It was my father. They are now 73 and 76 and their health is not good. I don't see a reason to confront him or her. But I am struggling so much with this. I am 45. Should I tell my kids or just let them have good memories of their grandfather? Advice welcome.
2007-01-22 15:25:35 · 15 answers · asked by greeneyes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well if it wasnt for their age I probably would but since they are both in their 70
2007-01-22 18:42:16
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answer #1
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answered by slickcut 5
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Do NOT tell your children. Please don't. They don't need nor want to know. (experience)
However, how about confronting your father and mother? Yes they are old, and in bad health. But if you are calm, and have your wits about you the conversation could go well. And you might get the closure you seek. Do not yell or even raise your voice, and have a box of Kleenex on hand. He should have to account for his actions in some way, if only to acknowledge that he hurt you.
2007-01-23 00:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nope its over now.. i think .. we cant blame of who we are or how we are on today from the ghosts of our past. we are responsible for today we can not blame anyone or any abuse inflicted upon us as a barrier to be happy and to live and love not hate and resent we have to look at ourselves or we will be a victim forever i rather survive and shine on. we all die with conflict and pain. what is it you are trying to make right at this time?? its not about you as it is about them in death and dieing and it does not matter now anyway. if you cant stand to be Honorable and treat the dieing with dignity and forgive... what ever it is that they did to you you best stay away and let that person die in peace... why would you tell mom now that's cruel and abuse from you she does not deserve at her end. wouldn't you hope the same when your time comes im sure your not perfect. why on earth would you even want to tell your children the bad tell them the good ..the abuse issues with you and your father are not their problem you did not tell your mom all the years why tell your children.. see a shrink and pay attention.
2007-01-23 00:44:41 · answer #3 · answered by squawwitoutamule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell, but stay in therapy. I told my mom I was abused by my father and I got some serious denial, and 'what difference does it make after all this time' stuff like that.
I did not tell my sister because she just adored my dad and I didn't want to spoil HER memories at least.
2007-01-22 23:47:03 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was molested & raped as a small child & until I was 12 by my stepdad, so I know what your going through. I told my mom after they divorced & it eats at her daily how she failed to protect me.
At your parents age sweety I would just leave it be. But I do reccomend that you get some counceling to help you deal with your past. I have only recently started counceling and i am now 39. If you ever need to talk pls feel free to contact me.
2007-01-22 23:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you know the answer. You said that you see no reason in confronting them with it. They are so old and their life is counting down anyway. It's best for you to think of your children (they'll life longer than your parent). And about your struggle, why don't you talk to some professionals/counselors to ease the weight of you so that you can move one with your life.
2007-01-23 07:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by ranselbiru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Dont tell your kids you will only scare them of their grandfather just keep an eye on them if they visit and stuff. that hard. Your parents are old and I bet your mom wouldnt really want to hear that. But if you feel its nessary go right ahead. But Iafter you do I advise you to stay away for awhile and just chat with them on the phone.
2007-01-22 23:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by becca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think it is necessary to tell your kids unless grandfather is a risk to them. You should see a therapist and talk through your feelings. I don't think this is the best forum to find the answer to your dilemma. Sorry to hear of all the pain brought upon you. No one should have to go through it.
2007-01-23 00:01:22 · answer #8 · answered by Monkey Lips 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt keep this in. If you and your mother have a good relationship then be honest with her. Not by any means is this your fault. Letting this out will make you feel better about yourself. I hope everything works to the best!
2007-01-22 23:34:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't know. I would say no because of their health. If it really bothers you that much, perhaps you should seek help from a psychologist or something.
2007-01-22 23:34:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋