this is her child and she is going to be like that then she can take care of the kid all by herself. I understand she is concerned - but honestly - if you are trying to do the best you can what does she want. I wouldn't argue with her - just say you are doing the best you can and say you will do what you can. But if she doesn't like what you are doing - hey - its not your kid. The responsibility is on her and your being a great guy for even trying to help out. If she can't figure out what a great guy you are for what you are doing - move on as tough as this might seem.
Good Luck!!!
2007-01-22 16:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
You really need to let her know how you feel. It sounds like you are caring for someone else's child, which I give you a thumbs up for. She should be appreciative of everything you do. Do not just cut and run. Perhaps the two of you should seek some counseling. There are many faith-based counseling centers that don't charge, they just take donations, in case money is an issue.
As a side note, at twenty months, no child should be using a bottle. If a child is still using the bottle, an adult should be holding it. At no time should the child be in a crib with a bottle.
EDIT: Your relationship with her is not good. If it was, she wouldn't be abusive about how you treat the child. It's not your fault. You are doing what you can for a child you have no responsibility for. Please seek counseling. She needs to stop whipping you, and you need to stop accepting it.
2007-01-22 16:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by Uther Aurelianus 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If all that you're saying is true, and she honestly isn't listening to you, I'd get out of that relationship. She's not thankful for what she has, considering you're not even married to her, for crying out loud! If you want, give her one last chance and sit her down and tell her that you are trying your hardest to be a good boyfriend, but that she's pushing you away by how she's treating you. And if she doesn't start treating you with a little more respect, you can't stay in this relationship. Personally, I'd leave. My husband is like you, and I appreciate ALL that he does for me because he doesn't have to do any of that and I'd still stay with him. He does it because he's a good man, and I think you are too, for doing what you've done so far. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you for all that you've done.
2007-01-22 16:15:36 · answer #3 · answered by herefordsun 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend should be on her knees thanking God she has a good man there to help her with her child. This isn't even your son but automatically you are supposed to be an expert on how to raise children? I wish I could find a man like you who would genuinely care for my girls. You need to have a serious talk with your gf and explain her treatment towards you is disrespectful and the criticism has to end or else she will risk pushing you away. She will be left all alone if that happens. If there is a better/easier way for you to care for the child than she can suggest it in a nice manner without scolding you like you are an idiot or a child yourself. Warn her once and if she doesn't listen or try....it's time to packup and leave her. You don't want to spend your life with a controlling woman like that.
2007-01-22 16:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is she insane? From what you are saying, it doesn't sound like her son is yours. You sound like you are doing everything right, and she is just being WAY too over-protective, for whatever reason. I commend you for doing what you do. Honestly, does your girlfriend realize how blessed she is to have a guy that honestly cares and treats her son so well? You give him a bottle and cover him with a blanket. God forbid it isn't the right blanket! Geez...she needs a wakeup call.
I don't know what would be the appropriate way to address this, since she would probably take any confrontation as a personal attack. Evaluate your relationship, and determine for yourself if you are willing to put up with her moods. Chances are, it's going to be like this for a loooong time.
Best of luck to you and whatever decision you decide to make!
2007-01-22 16:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by Courtney 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
some mothers are very picky in the way thier children are taken care of. i'm one of them...does she seem like a picky mom? or does she seem like she just dosent want you doing anything for her son? i dont see where she would come up with the idea that you dont care enough, i mean, you are taking care of another man's child...have you ever taken care of a baby before? mabye she feels like you cant do it if you've never taken care of a baby before. just explain to her, that you are doing what you know best, and the next time she yells at you, i would remind her that you are there, and that the biological father isnt. stand your ground, or she'll be walking all over you. if she dosent appreciate you, then i'm sorry to say this but its time to leave. let her know how much it hurts you when she yells at you. ask her what more you can do for the baby. try to understand why she is attacking you over every little thing, and go from there.
2007-01-22 16:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by superyduperymommy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
FUNNY!!! Yesterday you were married and had a seven year old son, and your wife was telling him (the seven year old) that you are a drunk. Today you have a relationship with a girl and a 20 month old son? If anything is clearly indicated here, you need to find a safe place and gather your thoughts together. You can be of no use to anyone in the state you are in. Yo DUDE: Good luck with that! :\
2016-05-23 23:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd let her in on the fact that she doesn't know how good she has it. You are noble to treat her child so well. If you can't reason with her then it seems that she just doesn't appreciate you. Your intentions are good. If it's not good enough you will eventually get resentful towards her unfortunately.
My advice is to back off and let her get off her butt to attend to her child since you can't do anything right. I'm not being mean but she should appreciate your help. You can only do what you can do. It doesn't sound good for you to be honest.
Best wishes.
2007-01-22 16:12:29 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be blunt with you, it sounds like she is taking out her aggression on you for the deadbeat dad. Or, she is just an overprotective mother. I would say give her some space and let her know that you have done everything she asked, and if you are not doing it right, she should show you how to do it.
Honestly man, it isn't worth the grief. Take off unless the kid is yours. This sounds like a no win situation.
2007-01-22 16:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by John D 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Technically it's HER baby...so why should YOU be doing everything for him??? I mean it sounds like you're wonderful with the child...but she has no right to expect you to be doing all this when you're not the father and have not adopted the baby. Maybe you should give her some space and take care of her own baby, then she will appreciate your help more when you come back
2007-01-22 16:10:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋