My fiance is leaving to Iraq?

Question

I need advice from other wives/fiances that have husbands in Iraq, we are not married yet and from hes heard we cant get married yet because his unit is under Red alert, hes deploying anytime after 31 days from now, we want to get married, but is there something we can do to get it waived somehow? He asked his unit and they couldnt give us a definant answer. Also how do you deal with all the anxiety from them being over there, I am so worried, hes been gone but not that far, and especially over there, they are saying he could be gone from 3 months to 2 YEARS! whats the average time line for them to be deployed?

Answer 1

May I address your anxiety? I was operational for over 20 years. In other words, while you have those who work in support of what's going on up front, you have those who ARE up front. I'm retired now and it's REALLY interesting to see things from this perspective.
First, find out who your unit's Ombudsman is. This is usually the wife of the C.O. Their job is to keep wives and families informed and to offer support -- usually group get togethers, that sort of thing. It helps a lot to have someone you can talk to who understands.
Second, turn off the news. They aren't very accurate or truthful in their reporting. They focus on nothing but the doom and gloom. They are in the business of making money. They make it sound a lot worse than what it REALLY is. Which plays heavily into my third point.
Keep things in perspective. Difficult to do. The news again plays on blowing things way out of perspective. Here's what they won't tell you. On average, the U.S. is losing all of 2 men a day there. We lose more in training accidents and stupidity while on leave! Figure this, Patton drove the 3d Army across France after D-Day in WW II. On average, he lost 1,733 men a month. And that was going up against an easily identifiable, uniformed military. Our men and women are fighting an un-uniformed, non-military, unrecognizable, hide behind women and children enemy. And we're losing 2 per day. What this means is simply this. The likelihood of getting killed there is actually less than being in a traffic accident and getting seriously injured here! The news media doesn't want you to know this, nor do certain political parties and those who support them. Most people spout off garbage as though it were fact. Unless they can site their resources, take what they say with a grain of salt.
Finally, avoid getting into arguments while you're separtated. Anxiety and frustration has a way of playing havoc on your words. Most serving, now have almost instant communications with those back home. But if you rely on the U.S. postal service, communication is slow. It's hard to read intent and tone of voice sometimes. What may have been said as a joke, may be read and interpretted completely differently. Arguments via snail mail take forever to get worked out. Put a number on the envelope noting what number letter this is. Sometimes the most recent written letter arrivers before the stuff written long ago. If they are numbered, it will help cut down on the confusion. Send photos, cassette tapes and care packages. Hope this helps. Keep your sanity and keep your faith.

Answer 2

Average times differ between the services.
Army-12 months
Marines-7 months
Air Force-4 months
Navy-as long as the ship is in theater

The military doesnt prevent you from getting married, but it just might not be a good idea at this time. Also, they can't give him time off from work to take care of the things that he really needs to do for you.
There is alot of paperwork that has to happen when you are married to a serviceman.
If you really want to get married before you go, talk to the chaplain.
You are most likely better off waiting til he gets home. Most "war brides" dont make it through the deployment. My unit had 6 war brides and 4 of them didnt make it 12 months.

If you are still together 3 months after he gets back, you should be pretty good.

Answer 3

First, I was confused why the military doesn't "let" someone get married, but I think that since it's not for sure when they leave, they probably don't have time to be thinking about a soldier's paperwork. It doesn't take long to fix these things, for my situation it took a few days throughout 2 weeks.
As for the anxiety, it's harder the first 2 months. Two months is what I ALWAYS hear... At first he was able to call me everyday for a week, and then every few days and then like once every 2 weeks. So when I didn't get a call for a more than 2 weeks I would freak out, since his MOS isn't really in much harms way. Then I got the internet and he usually stays after work on most days and gets to email me until he's too tired. It does stick to your mind with the "what if's", one of the Officers wives told me to journal what I feel and after a month, you realize how much easier it gets.
Also, DO NOT fight with him while he is over there. I wish I hadn't already fought with my husband about stupid things, but it's too late but I'm getting better at it. He is going to have too much stress and worries about you leaving him, and thinking about the negatives, so make it easier for him.
Take pictures of your face and email them to him too, it takes his mind off of bloody war and think about the prettier side of life.
Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

Answer 4

I've been to Iraq twice . The first time was 9 months and the second was 5 months. Best thing to do is write him write him write him!!! Any contact with home is like gold!!!! Try not to watch too much news as it will make you worry more. I hope he stays safe and remember write as much as possible!!!!! One more thing send lots of Baby wipes!!! It may sound crazy but I once went 32 days without being able to shower and baby wipes were all we had.

Answer 5

most privates serve for 3-5 months at a time, and often get 2 week break periods... i know of a bunch who do. Naval officers get the most time off. Those who stay for 2 years are the ones either on secret operations or police training -- sometimes those placed in dangerous, high-volume attacks... but most iraqi's are more focused on killing each other.

about the marriage and stuff.. idk... wait till he has a 2 week break period and get a marriage real quick.. lol... =/

Answer 6

(hugs) the only i appreciate is leaving in January. My infant is going to be in Iraq for a 12 months. i understand it isn't person-friendly yet do not watch the information. it is going to purely rigidity you out & make you hardship. keep tell your self he will come homestead & get married to you. previously you recognize it he will be coming homestead. purely take it in the destiny at a time.

Answer 7

I hear a lot of young folks in your situation. and they go to their base commandor'.s It would be wise for you to get married. And wise for him to get all the necessary documentation in for you being his next of kin. So that all his benefits's transfer over to you.
I think you're best bet is the base chaplain and your commandor of the base. Good luck of you to. It's possible toget married.

Answer 8

Please! if hes already left,then you cant get married... But if he hasn't left yet,the military doesn't care if a solider gets married before going to Iraq...... I dont know whos? feeding you this garbage..